


Ocean Eyes

by Handro1983



Category: Chelly - Fandom, Neighbours (TV)
Genre: F/F, Neighbors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 04:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 53,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17933114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Handro1983/pseuds/Handro1983
Summary: There's something about her, that makes her so intoxicating, even if she is Her brother's Fiancé, but Chloe can't help it. You see Elly has these eyes, so deep, so blue, so dangerous and striking. Ocean eyes.(The backstory of these characters remains the same, however, the rest of the journey is the way I would like to see it)





	1. Chapter 1

Ocean Eyes

1

Have you come across someone, who is so different to you, so out of your comfort zone that you’re not sure you’ll ever see eye to eye, but for some reason, you find them intoxicating? That’s how I feel, about Elly. You see, I’ve never been someone who understood the word ‘consequences’, I never cared much for them, I lived my life on my terms, I did what I wanted and when I wanted it. Elly though, she isn’t like that, she’s mature, put together and always considers how her actions will affect other people. She has a path that she wants to go down, a way in which she wants her life to go, I’ve never had one of those, I never saw past the immediate moment that I was in. I guess that’s what I find so alluring about Elly, she has a purpose, she has passion and morals, she has a sense of security that I have never found in anyone. Her need to be aware of everything and be so serious is infuriating, but I also find it refreshing, because it brings me back down to earth for just a moment, I guess you could say we balance each other out in ways.  
Now I watch her, all day every day, I watch how she moves, how she smiles, how she laughs. I love the little details, like the way her cheeks bunch when she smiles, how the muscles in her neck twinge when she laughs, the way she twists her hands when she’s conflicted, but mostly, I love her eyes. She has these crystal blue eyes, so deep that when I look into them my breath hitches, I can’t breathe, like I’m drowning, sinking into her ocean eyes. I fell in love with her so suddenly, one minute we were butting heads and the next I found myself wanting to kiss her lips like I’d never kissed anyone before. How could I not? everything about her is beautiful, her mind and her body. I’ll admit that I can be quite shallow, I have dated some lunatics in my life just because they were good-looking, but then it never mattered much because I was never interested in being committed to anyone long term, I had no desire to be in a serious relationship because I saw them as something that always ended in heartbreak, all that effort to love someone when it was only going to end one way. That was until I met Elly. She made me laugh, she made me feel safe, cared for, loved and she never judged me. She looked at me and all of a sudden all of my messy hope and dreams came tumbling out and I couldn’t put them back in, and believe me I tried, because at the end of the day, She’s my brother fiancé, yeah I said fiancé, as in, about to be married, in less than a month.  
You’d be right in thinking that this is completely crazy, because it is, it’s insane, and if Mark ever found out, I’m pretty sure he’d have me shipped off to somewhere in Europe and never speak to me again, but I can’t stop it, I have tried everything, I’ve dropped out of being a bridesmaid, spent less time with her and even got back together with Mel, my ex from way back when. No matter what I do, nothing helps, I asked Elly for space and I think that lasted for maybe a week? She didn’t take that too well but for a while, I felt somewhat normal, I could talk to her without forgetting how to breathe or becoming really awkward when she touched me, but then I stupidly agreed to be her bridesmaid again and since then I’ve completely lost the run of myself.  
Oh, I may have forgotten to mention, Elly knows exactly how I feel about her. The thing is, I may have kissed her one night. I didn’t particularly mean to, it was not something I had planned, but she had just lost her job and I wanted to cheer her up because it hurt me to see her so upset, so I did what I do best, I brought her a bottle of wine, forced her int her pyjamas and made her sit with me all night talking nonsense and tell me all of her messy feelings and it seemed to work. However, then she started talking to me about me, something I never let anyone do, I don’t open up to people, it’s not something I’m comfortable with but with Elly it seemed almost impossible not to, because she felt so safe and secure, so I let her in, I told her how I really felt about being diagnosed with Huntington’s, how scared I was, how I secretly wished one of my brothers had it so that I wasn’t alone, but she never judged me, not once and I just couldn’t help it. All my life I had shut people out, but she saw right through me so I let my guard down and I kissed her, I was quick to play it off as a drunk mistake and moved on but she knew something was wrong because true to myself, I acted out, I partied all night, I was snarky and immature and eventually I saw that it was starting to upset her and I figured having Huntington’s meant I should seize all opportunities when I could, so I wrote her a card, to tell her I was truly madly and deeply in love with her.

So that’s where this story begins I guess.

 

*******************

“Absolutely not!” I practically shouted at Aaron as I walked into the kitchen.

“ But what if she actually didn’t do it?”

“Aaron, can you please drop it, we both know she did”

“But Chlo what if -“

“What’s going on?” Elly interrupted us. Right on time in my eyes because I am just about losing the ability to not thumb my brother in the head.

“My crazy brother here is trying to convince me to talk to Mel” I answered her, throwing my bag onto the kitchen table. 

“What? why?” 

“I was simply suggesting that sometimes no matter how guilty someone looks, it’s not always the case, I mean look at Tyler!” I guess he had a fair point there, but it was plain and simple, we all knew that Mel had set the fire in the garage, it was very obvious but Aaron was still on his mission to do whatever it took to keep my mind away from Elly, apparently even if that meant dating an arsonist.

“Az, come on, Mel was gunning for that place from the moment she got here”

“Yeah and we all know she’s perfectly capable of hurting people for her own benefit” Elly nodded her head towards me and I immediately saw Aaron’s armour dissolve.

“ Ok I’m sorry, I just thought you guys were great together and you seemed happy” 

“I was! until she burned down the garage and nearly killed Bea!”

“Ok fine, I’m sorry, I’ll drop it” he gave in finally and walked out of the house, leaving Elly and me alone. It was silent for what seemed like forever, it was always so tense when we were around each other like we both wanted to say something but couldn’t. I continued packing my bag for work, it was no use standing waiting for one of us to speak and frankly, I was in no mood to talk today. Ever since we found out that Mel set fire to the garage, I had been in my room, devastated. God knows it took a lot for me to decide to let Mel back in and I figured what a great way to get over Elly, but clearly that was the wrong judgement call and I was annoyed at myself and upset with her because I really believed that this time all she really cared for was me, but then who would waste time caring for a girl who has no future.

“I’m really sorry about Mel” I heard Elly speak, so softly that I almost missed it. I looked up to find her staring right at me. There goes my heart beating because she’s not just looking at me she’s looking through me like she can read exactly how I feel like she sees exactly who I am. I drop my eyes away from hers, I have this fear that if I stare at them for too long I’ll get lost and never be able to find my way back.

“It’s fine, should have seen it coming really” I laugh a little, like always, I try to defuse this weird tension and brush it away.

“Nobody could have predicted that Chlo” She stops infant of me, trying to grab eye contact with me but I can’t, if I let her see, then she’ll be able to tell exactly how I feel and we’re trying to avoid that at the moment!

“Yeah well, what’s done is done” I pick up my bag and turn to leave the room but she quickly grabs my hands and looks at me with a soft expression.

 

“Chloe” 

“It’s fine, I have to get to work I’ll see you later” I interrupt her and drag myself out of the house as quickly as possible. I hate that it’s so easy for me to lose my resolve infant of her, she doesn’t have to try and I would spill all my secrets to her, at least I used to, now it’s different. I can’t, I can’t let her in like that, because then what do I have? no future and my heart in someone else’s hands. No thank you. I spent so long dragging myself back up after Mel dumped me in the middle of Jamaica with crippling debt and then being diagnosed with Huntington’s, it was about time I started taking back my own mind, the only issue was that it was going to be difficult given the fact that I was going to see Elly practically every day.  
It was a blessing, in the beginning, seeing her every day, seeing her smile, making her laugh and having someone there who understood me and never judged me, it was so new for me to have someone that actually cared for me, who listened to me, my brothers tend to act like my mum at times which can be frustrating but I understand that being the only girl in the family that they get a little overprotective so at times I do appreciate it, but it is nice to have someone who listens before they react. God knows Mark has jumped to so many conclusions and been completely wrong. With Elly it’s different, she wants to know how I feel or why I’m doing things before she decides how to react which is always to tell me that she’ll support me no matter what decision I make.  
As soon as I arrive at Lassiter, I throw myself into work, because that’s the only way I know how to stop my mind from wandering so far into thoughts of Elly. Plus I do love my job, making people smile and feel comfortable is what I do best and I love doing it. I spend most of my time at the front desk which is great for me, I love meeting new people and who wouldn’t be thrilled to see my first the moment they walk in the door. 

“Ok Enjoy your stay and if you need anything please don’t hesitate to come to me!” I waved off the young couple who had just checked in for the weekend.

“Oh actually, do we have access to the sauna or is that extra?” I was just about to walk away when the woman called me back, it didn’t go unnoticed by me how strikingly beautiful she was.

“Of course, all guest have access, just make sure to bring your room key with you so that the staff can take a record” I nodded and she smiled back at me before walking away again. I knelt down under the desk to grab the files that had been left for me to sign this morning, I picked the wrong day to wear this skirt let me tell you that.

“I love seeing you in work” I jumped at the sound of a voice smacked my head on the desk. I stood up to find where the voice was coming from, then my eyes made contact with Mel and suddenly I wish the desk would have knocked me out.

“What-why..how…uh”

“Why am I here?” She finishes for me, looks like awkward Sally came to play today because I was in such shock I forgot how to speak.

“Yeah that”

“I came here to talk to you, do you think we could go somewhere private?”

“No actually I don’t,” I said folding my arms.

“Chloe please, I just want to explain” She seemed desperate, not that I cared but I figured maybe if I let her have her say then maybe she’d go away and stay away after that. So I mentioned for her to follow me into the back office where some of the staff were having their break.

“Uhm guys would you mind giving us a sec?” I asked as nicely as possible and they quickly nodded and left the room once the saw who was behind me. It was no secret what Mel had done, the whole town practically knew so I’m sure they ran out of there hoping not to get their heads blown off.  
“Ok you have two minutes,” I said turning to her, not bothering to let her sit and get comfortable.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt anyone”

“Why? why do it? are you that desperate to put your name in lights or are you a low-level arsonist now?” I snapped. She had done some stupid things in the time that I have known but this was the tip of the iceberg.

“No! please ..just listen” She begs

“Fine”

“I needed a reason to stay here and working with Paul wasn’t giving me that so I figured the garage would be perfect but Heath wouldn’t let up but I really needed it to work and I just lost control” She spoke quickly, so quick I almost didn’t catch it all.

“Why? Why need to stay?”

“Well, I needed to be close to you and-“

“Oh please, like you needed to leave me in Jamaica to punish me, y’know it seems to me like every crazy thing you do is to control me!”

“What else could I do Chloe, I would do anything to be with you but the further in we got the more I realised just how in love with Elly you were and it hurt, so I figured if I had good financial support then I could stay and we could really work and maybe you’d forget about-“

“About Elly…seriously? you think that burning down a building and almost injuring her sister is what would make me stop loving Elly?” I was fed up.

“No of course not but-“

“But nothing Mel, you did an awful thing and you know what’s sad, if you had of just been yourself and done things for the right reasons, maybe we could have become something serious…but I guess being yourself includes burning down buildings” I spoke softly, I was tired of fighting, tired of listening to her excuses and tired of trying to make her understand.

“Chloe-“

“No, please just go” I interrupt her, she doesn’t move, she stays with her eyes latched to mine, but I feel nothing for her anymore. Eventually, she takes a deep breath a turns to leave.

“I get it, I’m sorry, you won't hear from me again,” She says and I watch her walk out. It takes me a moment to realise she’s left and I shake my head, trying to bounce back into work mode. You see as angry that I am, it really was quite upsetting to me that she did this because I really thought she had changed I mean I defined her when Bea accused her of doing it in the first place, I really wished that this time she had grown up but I was wrong. How could I have been so wrong about her, then again, I was trying to move past all my feelings for Elly and Mel was right there, handing me the opportunity, plus it was nice to be on the other side of an unrequited love situation after months of being the one that was desperately in love with someone who didn’t love them back.

I fixed my hair and my skirt quickly and walked back out to reception to see Terese standing there.

“When did you get here?” I asked in my brightest tone.

“About five minutes ago,” She said and I nodded at her with a smile.

“I saw Mel, walk out of here, what did she want?” She asked and I took a deep breath before answering her.

“To tell me she set fire to the garage to be with me,” I say and Terese looks at me as though I’ve told her aliens had landed in Erinsborough. 

“You can’t be serious?” She snapped her head up at me and I just shrugged, it was bizarre but that’s Mel I guess, I guess I’m not as shocked as everybody else. I mean I never thought she could hurt people but I also know she’ll do whatever it takes to get what she wants and this time she had two motivations, me and money, that’s enough to drive her up the wall.

“Yeah, as if there wasn’t enough to deal with already” I laughed a little.

“Do you want to go home maybe? clear your head?” 

“No, no way, you need me here and honestly I could do with the distraction” I answered quickly. I knew Terese meant well and I appreciate her being so understanding, but the throwing myself into my work was the best way for me to distract myself from all the craziness that was going on.

“Ok well, clock out early, and that’s not a question, I’m telling you to” She smiled at me lightly and I nodded at her. Maybe she was right, maybe an early night wasn’t such a bad idea either. If this year has thought me anything it’s that you shouldn’t bottle things for too long.

 

**************

Being at home, sitting on the sofa watching tv, well it really sucks. Sure I know there’s nothing better than scrunching yourself up on the sofa, in blanket watching crappy television, but right now, all I was doing was over thinking, wallowing in my thoughts and it was driving me crazy, there was nothing on my phone, nothing on Netflix and nothing on my laptop that could distract me, I was running out of places to hide in and my mind was taking over and I wasn’t handling it very well. When I first wrote my card to Elly, confessing my love for her, her mum found it, well she came to speak to me and something she said really stuck with me, Elly wants a family, she wants to raise children and be with someone that she can grow old with, it’s not fair for me to try and drag her into my mess, I can’t grow old with her, sure we could have a family but what kind of family would we be if by the time I’m 40 she will have to look after me like another child, that’s not life for her, she deserves more than somebody who can barely look after themselves. Besides, nobody wants to take on a relationship that they know has a ‘sell by’ date.  
Then there’s Mel, someone who I fought so long and hard to forget, who turned my whole world upside down, someone who I thought cared for me and didn’t. I let her back in, my selfish ‘let’s get over Elly’ brain, allowed me to ignore the fact that she always has and always will be bad news, because I was so desperate to have something that took my mind off things, to be with someone who wanted to be with me. I ignored my gut, I ignored all the feelings I had when she first arrived in town and I believed for a moment that maybe she did change, maybe she did care enough about me to be different, but I guess I wasn’t enough of a reason for her to act like a halfway decent human being.  
All these things, swirling around my head, I was starting to crack at the seems and I could feel it, I had thought for a while of leaving town, but my family is here, my job is here and I really like the life I have built for myself, even if it limited but my feelings for Elly, well they aren’t going anywhere anytime soon and that’s the worst part of all this, she’s my brother fiancé and I’m in love with her, what kind of person does that. I know, I know you can’t help who you fall for, I realised that when I realised I was bisexual, but this, surely I could have done something. It just hit me so hard and so fast because she was everything I needed and wanted and she appeared at the right time, right when I needed someone there for me.

I picked up the remote and flicked through the stations before settling on a really old episode of the Simpsons, this show was so ridiculous that it seemed to always cheer me up. I’m not quite sure it was doing much today but it was somewhat comforting to have the noise in the background. That as until I heard the front door shut, I jumped up on the sofa and quickly wiped my eyes and turned to find Elly walking toward me.

“Uh Hi, what are you doing here?” I smiled at her, trying to clean my face as quick as possible.  
“Well Mark and Aaron are out for the night and Terese told me what happened earlier so I decided to come to check on you,” She said sitting down beside me.

“You didn’t have to do that” I answered her, throwing my blanket off my shoulders and shuffling slightly away from her.

“I wanted to,” She said softly and put her hand on my thigh quickly sending a shock through my whole body. I looked up at her and I lost al sense of who or what I was, she was giving me a look that I couldn’t quite figure out but I was so lost in her eyes, her ocean eyes.

“Elly I…we..it’s just-“ I pulled myself away from her touch and I saw her flinch.

“Sorry, I’m trying, I just want to be here for you,” She says and I regret my actions immediately because she looks so upset.

“No I’m sorry, it’s just, it’s still a little strange for me”

“I just thought with Mel-”

“That my feelings for who had disappeared?” I cut her off.

“Well no I just…well I’m not quite sure actually”

“It’s ok, I just need some more time” I answer and she smiles at me, I know she understands that but she looks hurt and I can’t figure out why.

“Ok well I came over to make sure you’re ok, so are you?” She asks, settling herself into the sofa, I mimic her and sit up on my knees.

“For the most part yeah, I just can’t get my head around the fact that I didn’t see it”

“See what?”

“That she’s a maniac?!” I quip and Elly laughs, god I love to hear her laugh.

“Well, she did seem genuine when she got here”

“So Erinsborough turned her into an arsonist..perfect, remind me never to bring any of my dates back here!” I laugh, but she doesn’t, she smiles lightly at me with that same hurt look on her face from before. 

“No, I think Mel is who she is and she’ll never change, and you, you are worth way more than that,” She says carefully and shuffles herself closer to me, so close that I can smell her shampoo. 

“Well it was my stupid head that decided to let her back in” 

“You’re not stupid,” she says and shuffles even closer, her legs slot in between mine like a jigsaw puzzle. She’s even closer, the feel of her skin on my own is enough to send my heart racing, pounding like a drum against my chest and there’s this air, a tension that I can’t quite figure out but I feel it and it’s heavy.

“Aren’t I? I let myself follow Mel blindly and to top it off I fell in love with my brother's girlfriend” I say and she looks straight at me. Her eyes are piercing through my own like she’s searching for something, trying to tell me something but I can’t read it, I can feel my throat going dry because the room seems to fill with a humidity, an atmosphere that makes my palms sweat. I look down when I feel her hand land on my thigh again and it takes every inch of me to look back up at her.

“I don’t think that’s stupid” She almost whispers, and all of a sudden something comes crashing down on us, like the clouds splitting to bring lightning. My palms are sweating, my heart is beating and I’m pretty sure I can’t feel my legs, because she’s right there, so close I can feel her breath on my lips and she just keeps getting closer, I can almost taste her lip balm, god knows I want to. I watch her close her eyes and I follow her and wait, I wait for her to close that gap.


	2. Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

2  
Coconut.

I have always loved that feeling of someone else's lips on my own. It sets off a spark in my chest, well most of the time, but I find a simple kiss so powerful, so full of emotion, it tells you a story. Sure you can sleep with someone and you know from that, they want to sleep with you, they want to feel you because they’ve told you, but a kiss, a kiss tells me that you don’t just want my body, it tells me that you’re being careful, taking your time because you want the moment to be gentle, you want it to mean something, it tells me that you want more than a hook up. You can tell a lot from the way a person kisses you, you tell if they love you. Have you ever been kissed like you’re loved? Well, I thought I had.

Now I’m sitting here with Elly, in the slowest, most delicate movement, she closes the gap between us and her lips landed on mine, my mind is somewhat in shock but she’s so gentle that it gives me time to relax into it. When she realises I haven’t pulled away, I feel her hand come up to cup my jaw as she deepens the kiss a little, I know what she’s doing, she doesn’t want to force it on me, so she’s being as gentle as she can so that I can pull away when I want, but the truth is I don’t want to pull away, in fact I would like very much if she if this kiss lasted forever because it was something I had never experienced before. My heart was pushing against my chest, I was so nervous to move, in case I made a mistake, but I couldn’t control myself. I put my hand on her shoulder, I could feel goosebumps all over her skin, when she didn’t flinch I got a little brave and moved my hand down to her waist and gripped it a little, I felt her gasp against my lips and all of a sudden she had pushed me back and positioned herself on top of me. My mind was racing, one minute I was crying to myself about loving her and the next she’s lying on top of me kissing me. What was this?  
It quickly occurred to me that this position was in no way comfortable on my neck so I broke the kiss, just for a moment, and I sat up, but she wasted no time in sitting on my lap and connecting our lips again, the kiss was still slow, still soft, still mesmerising, but it felt more desperate, like she wanted more but was afraid so I opened my lips slightly, allowing her to deepen the kiss in whatever way she wanted, but when she did, I think she may have struck a match underneath me, because in a split second, my body was on fire, every inch of my skin felt hot, tingly, like little bolts of electricity were dancing on my skin. I moved my hands back to her waist and a little lower, but I wouldn’t push too far because I could tell she was nervous and I wanted to keep this kiss going.

Eventually, she broke for air, leaving the two of us breathing heavily and I swear I could feel her heart pounding, almost as crazy as my own. She stayed put, sitting on my lap, I take in the picture myself, not fully believing what was happening, I looked up slightly to find her looking straight at me, god I was drowning, she was telling me something, a story but I was too in shock to read it, but she kept eye contact, neither of us speaking, just the sound of heavy breaths and beating hearts between the two of us. She smiled a little at me and dropped her forehead to rest against mine and I couldn’t help but smile with her. 

She let out a little laugh and took one last deep breath.

“That’s not why I came over here,” She said through a smile.

“Are you sure?” I asked with a smirk and she rolled her eyes at me. She seemed to do that quite often.

“Yes! I genuinely came to get you to talk to me” 

“Honestly I don’t really feel like talking” I answered, I wasn’t sure if I meant that literally or if I was flirting with her. A bit of both I guess. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk and now I was definitely in the mood for other things.

“Me neither” She smirked 

“What do you want?” I asked her, I watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath before looking at me with deep intent.  
“I want you to take me to bed” She whispered and moved herself off my lap to stand up, she extended her hand out for me to take but it took me a moment to realise that this was real, so I shook my head, took her hand and stood up and followed her to my room on shaky legs.  
Before we walked in she stopped and turned to me.

“Uhm..do you want to do this?” She asked so sweetly, looking at me like I was porcelain. I looked right back at her to show her that I meant it.

“yes,” I said simply and she nodded before pushing the door open and pulling me in.

Her lips, they tasted like coconut.

 

************

“ Boys can you shut up! Chloe is still asleep!” Elly, that was the first thing I heard when I woke, Elly’s voice, I turned over quickly in the bed remembering what had happened last night, but her side of the bed was empty, I guess she was in the kitchen. A part of me was somewhat scared, last night was so out of the blue that I really wasn’t sure what was going to happen now, what did it mean for her? what did it mean for me? what did it mean for us?  
I rolled myself out of bed and grabbed my robe. I took a deep breath in before heading out to the kitchen. My heart was pounding again, but this time with nerves, I really wasn’t sure what to expect. I walked into the kitchen to see Mark and Aaron at the table and Elly standing at the island. She turned and looked at me with a small smile on her lips and instantly I felt the nerves and panic wash over me.

“Morning,” She says and hands me a cup of tea.

“Hi” I take the cup from her, I’m not sure what else to say because she looks so beautiful, she always does in the morning and looking at her reminds me of last night, the way her body felt against mine. Heaven.

“Oh, Hey Chlo” I hear Mark say and I immediately remember where I am.

“Morning”

“Did you sleep?” Aaron asks

“Not really no” I answer him honestly, because I didn’t, he just doesn’t know why and I see Elly smirk ever so slightly beside me.

“Well, how come?” Mark asks

“Chloe was a bit upset last night so we stayed up talking” Elly answered for me and sat down at the table.

“Oh, so why are you wearing Chloe’s robe?” Aaron asks and it’s only then that I realise that she is, in fact, wearing one of my robes and my heart skips a beat.

“Oh because mine is in the wash” She answers and Aaron gives me look, he’s suspicious so I ignore him because I am not in the mood for it.

“Y’know I still can’t believe Mel did what she did,” Mark said and I roll my eyes, I was already spending enough time worrying about Mel as it was so the last thing I wanted was to listen to Mark waffle on about it.

“Mark-“ Elly tries

“I mean how can someone seem so genuine and be so awful”

“Mark-“ She tries again, a little louder this time.

“Did you have any idea, that she could do something like that?” He turns and asks me.

“Mark!” Elly practically shouts and the room falls silent and everyone's eye land on Elly. She winces a little, she’s not usually one to shout, she doesn’t really like confrontation but she's defending me.

“What?” Mark asks somewhat startled.

“Leave her alone will you?”

“What? I was only asking”

“Well don’t, it’s stressful enough without you two weighing in on her,” She says and stands up to put her cup in the sink. The room is silent for a moment and Mark walks toward me.

“Sorry Chlo, I know it can’t be easy for you”

“It’s fine, I’d just rather we not talk about it today” I smile and he quickly gives me a hug. 

“Whatever you need,” He says and I smile at him.

“Right I’m going to shower and go to work, are we still going to that cake shop later?” Mark turns to Elly. 

Shit, they’re still getting married.

“Yeah, I’ll meet you there,” She says and he kisses her lightly on the forehead. I kissed her last night, she kissed me, oh god, we kissed, holy shit we slept together, I slept with my brother's fiancé, she asked me to take her to bed. Oh my god, what are we doing? , how did that happen? I feel myself starting to panic, I can feel my palms sweat, just like last night but it’s so different this time. What have we done? 

“Yeah, I’ve gotta get ready for work too,” I say quickly and turn to leave.

“Eh Chlo” Elly stops me and I turn and look at her, I’m pretty sure she can read the panic all over my face.

 

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” I can see the worry on her face. I nod my head and walk into my room when I turn around she’s already right behind me shutting the door. The last time we were in this room, she was kissing my body like we were the only two people in the world. 

Oh god.

“Uhm, are you ok?” She asks a little awkwardly, she’s afraid of my answer and I can see she’s as scared as I am.

“Am I ok? Elly, what have we done?” I whisper and I start pacing the room, my mouth was dry and my chest was tight, I could feel the panic taking over me. She steps forward and grabs my arms to stop me moving, I look up at her and I can somewhat relax just by looking at her.

“Chloe relax”

“Relax?!, Elly you’re about to marry my brother-“

“I know but-“

“But what?”

“I don’t know, I’m as shocked as you are” She says rubbing her face, she sits down on the bed with a sigh, I can tell she’s stressed and I hate to see her that way so I sit down beside her and put a hand on her thigh, to let her know that I’m there. She looks up and gives me a small smile but I can see that she’s conflicted, just as much as I am. We sit in silence for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say, both trying to find the words to put this situation together. The air isn’t tense, yet it’s full of questions, that’s the thing about being with Elly, even in the toughest of situations, she still manages to make me feel somewhat calm, it’s never uncomfortable.

“Why?” I ask finally, I understood her confusion, but I was completely lost. 

“I don’t know…”

“Elly please, you know how I feel about you, I get that maybe you’re confused but I need to know where your head is at, because if this is just some experimental fling-“

“It’s not!” She almost shouts. She takes my hand that rests on her thigh and looks directly into my eyes.

“I….I wanted to,” She says in a broken voice and my hearts skips a beat, knowing that last night it was me, I was the one she wanted.

“But why? You told me you could never feel that way about me” 

“I know what I said” She answers me a little aggravated.

“So what changed?” 

“ I don’t know,” She says lowly and I slip my hand out from her grip, I can see her wince, she looks hurt but I can’t let this go.

“ Elly…do you feel that way about me?” I ask, feeling a little brave but a little sick waiting on the reply.

“What do you mean?” She asks she knows what I mean, but she’s holding back, she’s scared.

“Do you love me?” I ask her eventually, I’m not quite sure if I want to hear the answer, if she says no, then we’re back to square one except this time I know what it’s like to have been with her and I’m just a fling, but if she says yes then I’m in love with my brother’s fiancé who loves me back and what does that mean for us, do we pursue the relationship and break Mark’s heart after all he’s done for me this year. What happens? is a relationship built on a lie and guilt and heartbreak something that either of us wants?

“I….I don’t know” Elly whispers and my heart sinks, how can she sleep with me and not know how she feels about me. I hold back the tears that sit on the rims of my eyes and stand up. She watches me move, like a lost puppy.

“I think we need some space,” I say through blurry eyes. She looks at me in shock, her lips parted slightly.

“ Chloe-“ She stands and steps towards me in one swift move and I take a step back.

“No, please, until you know what you want, please, just give me some space” I say with tears falling from my eyes and walk out the door, I hear her call my name but I keep walking, I quickly change in the bathroom and as I leave Mark comes out of his room and bumps against me.

“Chloe? What’s wrong?” He asks after me but I keep walking out the door.

I make my way to the park and sit on a bench beside some trees. My heart and my head were fighting with each other. My heart, all it wanted was Elly and if I let it have its way then I would have let what happened last night be the beginning of an affair, I would have let her kiss me again and again and again but my head, I knew that wasn’t right, it’s not how I wanted this relationship to progress, that is of course if it was to progress. The most frustrating thing for me was that I knew how I felt, I knew what I wanted and yet Elly didn’t, but I let last night happen, I kissed her, I let her kiss me, I let her touch me, because I wanted her to, I didn’t care, neither of us cared at that moment, of the consequences. I was drowning, drowning in my thoughts, in my feelings, drowning in the idea of her eyes, the way they swallowed my body whole when they raked over it.  
I have never had these kinds of feelings before, never strong enough to want more than a casual fling, it was new territory for both us but why did it have to be for someone who I couldn’t have. Sure she was perfect in my eyes, beautiful in every way possible, there was no denying that, but I know better than to mess with someone who was already taken. But then, why would I fall for her, were we meant to be together? was Mark supposed to meet Elly so that I could find her myself? then why does one person's love have to result in another heartbreak? that makes little or no sense to me.

“Chloe?” I hear my voice and look up to see David walking toward me, I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes and adjust myself on the bench.

“Hey!” I answer with a smile. He sits down beside me and looks at me confused.

“Something wrong?” 

“No no I’m ok,” I say quickly and he gives me a look to let me know that he knows I’m lying. I let out a little laugh and he follows me.

“Chloe, whatever it is, you can tell me,” He says sincerely. I take a deep breath in, I know I shouldn’t tell him, but I need someone to talk to and god knows I can’t tell Aaron.

“Do you think relationships are worth it if it ends up in heartbreak?” I ask and he looks slightly taken aback but he answers me nonetheless. 

“Depends on who’s heart is breaking”

“Would you be with someone even if it meant hurting someone else?” 

“Yes,” He answers me quickly and I certainly wasn’t expecting that answer either.

“Really?”

“Well, if I thought it was real love I would, of course, I think no matter what happens, if it feels right then you should go after it,” He says honestly.

“But what about the person who ends up in pain?”

“People heal Chloe, no matter how bad, people always find a way to heal because they eventually realise that, if that love they lost was meant to be, then they wouldn’t have lost it in the first place”

“I suppose that makes sense,” I say, and I mean it, it makes total sense, but does that rule apply when it’s your brother? I can’t ask him that.

“ I think whatever loves comes your way, you should take it, but in the right way,” He says and I know he means. No matter what happens between Elly and I, it has to be done the right way, respectfully because the last thing I want is for anyone to get hurt.

“Thank you,” I say and he smiles at me and wastes no time in giving me a tight hug. You can always count on David for advice, even when he has no idea of what is going on, he’s always the voice of reason.

“Anytime, and I mean that,” He says and I smile back at him. I let out a sigh and jump when my phone buzzes in my pocket and I suddenly remember I was supposed to be in work already.

“Shit, David I’ve gotta go before I get fired!” I jump up and he laughs at me.

“Classic Chloe, go, I’ll see you later”

“Yes! you will, thank you again!”

“Anytime,” He says and I run towards the hotel.

 

***********

To say I couldn’t concentrate in work was putting it lightly. I’m not sure how many times I tripped up, dropped something, entered the wrong information into the system and even put salt in someones coffee. My head was most definitely all over the place and it was showing, I think the guests were starting to think that I was a little drunk but finally I was on my way home, taking the long route there to clear my head, and for the most part it was working but I couldn’t get what David had said out of my head, I wanted to believe that going for what I wanted was the right thing to do, but the fact of the matter is, I didn’t know if that is what Elly wanted and until I knew that I could do nothing about it . It seemed to me like there was a lot of things in my life that I could do nothing about, I can do nothing about Mum being sick, nothing about my about my own diagnosis and nothing about Elly.   
I reached the house eventually and I dragged myself inside and the first thing I did was dive head first for the take out menus because there was no way in hell that I was cooking anything, not that I did very often but judging by today’s mishaps, I was in no shape to be touching sharp objects or playing with a hot cooker. I picked up the phone and ordered as much food as was humanly possible and sat and waited on it to arrive. The doorbell rang and I hopped off the couch to answer it only to find that it wasn’t the delivery man.

“Nice to see you too Chlo” Aaron laughed when he saw my disappointed face.

“Sorry I’m waiting on food to arrive, don’t you have a key?” I asked only realising that he had rung the doorbell.

“Oh yeah I left them in my gym bag”

“Where’s your bag?”

“My room”

“Clever” I threw him a smirk and he threw a towel at my head. I laughed at him and sat down at the island.

“Are you and the girls having a take-out or something?” He asked rummaging through the fridge.

“Nupe, I’m flying solo tonight, just me and my food”

“Oh, well do you want some company?”

“Nah that’s ok, you’re probably busy”

“Well actually I did say I would have dinner with David but Mark and Elly should be around soon enough so at least you won't be on your own,” He says and I shudder at the idea of sitting in a room with Mark and Elly. But thank you, Aaron, for jinxing my night because just as he spoke they walked in the door.

“Oh brilliant, I was just talking about you!”

“All good things I hope” Elly laughs a little and looks at me quickly before looking right back at Aaron.

“Ah Chloe here has just ordered a serious amount of food and was planning on flying solo but I can’t stay because I’m going for dinner but I figured you guys would be here to keep her company” Aaron explains.

“Oh we’d love to join you,” Mark says

“You guys, I don’t need a babysitter” I laugh a little, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

“Of course you don’t, but we want to be here, right Elly?” Mark asks and I see her jump a little at the sound of her name.

“Right yeah of course,” She says with a somewhat forced smile on her lips. I watch her make her way around the kitchen, always keeping her eyes on me, most of the time I looked away but I could feel her eyes watching me, pulling me in like a high wave. Eventually, the food arrived and Mark took it and dished it out on the kitchen table. I grabbed my plate and tried to make a dart for my room. 

“Eh Chlo, where are you going?” Mark called and I stopped dead in my tracks.

“Oh I was gonna give you some peace and eat in my room” I answered and I saw Elly give me a look I couldn’t quite figure out.

“No way, come sit with us, take your mind off things” He says and I can’t say no, he’ being nice, he’s being supportive and who am I to turn that down so I sit with them, mostly only speaking when I’m spoken to and thankfully Mark doesn’t ask many questions because he already decided that I was upset over Mel. I stayed and helped him clean up all the while still feeling Elly watching me. 

“Right, movie!” Mark announces and pushes me toward the couch.

“Mark you don’t have to do this” 

“Shut up, shit down, we’re hanging out,” He says and pushes my shoulders so that I’m sitting down, he sits beside me and pulls Elly down beside him.

The heat in my body is rising the longer I’m here, I can feel her watching me, I don’t want to look, but I’m so addicted, intoxicated by her. No matter what I do, I find that I can’t resist her, if she asked me to jump up and leave with her now I would and I know that’s wrong, but I’m blinded by her. I’m not sure how much longer I can manage sitting here with her eyes on me, drowning again, losing air in her eyes. I can see Mark is well and truly engrossed in whatever weird sci-fi movie he’s got on so I take it as my chance to get up and go to my room. Thankfully Mark doesn’t notice and I make my quick escape. I could have been a ninja in another life I reckon with those stealthy skills!   
I lie flat on my back and throw a cushion on my face and groan loudly. This day could not be any more of a mess. Had you of asked me last week, hell even last night, I would not have told you that this is where I saw my life going, to be honest, I had no plan for where it was going really because how do you plan a future for no future.  
I didn’t get much time to wallow in my sorrows because just as I was getting deep into my own head, Elly walked into my room. I sat up quickly and fixed myself, christ she makes me so nervous.

“Mark…sent me to check on you,” she says timidly.

“Well I’m fine, you can go now” I answered her coldly.

“Chloe”

“I told you, I wanted space”

“But Chloe, I need you-“ She starts but I jump up and cut her off.

“Stop it! you can’t say those things to me, you know how I feel, you know how it affects me, it isn’t fair, you’re only making it harder for me” I say angrily.

“Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll go…but I just need you to know, that if you do need me, I’m here” She said but I don’t reply, I simply watch her walk out of the room. I pace back and forth in my room in frustration, I needed something, anything, to take my mind off of this mess, so I take out my phone and make a quick search. I was going out and I was forgetting this whole thing.


	3. Do I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly's P.O.V

3

When I first met Chloe, honestly I couldn’t stand her, I thought she was reckless, loud, inconsiderate and selfish, she was too immature, too flippant for my liking and I held that against her for so long, but the more I got to know her, the more I found how considerate, kind, soft and genuine she was, she was loyal and she was honest and to be fair, her way of living was actually quite refreshing, I had spent my whole life on one path, taking everything so serious and always making sure I was doing the right thing and never taking any risks, but she brought me this new element of ‘living the way I want’ doing things that I’ve always wanted to do and not apologising for it or trying to explain myself to anyone. She balanced me out so nicely and I appreciated that whenever I needed her, she was always there, she had my back no matter what and never judged me for anything. I loved getting to know her, I loved finding out who she really was under all her jokes and sarcasm. She was wonderful. But now I had stuffed it up, I pushed away one of the best friends I had ever come across and all because I didn’t think before I acted. Though I have to admit, that was probably one of the best nights of my life, she was so gentle, so soft and so caring, it was probably more romantic than anything I’d ever experienced, she touched me as though she loved me, in a way that I had never known.

She left last night, quite early actually, and she hasn’t come back yet, it’s twelve in the afternoon and she hasn’t come back. I know she’s not in work today, so she can’t be there, so I don’t know where she could be. I’m worried about her, I know what she’s like when she gets upset, she lashes out and does irrational things like partying all night or spending her time with people who are not worth a thought but I just hope over anything that she’s safe. You see I’ve pulled Chloe out of some really tough situations before, especially her run from Pearse, don’t get me wrong I’m always happy to help her with whatever she needs, but it makes me so aware of the kind of situations she can get herself into and that scares me beyond belief. I’ve spent all night and day waiting on a call from her to ask me to come to get her but she hasn’t called, I know she asked me for space but I was worried so I texted her probably fifty times but of course, she didn’t answer me.  
Really I don’t blame her, she was right, what I did wasn’t fair, but I couldn’t help myself, I’d been looking at her lips since the day she told me that she loved me, or maybe it was even before that, maybe it was when she first kissed me, I found myself kissing her back, I wasn’t sure why, I still am quite confused, but it has to mean something that I wanted to kiss her again and the fact that I did says even more right? the fact that I couldn’t answer her when she asked me how I felt is even worse, but I honestly don’t know the answer, how can I? I’m engaged to someone else. But the fact of the matter is, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to touch her and that much I knew was true, I wanted her, at that moment, she was the only person I could think about, her lips were all I could see so I went for it, and I don’t regret it, but I do regret not handling it better, I should have at least given her some type of answer other than ‘I don’t know’.

I couldn’t take it anymore, she still wasn’t home and I was just pacing back and forth, constantly trying to distract myself by cleaning, searching for a new job or you know, cleaning again, anything to take my mind off of the fact that she was gone and I didn’t know where to. So I picked up my bag and made my way to Harold's, maybe getting out would relax me. 

“Hey, Elly!”

“Awh Hey Dipi” I answer her somewhat distressed.

“What can I get you?”

“Uhm two coffee’s to go please?” I say and she nods and turns away from me. My head still feels a little frantic but I tried my best to relax, the walk over here helped I guess.

“Ok! here you go!” I jump a little at the sound of Dipi’s as she puts two coffees in front of me.

“Oh thanks, here you go,” I say handing her some money, she looks at me a little concerned.

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah sorry I’m fine just a little stressed” I smile at her but I can see she doesn’t quite buy it.

“Wedding planning got you uptight?” She asks with a little laugh and I feel my stomach turn. I shouldn’t feel this way, I should be getting butterflies at the idea of marrying Mark, but I’m not and I know that’s awful and I can’t understand why.

“Yeah I guess, also Chloe went out last night and she still isn’t home so I’m a little worried,” I say honestly.

“Oh, Chloe’s a big girl I’m sure she’s fine! she’s a partier, you know what she’s like!” She laughs and I copy her, she is right, but that doesn’t stop me worrying. 

“Yeah you’re right, anyway I better go! I’ll see you later” I say and she waves at me. God my stomach was still flipping from the mention of the wedding. I couldn’t tell if it was because I had done the unimaginable and slept with his sister or was it that I didn’t want to get married, right now what I wanted was to run away, or no, I wanted Chloe. I made my way over to the garage to see Bea, I needed someone else to talk to and who better than my sister.

“Hey!”

“Oh Hi! what’re you doing here?” She asks making her way over to me.

“Oh just wanted to see my adorable sister and bring her some coffee” I laugh handing her a cup.

“Hm, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing why?”

So you just randomly decided to bring me coffee outside of my lunch break” She looks at me suspiciously while taking a sip of her coffee.

“Yes! haven’t I don’t that before?”

“I suppose”

“So how has your day been?”

“Long..I’ve spent most of the day cleaning up after the fire really”

“Still?” I asked surprised.

“Yeah I guess there was a bit more damaged than we first thought, nothing major just a lot of soot and some melted stuff that we hadn’t noticed”

“Well at least nothing big was damaged”

“I know right, then we would really have been screwed….ugh I can’t believe Mel”

“I know she’s nuts, but you’re ok and so is this place so”

“Hm, how’s Chloe?” She asked and my heart leapt into my mouth, I knew she was concerned because of how Mel treated Chloe, but I didn’t know what to say and the mere mention of her name was enough to set my heart racing.

ugh what is this?

“Uhm she’s ok I guess, she was pretty upset the other night so last night she went out and well I still haven’t seen or heard from her”

“You think something’s happened to her?” 

“Nah…I mean I guess, I just hope she’s not flinging herself at the first person she meets”

“Chloe’s a big girl Elly, and I know what Mel did was awful but Chloe is capable of looking after herself” She laughs a little, this isn’t the first time I’ve come to her worried about Chloe so at this point she probably thinks I’m like her mother.

“I know, I just wish she’d protect herself, I hate to see her so hurt”

“Relax, she’s her own person, she can handle it,” She says and I still can’t help but feel worried, though Bea doesn’t doesn’t realise that, really that’s not my main concern.   
I wonder, is Chloe throwing herself at a stranger in a bar? did she go home with someone? did she kiss someone? does she like them? I mean she is known for her wild partying, but would she still? even after the night we had. The thought of her kissing someone, well that just makes my stomach turn and my blood boil, did she think about me at all? All these crazy thoughts running through my head and I can’t figure out what they mean, do I love Chloe or do I love the idea of her loving me? 

“Is that all that’s bothering you?” Bea shakes me from my thoughts.

“Yeah, sorry I’m just worried”

“Oh well no need to be, here she is” 

“Wha-“ I turn in the direction that Bea is pointed and I see Chloe walking our way, god she looks beautiful, I mean great, nice, she looks uhm healthy.

“Hey, guys! what’s going on!” She greets, she seems perky, I wonder why? 

“Oh nothing, Elly was just telling me here about how worried she was that you didn’t come home last night” 

“Oh yeah, I had a great night” she smirks, why? why was it great?

“I bet, I take it you met someone?” Bea asks and I just stand there silent, my hands shaking and my heart racing, don’t answer that, no I do, I wasn’t to know, but I also don’t.

“Oh yeah, met this cute girl, bought me a drink and the rest is history” She winks and Bea laughs with her. I don’t find this funny. I suddenly have a flash of Chloe’s lips against somebody else's, I feel sick.

“Sounds like a successful night!” 

“Elly are you alright?” Bea asks me.

“Uhm yeah, I better go, I’ll see you later” I look at Bea, purposefully avoiding Chloe’s eyes.

Why? why did she have to go out and kiss someone else?, why did I have to give in to my messy feelings and kiss her? why did I have to make things so complicated? None of this made any sense to me, if you had of asked me a few months ago would I ever consider Chloe as something more than a friend I would have laughed in your face but now I find that I’ve kissed her, slept with her, spent my day worrying about whether or not she was with someone else or if she was coming home and thinking about how beautiful she is. I’m not sure what was happening but what I was sure of was that I needed to get out of there. Though truly I guess I deserved it, I had spent months telling Chloe that nothing could ever happen between us, then I take her to bed and have no explanation for her, so she had every right to go out last night, to sleep with who she wanted, to do with her life whatever she wanted, I had no right to be upset or angry about it in any way but the truth is, I was, I was upset, my stomach was sick and it hurt to know that I had caused her pain.

************

They say opposites attract and I always wondered if that was real, because most people you meet or date, you have a lot in common with, that’s why you get on so well in the first place, even if it’s just a friendship, but I wondered if that was real. In the time that I had spent with Chloe, I came to realise that it was real, she and I had very little in common and we lived our lives so differently, yet I found myself drawn to her so easily, I felt safe, supported and quite calm around her, even though she did things that made me worry, when I was in her presence she made me feel relaxed because her outlook on life was so fresh and so relaxed that I found myself less uptight about the little things that would happen. Even when we were stuck in Harolds, wondering if Raymond was going to shoot us or not, I was able to stay relatively calm, she thought it was because I was strong-minded or because I was sensible, but it wasn’t, I was able to hold myself together because she was there and everything I did was to keep her safe, it’s only really afterward that I realised that, when Dipi thanked us for protecting her kids, I realised that I wasn’t protecting them, I was protecting Chloe because she was the person in the room that meant most to me, I’m not sure what I would have done if I had of lost her so I did everything I could to make sure I didn’t but then she offered to go with Raymond and my stomach flipped over backwards, there was no way in hell that I was going to let that happen. When the gun was fired, I grabbed her, thinking back on it now, that was because of her touch, the feel of her beside me was what made me feel protected. I saw her face that day when I let go of her hand, she looked how I felt. Hurt.  
I rushed back to my own house, I couldn’t face going back to Mark’s, especially not if Chloe was going to be there, she wanted space and it would only hurt more to be near her and not be with her, and I respected that she didn’t want me around, it was my own fault. 

I wasn’t home too long before there was knock on the door and my heart skipped a beat.

“Oh Hey,” I said somewhat disappointed to see Aaron standing there.

“Hey, do you mind if I come in?” He asks and I step to the side to let him in.

“So what’s up?”

“I just wanted to talk to you about Chloe,” He asks and I stopped in my tracks.

“Why? is she alright?”

“Well, I was hoping you could tell me that?”

“Uhm why me?”

“Well she was quite upset the other night, then she left crying the next morning and went out all night then came home at one in the afternoon,” He says and I can tell he’s annoyed.

“Ok, well you know what she’s like when she’s upset, she does mad things like stay out all night and drink her problems away” 

“Right, but she was ok yesterday morning until you guys had that chat in her room”

“Wh-“ I try but he cuts me off.

“ Not to mention the fact that You stayed in her room and came out in her robe,” He says quite pointedly and I feel myself becoming very uncomfortable, his suspicions are correct but I can’t tell him that.

“What exactly are you asking me here Aaron?”

“Did something happen between you and Chloe?” He asks out straight and I’m taken aback, for a moment I don’t know what to say, I can’t say yes but I hate lying, it’s just one more on to of all the other I have when it comes to Chloe.

“Are you serious?” I ask a little annoyed.

“I’m just saying-“  
“No, don’t just say, Chloe was upset, there was no one around for her so I went to her, and yes I slept in her room because she couldn’t sleep so I sat with her until she did and fell asleep myself” 

“But her robe-“

“I told you, my own was in the wash and Chloe’s was right there so I put it on, I didn’t realise that wearing a robe meant I had slept with someone!” I almost shout, he’s starting to annoy me, mostly because I want him to stop prying, to stop pushing, he’s right I know but I can’t tell him that so this needs to be as convincing as possible.

“Look, I’m just looking out for her”

“And I understand that, but for you to think that I would do something like that”

“Well it just seemed odd and after you had seemed so jealous when Mel showed up!”

“For the last time Aaron, I was not jealous of Mel, I didn’t like her because I didn’t trust her and I was right, you pushed her into Mel’s arms and look what that got her, I was the only one trying to protect her!”

“Ok look I’m sorry, I’m just trying to understand”

“It’s fine, but you should go,” I say and I make my way to open the front door for him. He follows me but stops in front of me, the air between us is tense and angry, he doesn’t, believe me, I know he doesn’t but I don’t care because there is no way I can tell anyone anything until I have it figured out myself.

“Fine, but I will say this, you have a wedding coming up, so if you do love my sister, or if you don’t…you need to figure it out, fast.” He says and walks out of the house leaving me very much startled and afraid, and no more stressed than before. 

However, one thing was for sure, I had a wedding coming up and there was no way I could go through with it unless I figured out what all of this meant. The main question in my mind was, do I love Chloe? I guess we can settle on that fact that yes I was attracted to her, if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have slept with her, at least I don’t think so but did that mean I loved her? This year had been crazy for me, I had lost my job, was held at gunpoint, found out my best friend had a life-altering disease, kissed that same best friend, got engaged to her brother and then slept with that best friend. I was finding it hard to land on my feet after the siege and this wasn’t helping it at all. I needed to clear my head, I needed something or someone to help me find the answers I was looking for because right now I had none and all that was doing was causing distress for the people around me and myself.  
Meeting Chloe, was like something you see in a crappy teen movie when the boy and girl are enemies until they find that they actually are in love, but is that where she and I were headed? I didn’t know, I had never had feelings for a woman before, never found myself attracted to one, I never felt anything but pure friendship for them, but I’m a firm believer that love is fluid and that people can assume that they are a certain way and eventually find out that they are another, and I’m not suggesting for a moment that I’m gay, though it wouldn’t bother me otherwise, what I’m saying is that if love is fluid then can a person really only be one way? surely it’s possible to love someone that you never would have seen yourself with before. People surprise themselves all the time and I understand that but what I can’t wrap my head around is, I thought I loved Mark, so much so that I wanted to marry him, and we had been chasing each other for so long, so if that was so real then how did I manage to find myself in a situation where I was questioning how I felt about him. Maybe Mark and I were chasing each other for so long because it wasn’t meant to me, maybe the reason it was so rocky was a sign that we shouldn’t be together, but if I listened to that then would I have met Chloe? would I have gotten to where I am now with her?

I missed her, it had only been a day, but I hated when she was mad at me and I hated even more that I was the reason she was upset and acting out. I needed someone to make me laugh, to make me feel better and the only person who never failed at that was Chloe, I missed her being around but the only way that was going to happen was if I figured out what all of this meant, what she meant to me, what we meant, what I wanted. So again the big question was,

Do I love her or do I love the idea of her loving me?


	4. Dark Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly's P.O.V

4

“Fine, but I will say this, you have a wedding coming up, so if you do love my sister, or if you don’t…you need to figure it out, fast.”

I had spent all week, going over what Aaron had said, why had he said it? I never gave any indication that I was in love with Chloe, I mean apart from sleeping with her but he doesn’t know that and I had made it very clear to him and Mel that I was in no way even attracted to her, so why would he suggest that I was, or that I even could be, not to mention the fact that Mel had made it quite clear to me that she thought I was jealous, I mean I first met her when she suggested that I was more than Chloe’s friend and even after I denied and denied she still left with the notion that I was jealous. Were they seeing something that I wasn’t? they would have to be, otherwise, they would believe me when I told them no. The thing is, ever since last night I’ve questioned myself and how good I’ve been at acting ‘normal’ or like I wasn’t bothered, and now I’m worried I’ve been giving the wrong signals or at least signals that I shouldn’t be sending under the circumstances.   
It’s driving me insane, you see I never spend this long overthinking or worrying about things, most of the time it’s because I don’t think it’s worth it because in everything you do in life, every mistake, every success, every failure, they’re all lessons so why would I spend my time worrying about them when they all teach me things but this, this is different, I have this fear, it’s quite irrational really, but I’m afraid that if I think to hard about certain things, that I would end up in a dark side of my mind that I quite like to avoid, that I might find things about myself that I don’t like or maybe that I never knew about myself and how terrifying would it be to find that you’re not the person that you once thought that you were? To find that the life you had lead was somewhat of a lie, that it wasn’t real, though I suppose if you follow the idea that everything is a lesson then maybe you live a life not meant for you so that you learn who you really are, so that you gain a greater perspective on how to live your new life or the life that was really meant for you in the first place. You see my problem? I’m afraid, I’m afraid of what it could mean for me, for my life, for Chloe’s life, for Mark’s, for everyone else’s, everyone thinks they know who I am, but what if they’re wrong? then what happens? maybe it means my relationship with people changes, maybe how people see me changes, maybe the way they treat me, maybe the opportunities I get now, I wont get anymore because I’m someone else, I’m not the old Elly, I’m the new one and that affects everything I do and the people around me and I’m not sure I want to upend everyone’s life, at least yet anyway.   
Having said that, it doesn’t stop my head from thinking, my heart from feeling, my body from reacting. It doesn’t stop the things that come so naturally to me like the calmness I feel around her, the peace I get from her scent, the relaxing of my body when she touches me or even brushes against me or the way my heart beats when I hear her laugh, or the butterflies I get when she gets awkward or nervous talks or even that clench in my chest I get, when she…..when she kissed Mel. I can’t stop those things and believe me, I’ve tried but there’s nothing I can do, these reactions come without me even thinking, they just happen and every time I try to brush them off quickly they just play on my mind for days and that’s worse than just accepting the feeling in the moment, besides I’ve seen Chloe hold in her feelings and I saw how that blew up on her because she couldn’t handle it so I make the choice not to brush them off because I fear if I do that then I’ll only make things worse and enter that dark side of my mind that I mentioned, the side that we all have. The one that tells you that you’re not enough, or that you don’t have the abilities you once thought, the one that tells you that the things you feel can’t happen or the one that stops you from sleeping at night and I must say, I haven’t slept much since I kissed her. I haven’t seen her in a few days and I’m riddled with anxiety for the simple reason that she doesn’t want to see me and I’m the cause of that, so I haven’t slept because who can sleep when they think they might be in love with someone other than their fiancé?

 

*********

My Alarm goes off and I reach over and shut it off, not that I needed it on in the first place, I’d been awake for two hours now, having not slept much at all and I’d spent the last two hours tossing and turning in my bed trying to stop all my thoughts for just five minutes so that I could sleep. I made the decision that sitting in my bed all morning wasn’t going to help me much so I got up, I showered and headed to the waterhole, just to get out into the air, I figured that was the best way to clear my head.

“Elly!” I turned when I heard someone shout my name. Mark. I smiled at him as he made his way over to me. 

“Hey,” 

“I was just calling you,”

“Awh I left my phone at the house, just needed to clear my head,”

“Something wrong?” 

“No not really just felt a bit stuck in the house y’know? no job to occupy me” I shrugged and he smiled at me sadly, I feel so bad lying, though really that wasn’t a lie, not having a job is quite stressful.

“You’ll get one soon, there are so many schools to apply to,”

“Yeah I guess”

“Hey do you maybe want to get some breakfast, I have an hour or so before work?”

“Yeah sure why not” I figured the best thing to do for now was act normal. 

“Ok great” He made a move to walk forward but I stopped. Chloe, there she was, standing with some tall handsome man, no doubt a customer for Lassiter's, but why are they here? She laughs loudly, I love that laugh, he goes to walk away and she winks at him, I know that wink, I’ve seen it, she’s flirting with him. I feel sick. It’s so good to see her after everything, to see her laughing and smiling but why this? why did this have to be the way I saw her? flirting with a stranger.

“Elly?” I hear mark say my name again and I’m pulled back from my frantic thoughts.

“Are you alright?”

“Actually I suddenly don’t feel very well, I think I’m just gonna go home and rest” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah I’m sorry I know we’ve not spent much time together the last few days, just I’ve been so stressed”

“Nah it’s fine I understand, go home, rest and call me when you feel better,” He says and kisses me before he walks away. I never noticed before, but his lips, they’re not very soft, not like Chloe’s. I look back over to where Chloe was standing and she looks up from her phone and catches my eyes, I wave a little but she just nods at me and walks away. Ouch. I shake my head and make my way home as fast as possible, getting out to clear my head was quite clearly the wrong idea because I feel the exact same if not worse. Who was that guy? why is happening? I can’t understand any of this!  
I can’t help it, but as soon as I walk in the door, the tears just fall from my eyes, my mind is so wound up, Mark’s sister is in love with me and I didn’t tell him, I’m getting married next week and I don’t know if I want to, I slept with his sister and now she won't speak to me but I’m not sure what hurts most, seeing her flirt with someone, hearing she spent the night with someone, that’s what’s been hurting also, but again does that mean I love her? I wish someone could just give me the answers, slap a sign in front of my face and take all this stress off of me for once because I‘m not sure how long I can take this it all seems a little too much for one person, doesn’t it? but then like I said, everything that happens, happens for a reason but it would be nice if that reason showed up sooner rather than later because none of this seems right. I give up pushing my feelings down and I lay down on my bed and just wait until the tears stop and I fall asleep.

***********

“Elly” someone is saying my name in my dream but I can’t actually see who it is.

“Elly!” I hear again but this time someone is shaking me, I’m not dreaming anymore, my eyes shift open just a crack and I can see someone standing over me and shaking me. Chloe? I open my eyes a bit more to see Bea. She notices that I’m awake now and sits down on the bed beside. I grunt a little and rub my eyes, they sting, then I remember I had been crying.

“Hey, what’re you doing here?” I ask trying to push my groggy body into an upright position.

“Mark told me you weren’t well so I just came to check on you”

“Shouldn’t you be in work?”

“Ah slow day” she shrugs and the room falls silent for a moment, I know she knows there’s something more otherwise she wouldn’t be here during work. She ’s waiting for me to say something but the thing is, I don’t know what to say.

“Can you tell me what’s going on?” She asks through the silence.

“I don’t know what you mean”

“Sure you do, you’ve been withdrawn for a week, maybe a little longer, you’re never in the mood to go out, you sleep late, you’ve not eaten much and the only person you really speak to is me” She looks at me concerned, maybe she’s right, but I hadn’t really noticed my change in behaviour, was I that obvious? well, clearly I am. The room falls silent again, I still don’t know what to say to her, how do I tell her, should I tell her? would that change things? would she think I was a bad person? she’s my sister I don’t want her thinking so poorly of me. I take a deep breath and she grabs my hands ever so gently.

“Just tell me,” She says and I can’t help it but the tears start to fall again, she cares and I know she does, plus I need someone else to talk to besides Aaron who usually just rants at me for the most part. So I wipe the tears off my cheeks and I sit up straight, ready to delve into the story with her, whether she’s ready or not, I’m ready to talk to someone about it because if I don’t then I’ll go insane. Besides ‘all things are ready if our mind be so’. 

Bea pushes herself further onto the bed and gets comfortable, she knows something big is coming, she’s always been good at reading me. 

So I take a deep breath.

“I slept with Chloe,” I say and she doesn’t even flinch, she doesn’t look shocked or surprised, she doesn’t even seem disgusted, nothing, she just sits there looking at me and for a moment I’m shocked myself, I expected a reaction, I expected more but nothing.

“Did you hear me?” I ask

“Yeah course I did”

“So why aren’t you saying anything?”

“I’m waiting to hear the whole story,” She says calmly, her chilled demeanour makes me feel less terrified like I can actually talk to her without her judging me and I feel the weight lift off my shoulders.

“Wh-…”

“Well obviously there’s more to it than you just slept with Chloe, you did it for a reason, I want to know the whole story,” She says with a small smile and waits for me to continue talking.

 

************

“Ok so let me get this straight, Chloe is in love with you?”

“Yes”

“And the other night was the first time anything happened between you two?”

“Yes, well no there was that night she kissed before I knew how she felt,” I say and she nods at me looking a little confused. She has sat in front of me for the last hour listening to every word I said, never interrupting me, never making any facial expressions, she just listened.

“So, what do you think it means? you kissing her I mean”

“I’m not sure, that’s what I’m trying to figure out, I didn’t go over there with that intention, it just sort of happened and I know that sounds crazy but it’s true”

“What does she think?”

“She’s as confused as I am, she’s pretty upset because I couldn’t answer when she asked me why that’s why we haven’t spoken, she asked me to give her space until I figured it out”

“And what have you come up with?”

“Well, I love Chloe, she’s the best friend I’ve had in a long time, but the thing is since she kissed me the first time, I haven’t felt quite the same”

“In what way?” She asks and I breathe deep because this is going to be hard to put into words.

“Uhm, I guess I see her a little different to the way I used to, I mean when Mel arrived I was furious because Chloe had told me how much she hurt her in the past and I wasn’t about to watch that again but Mel and Aaron, they kept suggesting that I was jealous but I kept telling them I wasn’t that I just didn’t trust Mel, but then she told us about that girl from the club the other night and I had the same feeling about that as I did when I saw her with Mel”

“Which is what?”

“Like my chest is caving in,” I say and I shed another tear.

“It’s too confusing for me, I know I’m attracted to her, I wouldn’t have slept with her., but I’m not sure if I love her, that’s the bit I can’t figure out, I mean I’m engaged to her brother”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t love her”

“Bea I proposed to Mark”

“Ok well, you said you proposed to him after Chloe kissed you right?” She says and I nod.

“So do you think maybe you were in a panic to be engaged because you got scared”

“Scared of what?”

“Your feelings for Chloe, maybe when she kissed you realised that maybe Mark wasn’t the one you wanted and that frightened you,” She says I realise that she might be right.

“I guess that makes sense….but why all of a sudden? I’ve never felt like this toward her before?”

“I don’t believe that love is always a slow build, I think sometimes it just smacks you in the face but I think when you know you know,” She says with a little laugh.

************

I was glad to have spoken to Bea, despite the fact that she didn’t agree with me cheating on Mark, she was still respectful, she listened to me, she understood and she didn’t judge me at all, besides it felt really nice to be able to talk about all of this to someone who wasn’t ranting at me, someone outside the circle, someone on my side for once and honestly it took a lot of the stress away, it didn’t give me any answers but what it did give me was a new perspective, a way of looking at things like I had never before. I suppose what I really got from it was that it is possible to fall in love with someone out of nowhere, maybe it wasn’t out of nowhere, maybe it had been building for a long time, but all of a sudden it hits you and you realise that's why you clicked so well with someone. I still wasn’t sure what I felt, you see I’ve spent a lot of my life being politically correct, never hurting anyone, never pushing people aside to get what I want but now, now I was hurting someone I thought I loved because I didn’t know what I wanted and to me that’s not fair, it’s never fair really but here we are and I feel so guilty for what I’ve done, to Mark and to Chloe, neither of them deserves what I did but who do I rectify it with? Do I marry Mark and break Chloe’s heart or do I go to Chloe and break Mark’s heart? who ends up more hurt in the end? I can’t go to the person who loves me more because I can’t define that, people love in their own ways and sure Mark has hurt me in the past but does that mean he loves me less than Chloe does? What makes any person sacred to another?

I heard a knock on the front door and went to open it after I had my chat with Bea I decided to get up and have a more productive day and had spent the rest of it searching for jobs and sending off applications. I got up from the table, leaving my paperwork and laptop discarded and opened it.

“Chloe” I look at her shocked.

“Hey...Can I come in?” She asks and her voice is small, soft like she doesn’t want to break me.

“Of course, is something wrong?” 

“No, well not really I just want-“

“Chlo I’m really sorry I never-“

“Please, do you mind if I just talk first?” She cuts me short and I feel a little hurt by it but I let her continue.

“Look I know you’re sorry and I know you don’t have all the answers for me and I understand, it took a few days for me to realise that this is all new territory for you and you probably can’t understand it” She says and I nod at her to let her know that she’s right.

“ I would love if we could forget what I said about space because honestly the last few days have been horrible-“

“I know I've hated it too, I miss being with-“

“Elly” She cuts me off again.

“Yeah?”

“I think we should just stick with being casual friends, I don’t think we should be hanging out like we used to because I don’t think that’s good for either us, but I also don’t want to have to ignore you when I do see you” She says and my heart sinks into my stomach, the roof comes crashing down on me and I can feel my world crack at the seems.

“ Sure…if that’s what you’d prefer”

“I just think it’s the smartest option for now at least, until you figure things out”

“Sure”

“I know it seems harsh,” She says and I can see that she’s hurting too, I can see she doesn’t want things to be this way.

“No I understand, this can’t be easy for you either and you’re probably right, it probably is the smartest option” I nod sadly, I hated this, it was almost worse than not speaking, being around her but not being able to be as connected or as close as I know we are.

“I’m really sorry Elly,” 

“No no don’t be, this is my fault and you’re right,”

“Look, you’re bravest, most caring person I know, so I know you’ll handle this and I also know whatever you do, you’ll do it the right way and no matter what you decide, I’ll always be here, I’ll always love you no matter what,” She says and I know she means it, I can see it, I’ve never seen anyone look at me the way Chloe does and it sets my whole body on fire.

“Thank you..for being so understanding” 

“To be honest, if it wasn’t for Bea it probably would have taken me a little longer” She laughs a little, I love that laugh.

“Bea?”

“She came to me and spoke to me earlier, told me how down you’ve been so I wanted to check on you and maybe settle things,” 

She’s so sweet.

“Oh my god”

“No it’s ok, she didn’t bite my head off or anything, she was actually quite chill, but she did help me see things differently”

“Well I’m glad we can at least talk now”

“Look, I’ve been where you are before and it sucks, so I’ll give you all the time you need but it’s just too hard for me to stay so close and I don’t think it would help you either,” She says and I nod again. She makes her way towards the door. 

No, don’t go.

“Can I give you a hug?” I ask and she smiles so sweetly at me and extends her arms and I bury myself in them, as deep as possible and short and fast come the memories of the other night, the feel of her skin against mine, the smell of her shampoo and perfume, the feel of her breath on my neck. She pulls away slowly and I’m disappointed at the loss of her arms around me. She opens the door and steps outside but stops and turns back to me.

“Elly, I just want you to know something”

“What?”

“I love you,” She says ever so softly and walks away from me. Leaving my heart thumping.


	5. Rose without a thorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe

Two days. Two days until the ‘wedding of the year’ though personally, I wouldn’t call it that at all. I haven’t seen Elly all that much, only to help set up for the wedding and even at that, the contact is minimal but honestly I think the distance is doing us both a favour in helping us cope because I find it harder to keep my feelings at bay when I’m around her more often than not. My mum arrived yesterday which has been a nice distraction though she hasn’t really been able to help us much considering that her symptoms are getting a little worse so her shaky hands can’t do much and I think she’s embarrassed by that so she mostly just helps make decisions on where things should go or what they should look like rather than moving things or picking things up.   
I’m not quite sure why the wedding is still happening but I guess the only thing that feels somewhat normal to Elly right now is the fact that Mark loves her and she’s familiar with him, so why not stick with what you know until you figure everything else out right? I suppose that’s how I would look at it.  
I'm quite sick of all this wedding crap, I know it sounds crazy but if life were perfect, I wouldn’t be organising this wedding for Elly and Mark, I’d be organising it for Elly and me, which probably sounds ridiculous because I’ve spent my whole life thinking that spending my life with one person was insane, that was until I fell in love with Elly, now it seems like that’s all I want and I’m not sure that I would want it with someone else, see she understands my diagnosis, she understands that the life I have won't last as long as hers but she doesn’t care, but will I find someone else that would understand that? I mean I thought Mel did but then she told me no one would love me because I have a sell by date and she’s right and I’ve only met one person who really got that and that was Elly, how many Elly’s is there in the world? I doubt very many.

This morning I had a day off work so I was going to be spending it with my mum, we don’t get to see her very often so when we do, I like to squeeze in as much time with her as possible. 

We had just arrived in the waterhole to get lunch, she hadn’t stopped talking about how perfect Mark and Elly were together, I was going insane so naturally, I ordered I cocktail.

“So Chloe,” She says as she sits down in front of me.

“Yes?”

“I wanted to talk to you about Mel,” She says and I groan, I was so over talking about Mel or thinking about Mel and adding that to this weekend was not going to help in the slightest.

“Ugh mum, do we have to?”

“Yes we do, you promised me you would be more open with me from now on, and this is one of those times when you have to,” She says and I roll my eyes at her.

“So, how are you doing?” 

“I’m fine honestly, we all knew she was crazy”

“Aaron told me that she was the reason you were left in such deep debt”

“trust Aaron to spill all of my secrets”

“He was just concerned”

“Well he wouldn’t have had to be if he hadn’t of invited Mel here in the first place”

“And I’m sure he’s sorry” 

“Yeah I know he is,” I say and for a moment she doesn’t say anything so I take the opportunity to take a swig at my drink.

“Why didn’t you tell me what she had done?”

“I didn’t want to worry you, honestly it wasn’t a big deal”

“Well it’ a big deal to me if you needed to borrow my money for an issue Mel caused,” She says pointedly and I suppose she’s right. Our food arrives just as she’s about to speak so it gives me time to stop her from continuing on.

“Well it’s over now, she’s gone and so is the money problem”

“Yes but what about you?”

“What about me?”

“How are you feeling?”

“Honestly? I’m exhausted, I’m tired of being angry at Mel, tired of talking about her, tired of worrying about my diagnosis, tired of people using me” That last part slipped out and she looks at me confused.

“Who’s using you?” She asks and I go blank for a second.

“I just mean Mel, she was just using me to get the garage and have an alibi for when she did what she did” I answer swiftly and she nods at me.

“There’s something else I wanted to ask”

“Mum please can’t we just drop it?”

“It’s not Mel….it’s about Elly,” She says with worry and suspicion written all over her face.

shit

“what about her?”

“Uhm, she seems off, tired or something”

“And?”

“Well do you think maybe she’s pregnant?” She asks and I choke on my drink. What the hell? It takes me a minute to catch my breath again.

“Absolutely not!” I cough. God, I hope not anyway.

“Ah, how do you know? he and Elly are both young and hungry they must be trying for one”

“Oh my god Mum! can you please not talk about Mark being ‘hungry’ that’s so gross”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous it’s only natural”

“No, it is not!” I raise my voice she laughs at me.

“Alright fine you win, I won't mention Mark and his bedroom habits” 

“Thank you! god! right in front of my food”, I gasp and she laughs at my antics. Truth is, as gross as it was thinking about Mark like that, it was even worse thinking about Elly like that at least when it’s with someone other than me. However, it got me thinking, were they trying? though I’m sure Elly would have told me if they were, at least I think she would. 

Nah they couldn’t be, Elly doesn’t even know if she wants to be with Mark, let alone have his children.

***************

My whole life, I have been content with the fact that I was never someone who could commit to just one person and I don’t mean I’d date several people at once, but the idea of spending all your life with one person until the day you died just seemed crazy to me. I mean surely you’d run out of things to talk about, things to discuss, you’d no longer find their little quirks fun and you’d fight over stupid things like whether or not the kitchen walls should have tiles or not, rows about trivial things, things that really don’t matter all that much, I mean I sat listening to couples argue over the stupid things and at the end of the day they make no difference to the value of their lives.   
I’ve seen couples who seemed perfect, get divorced, I’ve seen couples have on-off relationships, always running back to each other but breaking up again or almost breaking up and to me that just never seemed worth the hassle. I think a part of me was always aware somehow that my life wasn’t going to be long-lived, that I knew when it was going to end so my life was built on the idea of live the way you wish for as long as you can and in whatever way you want because you never know what could happen tomorrow and why would you spend all your time with one person when you could spend it with loads of different people, I also figured that if you committed to one person then your life becomes their life so you lose the ability to be free in a way, you end up having to use your money on stuff for your life with them, on houses, bills and children if the relationship went that way. You couldn’t travel when and where you wanted because you had to be there for that person and live your life to uphold that life and why would anyone in their right minds want to live for someone other than themselves? Maybe that’s little selfish and I don’t mean it to be, because I love my friends, I love my family and I do care for people but I can still live my own life while caring for those people.  
I met Elly a year ago and in a split second, my whole world was flipped upside down and that included my entire view on how I saw my life going. I suppose it does seem a little bit crazy to say that someone I’ve only known a year could have such an impact on my life but that’s the way life goes in a funny way right? you find people that you love, find people who you care about and want to spend time with and every now and then you find someone who you want more with, it’s crazy the different types of effect that people can have on you. I’ve travelled to so many different places, so many towns, cities and countries and met so many different people, some of them wonderful, some of them not so much but I have met so many interesting and incredible people and Elly, well she outshines every single one of them. I never expected to be so taken by her, I mean I did hit on her once but that’s because she looks incredible and I was being my general flirty self so nothing new there but I definitely didn’t expect my heart to swell five sizes every time she walked in the room.   
Anyway, my point is, my mum has spent all day talking about how perfect Mark and Elly are for each other and how they’re meant for each other but honestly I don’t see it that way. The way I see it is that, Elly met Mark, so that I could meet her and I hate to be so disrespectful of my brother but in my perfect world, Elly is meant for me and my mum would be asking if she and I were having children, though truth be told I’m not entirely sure I want children but then again I didn’t want a relationship either and now look how it’s turned out, besides that’s not the point, the point is, it should be me, in my world, in my mind, in my heart, it’s Elly and I, not Elly and Mark, but how that is going to happen I have no idea because in two days they’re ready to be married and that only makes things ten times more complicated than they already are, but no good love story began with a perfect path, no rose ever grew without a thorn.

What is happening to me, that’s so corny.

I was left at home alone, to sit in my head that’s what was happening to me, mum had gone out to dinner with Aaron and David and I was not about to sit in on that, between Aaron and his dodgy looks and Mum talking about babies, not my idea of fun so I stayed in, not my usual way to spend my Friday nights, especially when I had a day off but I hadn’t much choice, everyone was busy readying themselves for the wedding and I didn’t care enough so I was sat on the sofa again flicking through the channels when there was a knock on the door.

Thank god, I was going nuts. I was trying to act chill there, but we all know I suck at sitting alone.

“Bea hey! come in” I say and step to the side to let her in. She makes her way over to the island in the kitchen and I follow her.

jeez her vibes are super serious.

“We need to talk”

“Ok what about?” I laugh a little because her whole tone is making me a tad nervous and mildly uncomfortable.

“It’s about Elly” 

“Jeez if I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me this week” I roll my eyes.

“What?”

“Nothing, go on” 

“I don’t think she should be marrying Mark”

what is going on?

“Uhm ok but why are you telling me this?”

“Because you’re the only person who can do something about it”

“Again, what?”

“Chloe, I think you should stop Elly from marrying mark”

 

Great.


	6. Elly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories

“Ah, you’re Chloe?” She says, somewhat suspicious but at the time I like to think she’s intrigued because I certainly was, by her.

“Apparently my reputation proceeds me” I flirt a little confidently. I mean, she did just attack me for taking my brothers wallet out of his jacket and accused me of stealing it but as crazy as she seemed, I was quite attracted to her, she had this wonderful smile, her body was perfectly outlined by her outfit and her eyes, well they were blue, like the ocean. I had only been taking his wallet to pay for the coffee we just had and I had no money so naturally I assumed my big brother was going to pay the bill, clearly she got the wrong impression, I got the feeling that she was somewhat jealous so I made the assumption that she and Mark had a thing, clearly he and I have the same taste in women, well mine is somewhat better.  
She walked away from me that day extremely annoyed, I had broken her handbag, but really that wasn’t my doing, I was only defending myself, she made it very clear she didn’t like me and usually I don’t care about those things but that rubbed me the wrong way for some reason. I didn’t mind watching her leave though, at the time I was still somewhat immature and I probably could have slapped her myself, I mean she gave as good as she got really and I did enjoy seeing her get all squirmy over the idea of me being Mark’s date, I believed the word she used was ‘Skanky”, super classy with her words I must say, so I was happy to watch her make a fool of herself.

**  
Here I was standing in my room looking in the mirror, finishing getting ready for the wedding, I wasn’t sure how long I had been standing there but I know it had been a while because I heard someone calling my name and it took me a moment to come out of my trance and I turned and saw Aaron standing in my bedroom door. I just stared at him for a moment, I was almost sure that if I spoke I would cry, how did we get here?

“Hey, everyone is waiting,” He says softly, he knows I’m hurting.

“You guys go ahead, Elly aside me to pop round and head there with her and Bea” 

“Chloe”

“It’s fine honest, I’ll see you there,” I say and he waits for a moment before leaving. I was numb. when I heard the rest of the family leave I took a deep breath and walked out of my room ever so slowly, I figured that the slower I went the longer it would be before I sat watching the love of my life marry my brother. It didn’t matter what I felt now, it didn’t matter what I thought or what I wanted, it was here, she was marrying Mark and there was nothing I could do about that. I threw my bag over my shoulder and breathed heavily before walking out and locking the door behind me.

**  
“Chloe, I think you should stop Elly from marrying Mark” I was somewhat shocked at what Bea had just said to me, I know she loves Elly and I know she wants her to be happy so why would she ask me to stop the wedding, what could I possibly say that could make Elly think again about marrying him, she had made it clear that she didn’t know what she wanted and I wasn’t going to be the one to ruin this day or pressure her.

“I can’t do that”

“But why? she listens to you and you know best how she feels” 

“That’s the thing, I don’t know how she feels, nor does she so why would I ruin this day when neither of us has any idea what happens after” 

“ Well I think it’s a mistake” She was right, it was a mistake and I’d be the first person to agree with that but I knew it would be an even bigger mistake to stop a wedding with no real idea of what could happen, it would also be the worst way to break all of this news to Mark, it wouldn’t be right, I mean it will never be right but to throw it at him at the altar? well, that would just be awful. But then waiting until after he’s ‘happily married’, is that worse? god, I didn’t know anymore, it was never going to be right, none of it was how it should be but I wasn’t about to blow up everyone’s day especially when I had no idea how Elly felt.

**

“So does that mean you’re single?”

“At the moment yeah,” She says and I take the opportunity to check her out, not so subtly.

“Men around here need their eyes checked”

“Ah, thank you?” 

“Gimme a call if you ever want to mix things up, I would totally be up for that” I wink at her and I meant every word. It was childish flirting but I couldn’t help it. She’s was so strikingly beautiful, I’d never seen anyone quite like her and she had this air of seriousness and authority that balanced nicely with my own messy self, besides I was getting this vibe off her, this sort of chemistry sparking between us like quick shots of lightning and I’m not sure where it was coming from because she seemed so straight-laced, never willing to take a risk or do something outside of her comfort zone. I didn’t mind so much though, I was just into her vibe and frankly her body because she was beautiful and I’m not blind.  
She was wearing a white blouse and a black leather pencil skirt that was hugging her curves quite nicely, she looked not unlike that sexy librarian we all have fantasies about in our youth and admittedly our adult life because who doesn’t love a beautiful woman who is also strong, intelligent and mature. If anything the maturity of her was just exuding through her outfit and that’s why I was so drawn to her, she walked around like the had this authority and strength and I’m a sucker for a woman with confidence and a bit of fight. She was like something only out of a movie and I was undoubtedly attracted to her even if she did want to slap me silly.

I hadn’t seen much of Elly after that, and believe me when I say I looked out for her, I was in some ways desperate just to catch a glimpse of her beauty. Then I walked into the Waterhole, Leo had just given me a job t Lassiter’s and I had just walked in to thank him, Elly wasn’t all too impressed at my arrival but I kind of enjoyed seeing her so annoyed at me, her eyes were dark but I didn’t mind, it only made them look deeper and I’ve always got a kick out of messing with people when I know they are not too fond of me. She was stood there, looking wonderful as always in a white dress.

**

A white dress, I had just walked into her house and there she was, stood before me in her wedding dress, she looked stunning and my breath got stuck in my throat, I gasped and I guess she heard it because she looked in my direction and gave me the softest of smiles that made my heart melt and break all at the same time. I smiled back at her as best I could, but here she was, the dream of her standing in front of me in a white dress only in this version, it wasn’t to marry me, it was to marry my brother, he was living my dream today.

“You look beautiful” I manage to say through a dry mouth and I see her blush which only makes my heart flutter some more, she looks down at the floor to hide her red cheeks but I can still see them, even under her makeup.

“so do you,” she says and I knew she meant it, she stared at me a little too long. Bea walks in eventually filling the tense silence between us and looks at us as though she wants to thump our heads together.

“Uh, we should get going, don’t wanna be late right?” I laugh awkwardly.

“Yeah you’re right, let’s go” Elly nods and follows me and Bea out to the car, the car that was taking us to her wedding.

**

“So me being a pain sort of helped?” Elly asked somewhat hopeful. She had just spent the entire day chewing my head off over my situation with Pearse, she was adamant that it was dangerous and he was going to get the wrong idea and I kept telling her that I wasn’t even sure what I was going to do and besides, it was my life and my decision, I couldn’t understand why she was so mad at me really because she and I weren’t even that close so why would it matter to her whether I took things a little further with Pearse. I had somewhat just let it go over my head but we went for lunch with Amy and she lay into me and I was not impressed so I left because I didn’t want to listen to her judge me any longer.   
However, my resolve had crumbled a little when left to my own devices and I realised that maybe she was right, maybe it was too much to go further with Pearse and I realised that I wasn’t completely comfortable and I told her this, I was glad that she said what she said because honestly, I think I would have gone through it without thinking about it. Now she was here in my kitchen and had decided that her annoying judgements had actually been right and it was killing me to admit that she was, in fact, correct and I had stormed off like an idiot for no reason. 

“It’s almost like you care about me or something” I joked after a while and rolled my eyes but honestly, I was delighted to know that someone cared about me, that she cared for me, someone who I was sure was never going to like me was all of a sudden looking out for me and to make it better, it was Elly.

“It’s almost like that isn’t it?”

“Well, at least one of my relationships has been taking to the next level today!” I smiled and I meant it, over the course of a few months, Elly and I had grown closer and closer and I was so honoured to know we had reached a new point in our friendship. She reaches her arms out and hugs me and out of nowhere I feel this warmth take over my body like stepping out into the sun, I wasn’t entirely sure what it was but I knew she was the only person I knew that had ever made me feel such a way.

**  
Here I am, walking through the veils with a bouquet of flowers in my hands, leading my love down the aisle to marry someone who wasn’t me. I was for sure moving but I could feel nothing like I was floating, I couldn’t feel my legs and life was pulling me down the aisle, forcing me down it more like because I really was trying not to. I stood at the altar right beside Bea, holding in the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes and then I see her, her beautiful eyes looking at me as she makes her way towards us, they’re piercing through my soul and I feel that sense of drowning again. Those damn ocean eyes. I swallow hard and fight off the sick feeling in my stomach, the aching in my chest, the weakness in my knees, I was using every fibre in my being to stop myself from losing it and making a run for the exit. I could feel Bea watching me from the corner of her eye but I knew if I looked at her then I lose my strength.  
It seemed like she was moving so slowly that she would never actually reach the top, well in my wishful thinking that’s how it felt anyway like she too was trying not to reach it and all the while her eyes kept flicking back to mine and catching my breath right from my lungs. I have never seen someone look so angelic and it was hurting me, hurting me to watch her marry someone who has never and could never love her or treat like I do, someone who has mistreated her, who never really understood her, someone who has caused her pain and yet here I was, loving her, wanting nothing more than to see her smile, doing everything I could possibly do for her if not more and she wasn’t making her way to me, I was watching her enter a marriage that wasn’t meant to be.

finally, she reaches the altar.

**

I chased Elly down the road, she had just come to see Mark at the garage but she left pretty swiftly, I knew she was upset, I could see it, her eyes weren’t glowing like the usually do, they were searching for something, it was easy to see she was lost and in pain and I hated to see her like that so I followed her, I wanted to help, whatever the matter was I wanted to be there for her like she had been there for me through every other crazy thing I had done the last few months. I guess it was little bit corny to chase her and tell her how I cared for her but I just wanted to be there for her, so she told me she lost her job and true to Elly style, she was acting hard like this was just a lesson for her to learn as though it wasn’t hurting, as though she didn’t feel like her world had fallen apart but I could tell, it was written in her eyes and it seemed to me like it was written in a language that I was fluent in.

“You don’t need to do that with me”

“Do what?”

“Be brave”

**

She’s talking, I hear her voice and it takes me back into the present tense, She was saying her vows, something I definitely did not want or need to hear but I was listening to them, every single word chipping away at my shell and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out, I listen to her tell Mark how he’s the love of her life and I hear him tell her the same thing but I know that it’s not true, Mark has never loved anyone like he loved Kate and maybe that’s a bit unfair but he’s telling her things that he doesn’t really mean and she’s telling him things that should be for me.  
The whole place is watching them like little puppies in love, like this is the greatest love story ever told and it hurt to see so many people watch like it was meant to be, was I the only one who felt this was all wrong? was I the only one who understood that Mark and Elly didn’t belong together, I think everyone forgot how he treated her in the beginning and nobody sees how I treat her now.

**

“Y’know what’s awesome about you?”

“My excellent travel stories?”

“No one actually likes those Chloe” She laughs a deep laugh and I’m so drawn in by the sound, like a beautiful symphony and it’s even better knowing she’s happy even if it’s just for a moment.

“Liar! you do! you’re usually the only one who even listens to ‘em” 

“No, you’re true to yourself, you decide on something and you do it, you want something you take, you know exactly who you are and it’s admirable” She gushes and I feel my cheeks heat up and those familiar butterflies flitting around my stomach, it was quite endearing to hear her speak so highly of me, for her to admire me in the way that I admire her. I knew she was being genuine it wasn’t the alcohol talking. She and I were sitting on her sofa, drinking and gossiping, putting the world to rights, I figured that was the best way to cheer her up and it seemed to be working so far. We were under a blanket drinking wine and I could feel her legs barely touching mine but it was enough to light my skin on fire. I’m pretty sure we had been there for hours but I was sure I could stay here all night just listening to her. She was listening just as eagerly to me when I spoke about my Huntington's, she always listens to me. Not to mention I had just told her that I was secretly hoping one of my brothers would have it so that I’m not alone, I don’t think I’d admit that to anyone else if I’m honest and I’m not sure why.

There’s this air that’s gathering between us, I can’t tell if it’s just me or if she feels it too but it’s heavy and hot and full of chemistry that I’ve never quite felt before.

“I’m not going to judge you for how you feel”

“You wouldn’t would you? that’s what makes you awesome” I smile  
“That and you always know the right thing to say” I add and she smiles back at me looking somewhat shy.  
At some point, we’ve moved a little closer together and I can feel this tension building, she’s talking and I’m answering but I’m not quite sure what’s being said because I’m staring at her lips, there were so perfect and full and I wanted to know what they felt like. I knew I should be listening to what she was saying to me so I drew my mind back to the conversation.

“I promise you, you will never be alone I will always be right here for you,” She says so genuinely and I feel my heart swell a little and I find myself moving towards her and the next thing I know, her lips are against my own. I’ve kissed her.

**  
I kissed her, but right now she’s kissing Mark and all I can hear are the cheers from everyone watching and I hear my heart break for the last time. they turn to make their way down the altar and her eyes land on mine and it hurts, like a kick to the stomach but I don’t move, my face stays like stone because I don’t dare to show that I’m hurt though I might guess that she already knows and she looks somewhat upset herself. I watch them make their way back inside together, I feel a tug on my arm and I find Bea pulling me away and down the aisle, she looks at me with sympathetic eyes but I just smile at her because I can’t speak.   
This is not where I imagined I would be in the slightest, being in love with Elly while being the bridesmaid at her wedding, standing pining when she kissed someone else. I knew what her kiss felt like, I knew what way she kissed I knew what her lip balm tasted like and I dreamt of it almost every night. I wonder does Mark appreciate those little things about her. I know he’s my brother and I shouldn’t be so harsh but he’s just married my girl and I can't help but be a little angry at him because how is that fair. I watch her every day, I watch the things she does and the way she’s does them and I love every single one of them, I even love her little quirks that some people find annoying and I wonder does Mark love them too but I in someways doubt that because I can’t help but wonder if he's settling just to settle, he has always wanted a wife and children since the day he met Kate that is all he’s wanted and I sometimes feel that’s why he’s married Elly, to get that family even if it’s with someone he doesn’t love all the way. Then it really isn’t any of my business, is it? though I suppose the fact that Elly and I had slept together and that she could quite possibly have feelings for me kind of makes it my business and my opinion will always be that she should be with me.

“Hey, are you alright?” I see Bea stand beside me and hands me a glass of champagne and I waste no time in throwing it back and finishing it.

“Oh, that good?” She laughs a little.

“It’s hard but what’s done is done”

“Well if you ask me, it won't last very long”

“You seem so sure of all this and I don’t know how”

“Well you may know every single thing there is to know about Elly but I know what it looks like when she’s in love and she does not look at him the way she looks at you,” She says and walks away from me leaving me stumped. She couldn’t possibly have meant that Elly was in love with me? I figured maybe she had some sort of feelings for me but I never imagined she could be in love with me, at least not at this moment anyway because in my mind if you love someone you would do anything to be with them, though I did tell Elly we should stay away from each other.

shit

“You know there’s more champagne you don’t have to hug an empty glass” My head whips around to find Elly beside me smirking. God, she’s breathtaking.

“Yeah well, necking another glass is probably the wrong option for me today!” I laugh lightly, never making eye contact with her.

“Are you ok ?”

“You’re like the fifth person to ask me that today, I’m fine,” I say but I’m not annoyed I just hate lying and frankly every time someone asks all I want to do is cry.

“I care about you Chloe, you don’t have to be here if you’re unhappy”

“And what would I tell Mark? sorry I need to leave early because you just married the love of my life?” I quip and she looks at me with furrowed brows.

“The lo- how am- what- How can I possibly be the love of your life?”

“Don’t believe me then?”

“No, I just-“

“Look all I know is, in my whole life I have never felt this way, no one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel, so yeah,” I say and I walk away from her. The champagne was calling me and my dumb ass is annoyed that I let that slip.

She’s the love of my life and I was sure of it even if she wasn’t.


	7. The Thorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly's P.O.V

Two weeks. 

It had been two weeks since Mark and I got married, the best day of my life? probably not, best two weeks of my life? absolutely not. Things have been somewhat weird between us, I guess you could say it’s mostly me that’s been acting weird but it’s not just me, he’s been kind of distant himself but that’s probably due to the fact that he asked me to move in and I said no, I told him I couldn’t because I didn’t want to make a big move until I could get a job and pay my way around, i spent most of my savings on the wedding so what was left I was sure I needed to keep just in case and part of this was true, I was feeling a little uneasy about it because I couldn’t contribute the way I would like to but the main reason you could say is Chloe, it wouldn’t be fair to her to rub it in her face like that and also, I’m not sure how I would feel about being around her every single day and night, in my mind that was only going to make things harder.   
The day of the wedding, I could tell she was in pain, to the rest of the world she may have seemed fine but I knew, I could see her hurt, I always can and she was doing her best to hide it all day which only made me feel worse, she shouldn’t have to hide her feelings and torture herself just for the sake of someone else, not for my sake, I had caused this mess and she was doing this to protect me which seemed ridiculous, you could say I don’t deserve the things she’s doing for me but I appreciate it greatly. There was one moment, when I thought she was going to cry and that was when she arrived at my house, I heard her gasp when she saw me and I was so sure she was going to cry, I will admit it made my heart flip when she said I looked beautiful who doesn’t want to hear that from someone so beautiful themselves.   
Now I’m here, lying in Mark’s bed, he’s gone already to work and I’m waiting to hear Chloe leave so that I can get up but I’m pretty sure my stomach is going to start eating itself if I don’t eat so I just decided to get up, part of me wants to see her, just catch a glimpse of her because nothing makes me smile the way she does and I find she looks even more beautiful in the morning, I also want to make sure she’s ok. After what she told me at the wedding, I couldn’t get her out of my head, I knew Mark loved me and I’ve had plenty of boyfriends who have loved me before but I don’t think anyone has considered me the love of their life or even if they have I haven’t believed them but I believe Chloe, I was so taken aback when she said it but I know Chloe and I know she doesn’t love people lightly even platonically so this had to be real otherwise she wouldn’t say it to me. Another thing I greatly admire, her ability to be so honest about how she feels about me, she isn’t afraid to tell me or talk to me about it and that’s a braveness you don’t find often enough.

“Morning,” She says when she sees me walk into the kitchen. There she is, sat at the table, looking striking, I quite like her work look.

“Oh hey, I wasn’t sure if you’d be up”

“Yeah couldn’t really sleep”

“Something wrong?” I ask, genuinely worried. I knew she hadn’t slept, I could hear her get up in the middle of the night.

“No, I’ll be fine” 

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely”

“ well, I’m here, if you want to talk”

“I know, thank you,” She says softly and it goes silent for a moment, the only noise coming from the kettle, she’s sitting twisting her hands at the table and sighing softly to herself, she’s stressed and it’s so awful to see her that way.

“Elly, about what I said at the wedding,” She says suddenly and I immediately stop what I’m doing and I go to sit beside her at the table.

“About?”

“About you being the love of my life,” She says and looks away so I wait for her to continue because I actually don’t think any words would come out if I tried to answer her.

“I didn’t mean that to put any pressure on you, I was just so torn that day and I didn’t mean to put that on you”

“I know, you didn’t put any pressure on me but..”

“What?” 

“ Did you mean it?” I ask and she looks at me like I’ve gone mad.

“Of course, I wouldn’t have said it otherwise”

“I don’t understand how”

“That’s the problem isn’t it?”

“what is?” 

“You don’t understand what you’re worth so you settle for someone who only loves you at the same level you love yourself, you won't risk the chance to be with someone who loves you the way you deserve because you can’t see that you deserve more,” She says matter of factly. 

“I wouldn’t call it settling”

“I would, Mark has hurt you time and time again and he’s hurting you now, I can see that his behaviour has been off these last two weeks and I can see what that’s doing to you and yet here I am, having done nothing but love you and you’re hesitating”

“It’s not that simple”

“I know that, but even if it’s not with me, I wish you’d see that you’re worth so much more than what Mark gives you”

“Chloe I think-“

“Look I know you don’t know if you can love me but please whatever you do, just realise what you’re worth,” She says and stands up from the table to leave. She’s so unsure of everything, I can tell that she feels like she’s drowning and so do I. 

She looks back at me one more time and I lose my cool for a moment. Her eyes are so bright, and when she looks at me, she sees me, she sees who I really am, the person she believes I am and the person that I can be and I want to be that person, I can’t help it but I want to be what she see’s whoever that maybe I want to be her because I want to be worthy of the love she gives me. You know people keep telling me that I’m a fantastic teacher and that I will find another job and that no matter what happens I will be ok but I don’t believe a single one of those people, except for Chloe, I don’t know why but you can tell when she looks at you that she believes the words she’s saying and if she believes them then so do I. Not always, we all have our days when we have no confidence but even still on those days she makes me believe her.  
I suppose I thought that this intense connection I had with Chloe was just an incredible friendship and in the beginning I was sure I was just mixing things up, that I couldn’t quite find the line between being in love and loving her platonically because she gives me everything that I would want from a partner but she’s a woman, and I’ve never really been attracted to women per-say but then does that really matter, if she’s the kind of person I want to be with then why shouldn’t I be? just because she’s not someone I would usually date, that’s not a good enough reason for me anymore. Besides, she was right when she said Mark’s behaviour had changed, in the last two weeks he’s been distant, talking in his sleep, leaving early and coming home late and doesn’t really notice me when I’m around. This isn’t really the first time that this has happened, it was the reason I left him the first time around because he treated me like I wasn’t worth his time but this time I chalked it up to the fact that I wouldn’t move in but the longer it had been going on the less sure I was of that explanation and it wasn’t quite upsetting. 

My phone pings beside me and I jump, I had been so in my head. Chloe?  
God, I swear at the minute she’s all I think about. If only she knew how I felt. It wasn’t Chloe, it was my friend Lara, she had been my best friend through pretty much my whole life and I hadn’t seen her in a long time, she couldn’t make it to the wedding because she was working overseas but promised to see me when she was back, I guess she’s back now because she’s asking to meet up. I needed some time out of the house and with someone who is outside of all the drama going on so I jumped up straight away and got ready.

*****

“Listen, it was not my fault that you ended up head first in that pool!”

“You liar! you gave me all that drink!”

“Me? Never!” I laughed at her. Lara and I had spent the last two hours reminiscing and honestly, I was loving it, it was so nice to take my mind off of everything and just talk or think about something else for once. Besides, I hadn’t seen her in a long time so I was missing this.

“Well whatever, I needed someone to blame to my mother so you’re it” She winked and I threw my napkin at her. It went a little silent for a minute but it was comfortable however she was watching me curiously for some reason.

“What?” I asked taking a sip of my coffee.

“What’s been going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well for someone who just got married you’ve not mentioned your new husband very much or at all actually,” She says and I open my mouth to speak but she stops me.

“Please, don’t bother denying it, I know when somethings wrong”

“Ah I don’t know, things are a little…strange I guess”

“Strange how?” She asks and as she speaks I see Chloe walk into the room and she makes her way over.

“Hey, on lunch?”

“Yeah just doing a quick coffee run” She smiles and the air becomes a little awkward, she looks over at Lara and then back at me.

“Oh Chloe this is Lara, Lara this is Mark’s sister Chloe” I introduce them and Chloe reaches out to shake her hand.

“Nice to meet you”

“Pleasure is all mine” Lara winks at her and I see Chloe blush a little which makes me feel….angry? I wasn’t sure what I felt but I was definitely not happy about it, to say the least.

“Ok well I better go, I’ll see you later” She nods at me and walks away.

“Ok, why don’t you like her?” Lara asks and I whip my head back around to face her.

“Who? Chloe? I do like her, what do you mean?”

“Well that was super awkward and you barely looked at her”

“Ugh, she and I..uhm well I guess we slept together” I whisper and Lara’s eyes almost pop out of her head.

“Excuse me?”

“Uh yeah, I guess it was a month ago maybe”

“Ok, get up, we are not talking about this here, let’s go for a walk” She stands up and grabs her bag and I follow her.

*****

“ok go,” She says, she had dragged me to a park somewhere just outside of town and in a way, I was grateful, at least this way no one I knew could hear me.

“Ah, so Chloe told me just after Christmas that she was in love with me and well at first I was a little thrown in a way, it was weird I mean she and I were really good friends and she’s Mark sister so I wasn’t totally comfortable with it but..”

“But?”

“But then I started thinking about her, like in a way I’d never thought about her before and don’t get me wrong I tried to ignore it and just move on from it but the more I did that the more I thought about it, about her and I would get so nervous when she came into the room and then one day she was upset, her girlfriend had done something terrible and so I went to cheer her up and well, I couldn’t stop looking at her, wondering about what it would be like to be with her so…so I kissed her and the next thing I knew I was waking up in her bed”

“ok so, does she still have this girlfriend?”

“God no she dumped her”

“And you think you’re in love with her?”

“yes….no….I mean I don’t know?”

“Well, how does she make you feel?”

“I don’t know” I sigh a little and she pushes me down on to a bench and sits beside me.

“Elly, for as long as I have known you, you have known exactly what you wanted and how you were going to get there, I know you, I know you know how you feel, so why are you holding on to it?”

“There are so many people that are going to end up hurt and it’s so new to me”

“Ok well, just for minute, pretend that there’s nobody else, it’s only me here and you can trust me, so tell me how she makes you feel” She says and I take a deep breath, I had never really told anyone this, even when I spoke to Bea I held back something because I wasn’t totally comfortable but this is Lara, she knows exactly what it’s like to have feelings for a girl and not understand them.

“Uhm…god, where do I start?”

“Well, you said she makes you nervous when she walks into the room, why?”

“She’s just, I mean you’ve met her, she’s beautiful, right? she’s got this smile that could brighten anyone’s day, I guess that’s why she’s so good at her job she can connect with anyone and everyone and no matter what you’re going through she can cheer you up, she’s so good at reading me, knowing what to say, knowing what I need even when I don’t tell her anything, she knows what I want without me having to ask and god she’s got those eyes, so bright, so blue, so enamouring and yet so dangerous, you want to dive in but you know they could sweep you away so easily, like the ocean, she’s got ocean eyes and they...they pull me in without even trying” I stop and take a breath because I ran out of air.

“Well she sounds amazing, but how does all of that make YOU feel?”

“Like…..Like I could drown and never want for air”

“Jesus”

“I know it’s bad”

“So why marry Mark”

“Well , after that night we had she told me we needed space because I needed to figure out what I wanted and I was so confused, so torn and the wedding just kept getting closer and closer and I was so scared of calling it off and then realising I was wrong, I was stuck so I just kind of went with what I knew, but now I’m thinking it was the wrong choice”

“Have you guys spoken?”

“Not really, she was furious with me when I slept with her and then couldn’t tell her what I wanted so she wouldn’t speak to me which only made me feel worse and then she decided it was best we kept our distance so it’s kind of rocky, we talk when we have to but nothing like we used to”

“Do you know what you want?”

“I think so”

 

******

Lara was gone, but I was still making my way home going over the conversation we had earlier. I felt quite relieved after talking to her, in a way it was really nice to talk about Chloe and my feelings towards her, it was nice to finally tell someone how amazing she is and how wonderful she makes me feel. I took the long route home just trying to unwind , my head was so tired from talking and thinking so deeply that I just needed an extra moment before I reached home, I knew Mark would be home by now so I made my way to him, he had been acting so strange and I wanted to know why.

I walked into the house as he walked into the kitchen with a bag.

“What’s that for?”

“I’m just going away for a day or two” He answers without even looking at me.

“What? why?”

“I just need some space”

“Ok, but why? is this about me not moving in?” I ask and he stops what he’s doing and looks at me.

“What kind of marriage will we have Elly if we don’t live together?”

“Mark we talked about this”

“Yes but that doesn’t mean I understand, I would do anything for you and yet you refuse to move in here and be with your husband”

“You’d do anything for me? So you being cold and distant and barely speaking, treating me like I’m not there, that’s you doing anything for me?”

“That is not true!” He shouted and I jumped a little.

“Yes, it is! don’t act like you don’t notice what you’re doing, this isn’t even the first time Mark!”

“It is not, you don’t want to live with me and I’m your husband!”

“So that means I have to do whatever you ask?” I scoffed at him.

“No! But I thought you wanted to live with me and raise a family, I thought that was the plan”

“It was until I lost my job!”

“Oh so now you don’t want to?”

“That’s not what I’m saying-“

“That’s exactly what you’re saying, god if I had of known we didn’t want the same things I-“

“You what? you would have called off the wedding? well, I’m not Kate, sorry I can’t give you whatever you want” I say somewhat hurt and I walk out not caring to look back at him.


	8. Is she mine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly's P.O.V

I can’t unsee it, that wink, the way she blushed when it happened, she was wooed a little and it rubbed me the wrong way, now obviously Lara didn’t know our situation at that point but after mulling over it, I wasn’t angry, I was jealous, like crazy it won't leave my head jealous. I’m not sure I have ever seen Chloe blush, she flirts with people they don’t flirt with her and most of the time it’s harmless flirting, she’s doing it to get something but for the last few months she hasn’t done that, not even with Mel and with me she doesn’t flirt, she just tells me I’m beautiful, she says things with more depth but I saw something in her yesterday that I didn’t like, she was flattered and as far as I was concerned, I was the only one who had that effect on her and now it seemed that I wasn’t. Did I have a right to be jealous? no, I didn’t but I was and there was nothing I could do about that. I find myself jealous of a lot when it comes to Chloe and I’ve never been someone who got overly jealous, sure I got a little green, but it never made me feel physically sick like this does. It all seems so irrational though. You see I’m not jealous of people flirting or wanting her, I’m jealous of things, I’m jealous of the sheets that get to wrap themselves around her at night, of her clothes that get to hug her body so tightly, of the wind the way it gets to brush and dance along her skin, of the people that get to see her smile when they walk to the front desk, of the perfume that gets to rest on her neck and I’m jealous of the way the world gets to experience her the way I want to, in her true form, in who she’s growing to be. I want to watch her, feel her, see her, embrace her the way the universe does.  
It does seem a little absurd and I know that but she’s remarkable and she’s everything you want in love and in life. She’s what you’re heart aches for when you’re alone, when you’re sad or when you’re looking for adventure, everything you wish for, it’s her, everything I wish for, she possesses and it bothers me on so many levels that because of myself, I have to watch her from afar, from behind the veil.   
All this from a wink? she didn’t even flirt back but that didn’t make me feel any better because she could if she wanted to, she could have any man or women that she passed, she was a grown single woman and she had the right to flirt with anyone she pleased but honestly, I didn’t want her to, or at least if she was going to I wanted it to be with me. I must have it bad right? After my chat with Lara yesterday I did come to a conclusion without really needing to think that hard, I think talking about my feelings out loud really put the whole thing into perspective for me, even if I wasn’t totally sure on what that meant for me in terms of labels, then again, do we really need to label absolutely everything? I don’t think so. I have fawned over men, my whole life, watched them, wanted them, looked for them but right now, Chloe, this astounding woman, was all I could think about that meant more to me than some label that I didn’t need to have.

Lara called me this morning, she wanted to meet me for lunch so I asked her to meet me at the waterhole, I didn’t fancy running in to Chloe today so I was avoiding Harold’s, it seems a bit cruel, it’s not that I didn’t want to see her, I really did believe me, but after my slight revelation last night, I wasn’t quite ready to see her because she’d be able to read my face straight away, a skill that was a blessing and a curse at the same time. Though I did love the fact that she knew me that well. It made me feel sort of more important to her than everyone else.

Oh, I think I’ve gone insane.

“You are joking me!” I heard a laugh, I knew that laugh, it was Chloe.

“Absolutely not, that girl has a wild side that she likes to hide” 

“I don’t doubt you have one yourself” Chloe quips, she’s sitting at a table with Lara, christ she’s everywhere. I feel this heat bubble up in my chest when I hear her say those words, that's a line, she’s flirting, why is she flirting? I walk straight over to them, doing my best not to act like I was possessed by the green-eyed monster.

“What’s going on here?” I laugh a little but Lara gives a look, she knows.

“Oh I was just picking up some lunch when I ran into Lara so”

“Are you not supposed to be in work?” I ask her and she gives Lara this look like I’ve gone mad. She’s right, I have.

“No Mom! I have the afternoon off” She rolls her eyes at me and I manage to muster a smirk.

“Ok well, let me just grab a chair-“

“No no, take mine, I was just going to leave anyway”

“Awh no you can stay-“

“No honestly, Aaron is bringing mum to the airport so I’m gonna go with them” She stands up and slings her bag over her shoulder and pulls the chair out a little.

“Sit, please,” She says so I do as she asks.

“Ok well, I’ll see you at home I guess” She looks at me and I nod. Lara stands to give her a hug and I get that burning sensation again but I just sit and wait.

“Well it was really nice talking to you” 

“You too, I will call you,” Chloe says. 

What?

“Of course, you have my number”

Again, WHAT?!

“See ya!” Chloe waves a little and makes her way out of the building. I sit with my arms across my chest and Lara narrows her eyes at me.

“What?”

“Why does she have your number?”

“She asked for it”

“Why?”

“I don’t know? she likes my company? you’re not the only human who likes me y’know”

“Well, why does she want to call you?” I huff and Lara laughs a little.

“Ok calm down killer, she arrived while I was waiting on her slow ass so she sat with me and we had a good laugh, just friends, we’re very similar so”

“But she seemed so flirty”

“I get the feeling she’s like that with a lot of people,” She says and she’s not wrong.

“Ugh well, what were you talking about?” 

“Honestly?” she asks, taking a sip from her drink and I nod.

“You, all we talked about was you, that girl is quite literally obsessed with you”

“She is not”

“Did you know she knows practically everything there is to know about you, well apart from your wild days but I gladly filled her in on those!” She winks at me and I gasp.

“You did not?!”

“Oh I did, but she was into it I think”

“Ok so, nothing’s going on?”

“You are shitting me? Chloe literally only wanted to talk about you and besides, I don’t date the girls my best-friend wants, I just date her ex-boyfriend's girlfriend” She smirked at me.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh yeah”

“Ok let me get a menu and you can tell what the hell you’re talking about” I laugh at her.

*******

 

“So you weren’t seeing her while seeing was still with Colin?”

“God no, but I always had this feeling that she fancied me”

“You think all girls fancy you Lara”

“Very true” She nods and I laugh at her. 

She had this confident side, not unlike Chloe’s and it brought a fresh vibe into your day, sure she was a little nuts, a little out there even when we were kids she was that way, but it’s hard not to love her, she may push you into pools or embarrass you in front of the guy you like but she’d have your back through anything and you wouldn’t even have to ask. I guess I could see why she and Chloe got along so well, they have a lot of similarities so it would make sense. That’s not the thought I had earlier when I saw them together, I had spent so long thinking about the wink the day before that my mind went straight to the worst place and clearly I was wrong , I knew Lara may be more than I knew Chloe and I was sure she would never do anything like that to me, she wasn’t that kind of person but Chloe knew how to turn on the heat and I for one am aware how hard it is to resist her when she flicks that switch on you.  
Unfortunately, I couldn’t sit here and get annoyed at her for flirting with anyone, she was free to do that and I was in no way free to scold her for doing so. Chloe wasn’t mine, I wasn’t the girl she was coming home to at night, she didn’t have to explain anything to me or be careful of my feelings, I certainly wasn’t mindful of hers when I slept with her. But we had this ‘situation’ sort of speak, and in some ways I felt that if I was the love of her life then why would she feel the need to go after someone else, then again, I can’t ask her to sit and wait for me when I wasn’t sure of what I really wanted but even still, I sort of felt like she was mine to be jealous over, mine to love, mine to be in awe of, mine to think of day in and day out and yet she isn’t. Is she?

“You’re thinking too hard there my friend” Lara pulls me from my thoughts and give her a small smile.

“Sorry, it just seems crazy doesn’t it? being jealous over a woman who isn’t mine”

“Not at all, we do crazy things for love”

“I never said I loved her”

“ You’re face said it”

“That obvious?”

“To me, to everyone else, it looks like you wanna give her a good slap” She grins at me and kick her under the table.

“So, I have two questions for you then”

“No, I will not ask her for a threesome”

“No you dirty perv! ….Where are you in terms of, sexuality” She asks and I sigh heavily.

“Uhm, well as far as I’m concerned I don’t wish to label it, I don’t think it’s something that I need to worry about right now and I know labels are important for some but trying to find one would only drive me nuts”

“Oh i completely understand that, I know for me I’ve always liked girls and only girls, I mean you were there through all that but I know it’s as cut and dry for everyone else and you’re right, there is no need to label it at all, you love who you love why do you need a label to prove that right?”

“See this is why I love you”

“Yeah save that for Ms Brennan”

“What’s your other question?”

“Oh yeah, I didn’t ask you yesterday because I didn’t want to overwhelm you but I just want to hear you say it”

“say what?”

“Are you in love with Chloe?”

“Yes”

 

*********

It was only when I got home that I realised that last night Mark had left after our row and I hadn’t heard from him since, though I didn’t notice much if at all, that was bad right? I mean despite everything, we were married and I didn’t really notice that he was gone. Shit. We're married. In all the time I was caught up telling Lara how I loved Chloe I never once considered that I was married! I had absolutely no notion what I was going to do from here on in. I was sure of two things, I was in love with Chloe and it was her I wanted to be with not Mark. In all the time it had taken to figure out whether or not I loved Chloe I forgot about her brother, which is awful I know but I couldn’t really control it. I’ve spent months fighting it, months telling her and myself that it couldn’t happen, I couldn't love her and then all of a sudden my world tips on its head and I’ve found myself married to her brother but in love with her. To an outsider that would sound totally barbaric but it is what it is and I’ve said it now, I’ve come to the conclusion within myself and I couldn’t go back on that, that would be worse.   
The question for me now is where do I go from here? I mean Chloe and I have barely spoken and I know she says she loves me but what if I’ve left it too long to love her back, what if she’s reached a point where she can’t be with me or maybe doesn’t think it’s worth it anymore, don’t get me wrong, I remember what she told me, I remember the things she said yesterday but I’m the worst person when it comes to overthinking, especially when it comes to Chloe, I’m always afraid that I’ll get it all wrong and screw everything up, though it seems like I’ve already managed to do that. Then there’s Mark, what do I tell him? that I married him when I didn’t want to? no that wasn’t it. It was never that I didn’t want to marry him, I didn’t really know what I wanted so I just went with it because I was scared of what would happen, I was scared that if I gave in, if I allowed myself to embrace my feelings for Chloe then my whole world would change, I was afraid of what it would make me, but it doesn’t change me, it doesn’t make me anything, it just means I’m in love with someone else.  
I don’t think it matters what way I spin it, it stills sounds bad it still isn’t ok no matter what I tell him he’s going to be broken and I really don’t want to be the cause of his pain, I know what he’s done and I know he has hurt me plenty of times but that doesn’t mean he deserves to hurt himself, that doesn’t mean I deserve to get revenge, that’s not what I want, that’s never what I wanted. Shit, why couldn’t things be simpler? What do I do? wait until Mark and I are no longer butting heads and tell him? that could be moths with the way his mood is at the moment, if I tell him while we’re arguing that will look like I’m saying it to hurt him, do I say it at all? is all of this worth pulling an entire family apart, I mean after everything that’s happened, Chloe needs family, she needs a support system, what if that gets taken away from her because of this? was I worth that to her? I certainly didn’t think so. I was no longer the only one that was going to be affected by this, the whole family was and that wasn’t fair.  
What if I tell him and tear a family apart and then Chloe realises that I’m not what she wants, what if I realise that it’s not what I want? what if it doesn’t work and we’ve caused all this trouble for it to not work, trouble for almost no reason really beyond the fact that we wanted to give something a try, was that kind of heartbreak really what I either of us wanted in the end? I would also hate to be the reason that Chloe’s heart was broken, though if you judged me on the last few months then you could sure as hell say that I had already broken it and I could possibly break her brothers.

“Elly are you home?!” I hear Bea shout.

“Yeah, one sec!” I shout back and quickly wipe my face and fix my hair before making my way out to her.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing”

“Elly”

“Honestly it’s nothing, do you think we could just hang out for tonight and talk about anything else,” I ask her and she smiles at me softly.

“Absolutely”

“Thank you”

“How’s Lara?”

“Completely nuts,” I say and she laughs and follows me onto the sofa.

“Nothing new there”

“Nope, but she is dating Colin’s girlfriend, well ex-girlfriend now”

“No way?!”

“I know right," 

"she’s got some sway with women, surprised she didn’t get you”

“Well, Sophie is bisexual so,”

“And what?”

“I’m straight”

“Debateable” She pokes me in the side and winks.

“Bea, I’m straight”

“Yeah well, so’s spaghetti till it’s wet” She winks and I kick her in the leg but I can’t help but laugh with her.

Thank god for sisters right?


	9. The Thorn pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly's P.O.V

I had this dream when I was a young girl, this fantasy of the life that I wanted to live. I always thought I was going to be really successful, maybe a CEO of a big company or an actress, that second one was more a pipe dream really, the point is I had this dream of being somewhat rich, maybe not a millionaire but certainly making more money than I do, I had a handsome husband who loved me unconditionally and children, I wanted children, not loads, I was never into having loads of kids but I do love children and being a teacher has made me love them even more. I had this dream through my whole childhood and teenage life, that was until I hit university and I hadn’t got a clue what I wanted to do so I stuck with teaching because everyone said that I would make a good teacher so I just did that, don’t get me wrong, I love my job, or at least I did, until I lost it, but that’s the thing, I thought by now I would have all the things I dreamed about but here I am, at home alone, jobless, married to a man who has left town and said absolutely nothing and I’m in love with his sister. It certainly isn’t what I had mapped out in my head when I played dress up as a child and it’s not really a position that I want to be in but like I said before, everyone’s path is different and nobodies life is going to go exactly how they planned, I just wish I knew where mine was headed because then at least I’d know what I needed to do in order to get there because right now I’m lost and stuck.  
Mark and I had been in a somewhat bad place for a lot longer than I cared to admit. Not much longer after the wedding date was set, he seemed to have lost the will to care. He didn’t really get involved in planning it unless he absolutely had to and seemed quite uninterested when he was around and like I said, his behaviour around me changed over time too, as soon as Mark decided he wanted to be a cop again his mind was stuck on that and he couldn’t really think or care about anything else and don’t get me wrong I love that he has such passion for it but as far as I’m concerned if you’re planning a life with someone you supposedly love, well your work shouldn’t really come between that and it certainly shouldn’t mean that you start treating that person with the disrespect that he has treated me with. I have no job but that never changed how I was with him, the one thing that did was this situation with Chloe and I’d be the first to admit that I pulled back myself but it’s hard to try and hold on to someone when they don’t extend their hand to you. He and I had gone through so many different things in the past and every time we tried again, it still ended in tears, maybe I should have got the message the first time around that it just wasn’t a good fit but I was so sure that he was the one, I know now that I was wrong, if he was the one, he wouldn’t be choosing his job over me and oh yeah I wouldn’t be in love with his sister.  
There’s only so much a person can take really and if we’re counting, this would be maybe the fourth time Mark has done this to me, pushed me aside for something or someone else, the first few times I felt guilty, I felt like I was the reason he pushed me away, I thought maybe I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t give him the things he wanted in a girl, I didn’t make enough of an effort but the more it happened the less I doubted myself and the more I thought that maybe Mark was just settling to settle, he loved me and I don’t doubt that but I don’t think he was as in love with me as he says.  
I’ve been in plenty of relationships that have ended in a way that I ended up feeling like I was the reason or that I was at fault for the breakdown but there’s only so much I can do for someone to love me, I shouldn’t have to try and make someone love me, they should love me regardless. I never made a move on Chloe, I never treated her different, never flirted, never changed how I acted or who I was to please her, I never did anything for her benefit, I was just myself around her and somehow she loves me, isn’t that what love is supposed to be? you love someone regardless of everything, you love their flaws and their strengths, you love them without question, without reason. Yet here I was again wondering why Mark seemed so uninterested, here I was feeling inadequate for one person, more than enough for another and yet I had no idea where I needed to be. I knew what I wanted but I didn’t know if that was what I deserved.  
That’s the immediate struggle of all of this, is knowing what the right choice is, knowing what was best for me or for everyone else and making that final decision was going to be the trigger for where my life was headed afterwards, everything that came afterwards was going to be a result or a consequence of that and like I said before, it’s not just me that I’m affecting anymore, it’s a family, it’s other people’s lives. It would be a lot easier if it was just myself that was affected because then I’d know exactly what to do but it isn’t and I’ve so many other people to consider. I mean what happens if Chloe does want this, what happens if she loses her family which is a very high possibility at this point with Aaron’s attitude, I mean this is when she needs them most and who am I to take that from her?

**************

I was watching her from across the way, standing outside the hotel greeting some guests. I watched her smile at them, use those blue eyes to charm them and make them laugh. That was my favourite, hearing her laugh, watching her face light up each time and feeling those butterflies fill my stomach with the sound. I wondered what she was thinking about, was she thinking about me? or maybe she was thinking about Lara, she seemed quite taken by her the other day and I know what Lara said but I know Chloe and sure she flirts with practically everyone but I know what it looks like when she means it and she meant it, at least I think she did. I don’t know I was starting to lose my mind a little bit on that one. Nonetheless, I still loved watching her, wondering about her, what she was feeling, was she tired, did she sleep, what did she dream about? all of these things I wondered while I sat and sank in her presence. It was so nice out and the sun was bouncing off her in all the right places, showing off everything she had in the right way so I found myself glued to the spot across the way until she turned in my direction and caught me, for a split second I was embarrassed so I dropped my eyes trying to hide my red face but I looked back up and she was staring right back at me, she looked how I felt, like I was in awe and she just smiled and turned her attention back to the people walking by her.

 

“What’re you looking at?” I jumped at the sound of someone speaking to me.

“Jesus Piper you scared me”

“Ooh sorry, I was just wondering if you had heard from Mark?”

“No, I haven’t, why?”

“Well he called the other day to say he needed a few days off so I was just wondering when he was coming back”

“I have no idea,” I said honestly, my eyes every so often drifting back to Chloe.

“What? where did he go?”

“I have no idea”

“ I don’t understand”

“He and I kind of got into a fight the other night and I guess he needed space or something” I sigh heavily and she looks at me still confused.

“Well that hardly makes sense, wouldn’t it be better if he stayed to work it out?”

“Yeah well Mark’s never been good at confronting things head on”

“But surely he wouldn’t leave you like that”

“Yeah, you’d like to think that…I better go anyway, I’ll let you know if I hear from him” I say quickly and I walk away without looking back.

Piper must have thought I was gone mad, I mean who gets married and then runs off weeks later because they’ve had a row with there new wife, she was right though it didn’t make sense, regardless of how I felt about Chloe, I was beginning to see what it would be like to spend a life with Mark and it was slightly unsettling, I mean is he planning to run away with every row or misunderstanding? that was not how I wanted a marriage of mine to go, it would never work. It was also bothering me that he was the one who felt hard done by without thinking for a second about how it might be affecting me, but then Mark was always good at only thinking about himself. Needless to say, it must look absurd, I would have appreciated it more had he stayed and actually spoke to me, asked me why I felt the way I did, why I didn’t want to move in, what it was that was upsetting me, but he didn’t, he just knew he was upset and that was enough of a reason to run away.

I made my way to Harrold’s, that still felt slightly uncomfortable for me to do especially without Chloe but I figured the more I did it, the easier it would become. I was right though because each time did seem a little easier, not completely better but I knew I was getting there, nightmares came a little less frequently. I had a lot of those after the siege most of them were pretty tame but when they were bad I would usually call Chloe and she would always answer, no matter what time it was. Mark would get upset that I wouldn’t talk to him about it but he wasn’t there, he didn’t fully understand it and honestly, I always felt safer with Chloe, I always felt like she held my feelings close to her, she saw them as important and she cared for them.

“Elly! what can I get you?”

“Ah, can I get a latte please Dipi?”

“Of course, take a seat I’ll bring it over” she says and I do just that, I sit in the seat right where Raymond sat that day, I’m not quite sure why but in my mind I thought if I could sit where he sat and see the room through his eyes then maybe I could understand it a little better, so I had sat here every time I came in but today, today it was definitely not helping me at all. That was until I saw those bright eyes walk in. She didn’t see me, she walked straight to the counter and placed an order but I was happy to watch her from where I was. She turned around and caught my eyes straight away and made her way to me, my palms sweating immediately.

“Hey, do you mind if I sit”

“Course not,” I say and she sits down in front of me and hooks her bag onto the chair.

“What’re you doing here?”

“Uhm…facing my demons?” I say and she frowns at me.

“You’re having nightmares again”

“Uh yeah”

“Did something happen?”

“Nah I’ve just been stressed and I guess Mark and I had a pretty big fight so”

“Yeah Aaron told me he text to say he’d gone away for a few days”

“Yeah well, that on top of everything else, I guess my mind isn’t strong enough”

“How bad are they?” 

“They’re ok I guess, nothing like they used to be but last night I couldn’t sleep at all”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“Well, I didn’t want to be bothering you in the middle-“

“You could never bother me” 

“Yeah but-“

“But nothing, I want to help,” She says honestly, places her hand on mine and my whole body goes into overdrive, I turn my hand over and hold on to her, she looks down at our hands and then back up to me.

“Ok, here you go girls, can I get you anything else?” I jump and pull my hand away.

“Ah no thanks we're good,” Chloe says and smirks at me, she always loved the kind go life were you’re sitting on the edge of your seat hoping you don’t get caught so I’m sure she was loving this.

“So are you gonna tell me what happened with your nightmares?”

“Not today if that’s ok?”

“Of course, whenever you’re ready”

“How’ve you been?” I asked her finally through the short silence that fell between us.

“I’m always fine”

“Chloe”

“Honestly, I’m ok, I was going to meet Lara tonight for a drink if you want to come?”

“You are? why?” I ask trying to hide the burning sensation that was rising in my chest.

“I don’t know, I like her company I guess…is that ok?”

“What? yeah, of course, it is” I say and hide my face behind my coffee cup. 

“uhuh, so are you gonna come?”

“Oh, no thanks”

“well, why? it’s not like you’re doing something with Mark” she says, she looks like she has questions, I know she wants to ask but she also wants to be respectful so I just wait for her to speak.

"What did you guys argue about?" She asks gently.

“He got upset because I refused when he asked me to move in”

“Well, he wouldn’t be Mark if he didn’t run every time his ego was hurt,” She says and I laugh a little and her honesty.

“I guess not”

“So I ask again, do you want to come?”

“Nah I’m ok, you guys go ahead, Lara is great you’ll have a good night”

“Sure?”

“Absolutely” I nod and she smiles at me.

I had to admit, it was nice to finally sit and talk to her like normal, it had been a while since we were able to be so comfortable with each other because there was always an air of intensity, a cloud of secrets and questions hanging over our heads and it made it hard for us to just talk, to listen, to communicate with each other like we used to. I missed her, I missed having someone to talk to who really understood me, who really listened and who made it clear that they cared. Someone who could take my mind off of all the crazy stuff for just a moment.  
I still wasn’t too enthusiastic about her going out with Lara and not that I have any right but what if she’s seeing this as a chance to move on? what if she’s going out tonight to let go, to let go of me and all the drama that comes with it, I can’t blame her really, it’s too much for anyone to sit and wait on someone no matter how much you love them and she has enough on her plate already. That didn’t mean I wasn’t scared though, because I was. I needed my answer now, I needed a sign to tell me what the right thing to do was and I needed it now before it was too late.

 

*********

Is it too soon? can you really fall in love with someone like that? out of nowhere? quick and fast, hot and heavy, like an avalanche. Does it make sense? 

Did the wedding go ahead because that was where I was supposed to be or did I force it that way?

Do you follow your heart or your head? which one is which? can anyone tell me the difference?

Who am I?

What do I want?

Who do I want?

What do I do?

This who situation makes me feel awful, I must look terrible to everyone, to Mark, to Aaron, to Lara, To Chloe.

What does she see in me? Through all this, you’d think she’d love me less.

Am I worth all this?

I was lost, I thought I knew who I was, I thought I knew what I wanted and where my life was going and now all of a sudden I hadn't got a clue what was going on, my whole life was changing around me without my control and I wanted everything to stop for just one moment so I could piece it all together. But then life was never that simple was it, nothing worth having ever came easy.

“Elly?”

“Mark…” I watch him walk into my house, a little stunned at his arrival, he had never text me, two days he was gone without a single word and he just walks back in having said nothing, not even a single text.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"In a hotel"

"Oh well, I hope you had a nice time!”

“Look I know-“

“No you don’t know, you badgered me about doing something that I didn’t want to do and then when you felt like you were hard done by you just left, you ran away and left me here alone”

“I’m sorry, I know it was stupid”

“Yeah you’re damn right it was”

“But it made me realise something”

“That you’re selfish?” 

“No,” He says softly and steps forward and takes my hands in his, I take a small step back but he’s holding my hands too tight to let go.

“I realised that I never want to apart from you”

“Nice try,” I say and I pull away and sit on the sofa. He follows me quickly and faces me, taking my hand again.

“I realise I’ve been a jerk, and I’ve been distant and moody, but Elly, all I’ve ever wanted is a family and you saying you didn’t want to live with me, well it felt like you didn’t want that family”

“Mark I told you-“

“I know, I know what you said and I understand that but I’m your husband and I don’t care if you don’t have a job, I will support you no matter what but I want to be with you” He says, his eyes look as though they’re about to let out his tears.

“Mark-“

“Please just hear me out” He cuts me off so I nod at him and wait. 

“This whole year has been crazy, so many bad things and so many good things, but everything that has happened has only made me want to be with you more and I know I haven’t exactly shown that but I guess I was just trying to process everything that was happening”

“But what about the last two days? Mark I don’t want to be in a relationship where my husband leaves every time things get tough” I snap a little, I see him flinch and I regret it instantly, I hated seeing him so sad I hated seeing anyone sad.

“I know and I’m sorry, I was being selfish, I wanted everything to be perfect but life doesn’t work like that”

“And now?”

“I won’t ask you, I promise I won’t pressure you about moving in until you’re ready” He smiles at me and I can see he’s hoping, pleading with me to forgive him. In some ways he had a point, this year had been crazy and anyone would have a hard time dealing with that, especially Mark.

“Thank you”

“And when you’re ready, we can move all your stuff in with me”

“Sure”

“Then we can start trying for a baby” He smiles at me and my stomach falls.


	10. The Thorn pt.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly's P.O.V

10

 

"What?"

"I was just saying that we can try for a baby" He smiles a little at me and then stands to make his way to the kitchen. I follow him swiftly, I was panicking, I could feel my hands start to shake.

"Do we really need to think about that now?"

"Well no but I'm just saying" He shrugs.

"You just told me you wouldn't pressure me"

"And I won't, I was simply saying that when you do move in then we could think about starting a family"

"We are nowhere near that yet," I say a little agitated and he looks at me perplexed.

"Sure not now but eventually," He says and I huff a little and walk away from him.

"Why are you getting so worked up about it?"

"I'm not I just don't understand why you need to push these things," I say and I start pacing the room, I was getting so worked up, I wasn't sure why but I felt trapped like I needed to get away from all of this. I thought I was off the hook when he agreed not to pressure me about moving in and then he starts talking about children and I feel like I can’t breathe properly, my chest is tight.

“I’m not pushing anything, am I not allowed to discuss having a family with my wife?”

“I’ve only been your wife for like a month”

“So what? Elly, we have been together a lot longer”

“Yes but this is a huge step,” I say, he holds his hands out and stops me from pacing around the room. I take a deep breath and try to relax myself a little, this is quickly becoming far too much for me to handle and I’m not sure how much longer I can take it for.

“And I realise that but it’s no crime to dream right?”

“No, it’s not-“

 

“Then what is the problem?!” He shouts a little, he’s getting frustrated and I can see that. He rubs his hands on his face and sighs heavily. I hate this as much as he does, I may not love him in the way that he loves me but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about him, it doesn’t erase all the things that have happened between us, that has to count for something right? so it still hurts to see him upset.  
He stands infant of me and just stares at me for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say, the air is so tense that I’m almost afraid to move in case it shakes the ground. I’m not sure what’s going to come of this, I don’t know what any of this means, I’m certainly not ready to tell him, I know he needs to know and I want to, but should I? I don’t feel like it’s the moment I really don’t but then again, this argument is going nowhere and he’s only growing more impatient with me and I don’t want to push him, it would be so wrong of me to drag it out for longer than it needs to be but then again, if I’m not ready or if I don’t feel it's right then is it fair on me? Maybe it’s not about me, well it isn’t really it’s about being honest, it’s about him getting the respect he deserves regardless of the things he’s done or the way he has acted. I can feel the heavy air sitting on my shoulders and I can see it sitting on his and still neither of us are speaking the silence is deafening to me I can feel it pounding in my ears. My chest is heaving with secrets, I’ve never been good at hiding things, never good at keeping secrets yet somehow when it came to Chloe I kept so many of them for her even though it made me feel so uncomfortable but I did it anyway and my chest feels like it wants to let all of them out but that wouldn’t be right.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to shout” His small voice cutting through the silence.

“It’s ok-“

“No, it’s not, you’re stressed and it’s wrong for me to add to that,” He says and gently takes my hands in his and stares at me again.

“I love you and I want a family with you but I can see this is causing you some stress so I can wait, I’d wait forever for you if that’s what you needed”

“Mark-“

“No I’m serious, I understand none of this has been easy for you, the last year has been hard on us all but I guess I didn’t realise that it took it’s toll on you too”

“That’s not-“

“You don’t have to explain it to me, I understand”

“Mark-“

“But you need to know that I love you” He keeps cutting me off and it’s beginning to frustrate me, he’s ignoring the fact that I want to speak because he thinks he knows.  
For as long as I have known Mark he has never really known how I felt, he would listen for a time and then would draw his own conclusion. When we had arguments he generally did most of the talking, just like he is now and by the time he was done Iw as just too exhausted and so far over it to really be bothered to tell him how I really felt, though he never really asked so I figured most of the time if he was even thirty per cent right that I’d just let him have it because I was tired of fighting and what was the point in trying to explain something to someone who has already drawn a conclusion for you?  
Most of the time he wasn’t far off, he did know me pretty well and for a long time I think I allowed things to carry on the way they did because it felt nice to have someone who knew me and I chose to ignore the times when he didn’t, part of me also figured that if Mark knew me so well then maybe he understand my feelings more than I did, maybe he knew how I felt when I didn’t, maybe I was the person he thought I was and I didn’t realise it, maybe he was right and I was refusing to see it, though I can see now that’s he’s completely wrong and I wonder how many times he’s been really wrong in the past and I’ve let it go because I felt loved. That’s the thing isn’t it, we all do unbelievable things in order to feel loved and as I’ve told Chloe, sometimes those things are even criminal things but we do them because we want to feel loved, we want to receive it and I always had a lot to give too and Mark, for a long time made me feel very loved so I allowed him to treat bad sometimes, I allowed him to assume my feelings and I forced myself to love him back when I knew I didn’t because if I left him, I wasn’t sure if anyone would be waiting on the other side for me.

He’s still standing holding my hands and I can feel my palms starting to sweat because I want this to stop, I don’t want to talk about this, I don’t want to discuss babies and families, I want to get out of this room because the longer I stand here the heavier my chest gets.

“Mark-“

“So I will do whatever it is that you need to get us to a place where you feel ready because I know you’re scared but Elly you don’t have to be”

“MARK!” I finally give up and shout at him and he immediately stops speaking and looks at me in shock. I let go of his hands they drop to his side looking somewhat defeated. The room is all of a sudden dark.

“I don’t want children,” I say amongst the heavy clouds that seem to have landed over our heads.

“Of course you do”

“No Mark, I don’t want your children” I can see him wince a little.

“What?”

“I’m so sorry”

“I don’t understand” He whispers and I watch his eyes fill with tears.

“Mark I-“ I stop myself, trying to gather my thoughts. What was happening? I didn’t know but I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Tell me, Whatever it is we can work it out,” He says taking a step flowers me but U take a step back and he winces again. God, I hate this, why did this have to turn out like this? why did someone else have to end up so hurt?  
"No, we can't"

"Why not?"

“I’m in love with someone else,” I say and he chokes on his breath and I watch tears fall down his face.

 

 

**********

“I didn’t really plan this and I don’t have big grand romantic gestures but what I do have is that I love you, you are my everything” I kneel down.

“Mark Brennan, will you marry me?”

I have no idea what I was doing that day, Chloe had just kissed me and we were sitting in the hospital waiting to find out if Mark had Huntington’s or not. we were all so stressed out, so worried and my head had been whirling all night. I couldn’t understand why Chloe had kissed me and I was starting to realise that I had let her, I had kissed her back and I didn’t understand that either and then on top of that I was riddled with fear that Mark was about to be diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, Chloe had only recently been diagnosed and that had me terrified too, I didn’t know how I was feeling or even what I was feeling, nothing was making sense.   
After Chloe had kissed me I found myself taken aback but not in a bad way, for some reason I had felt butterflies in my stomach when it happened and that terrified me because I didn’t understand it, I didn’t know where they came from and then I was faced with the fact that Mark could get some awful news, I wasn’t sure where my head or my heart was so I ran, I ran from facing my feelings, I ran from trying to process what happened, I panicked and the next thing I knew I was on one knee asking Mark to marry me.  
In some ways I was excited because I did love Mark at one point but it allowed me convince myself that I was still in love with him and that the kiss with Chloe was completely one-sided, in my mind it showed me that I was engaged to a man so I couldn’t be attracted to Chloe and it would show Chloe that I wasn’t in to her so maybe nothing else would happen after that and we could just forget that it ever happened and go back to normal.  
It seems ridiculous now and the more I think about it the more I realise that Bea was right when she said that I proposed to Mark because I was scared of what that kiss brought out in me. I know to Chloe and to everyone else it seems ridiculous but you have to understand what it feels like to suddenly question everything you thought you knew about yourself, who you are, what you want, who you want, the life you’ve had, the people you’ve been with and the choices you’ve made. Suddenly you start to think that maybe everything you did was wrong or maybe your life had gone the wrong way or you were lying to yourself for thirty-two years and the next thing you know you’re someone else and you have to figure out who that new person is, what does she want, who does she want, where does she want to go?  
Now I was someone else, I had a different way of seeing things and it wasn’t because of Mark, it was because of Chloe. She put a crack in all of the shadows in my life and I was terrified of what that really meant because how can one person change me so drastically without even trying? how was I meant to navigate myself through this new life of mine? how was I supposed to come to terms with me, with who I was, how does anybody?

Mark and I had been sitting in silence for what felt like hours, at some point he had moved back to the sofa to sit down, obviously quite shocked and I couldn’t really blame him, I had proposed to him and married him and now I was telling him that I was in love with someone else.   
The room was dark and so was the world outside, we had been like this for so long that it at some point had become evening and the only noise we could hear at this point was the humming of crickets. The room was hot, it was humid and clammy, I wasn’t sure if that was the weather or the atmosphere but either way it was becoming increasingly difficult to bare and I could feel that my whole body was sweating, shaking and terrified of what I had said, it was never my plan, I had little intention of telling him but it was getting too much for me and he wouldn’t stop talking so I lost my head a little but now we're here stuck in this humidity, suffocating and tense. He hadn’t spoken, just sat looking at the wall with tears streaming down his face and I couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Who is it?” he croaks, his voice cracking with emotion.

“What?” 

“Who is it?” He repeats

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it does! I have a right to know who the hell it is that has taken you from me”

“Mark, I don’t belong to anyone”

“Just tell me,” He says again, neither of us speaking above a whisper, afraid to break the air in the room.

“Mark-“

“Please”

“Chloe,” I say quickly because if I didn’t just say it I’m not sure I ever could. His eyes shoot up to mine as soon as I speak and he looks so bewildered.

“Excuse me?”

“I said, it’s…..it’s Chloe”

“Brennan? as in my sister Chloe?” His voice is a little louder and he sits upright. I just nod at him because I’m afraid to speak.

“Mark I'm so sorry-“

“There’s no way”

“Sorry?”

“I said there’s no way, there’s no way that’s real, you’re lying”


	11. She's Remarkable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly's P.O.V

“I’m not lying Mark”

“No you have to be it doesn’t make any sense”

“I know it might seem confusing, but it is happening” 

“I don’t understand,” He says and by now the tears are flowing faster and they don’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. I hate seeing him this way, it isn’t fair but it was never fair to keep it from him either.

“I’m so sorry Mark”

“I don’t get it, how does this even happen?” He asks and I take a breath ready to tell him everything.

 

**********

 

“Y’know what’s awesome about you?” I say and put down my glass of wine. Chloe had just bulldozed her way into the house and had forced me to have a ‘sleepover’ with her in order to cheer me up. I will admit at first I was hesitant, I mostly just wanted to be alone, I had lost my job that day and I was in no mood to be around people but I don’t think Chloe took that hint very well but a bottle of wine and some hard gossip later I was feeling a lot better and grateful that she didn’t leave when I said I didn’t feel up to it. Chloe and I had gotten to know each other quite well and she seemed to always know how to fix things for me so I let her because I knew that no matter what she had up her sleeve, she was doing it for me and I loved that.

“My excellent travel stories?” She quips. 

“No one actually likes those Chloe” I was telling the truth, most people did roll their eyes at her antics abroad because most people didn’t get her or the crazy way she lived her life but most of the time I loved hearing them, I loved getting to know her, who she was and the life she had led so far.

“Liar! you do! you’re usually the only one who even listens to ‘em” 

“No, you’re true to yourself, you decide on something and you do it, you want something you take, you know exactly who you are and it’s admirable,” I said easily and I meant it. From the moment I had met her Chloe had never changed, she was always the same, she went after things, she was aware of her skills ad she used them, she took advantage of every opportunity that she had and never apologised for it.  
At some point that night our positions on the couch had gotten a little closer together and I wasn’t sure if it was the wine talking or not but my skin felt as though it was tingling, like there pins and needles all over my body, it was a strange feeling but I kind of liked it though I wasn’t sure what it was. She was sitting staring right at me, never breaking eye contact and I was in awe of her, listening to her talk, watching her eyes light up at points and just seeing the way she moved when she spoke. I was becoming increasingly drawn in by her and I was enjoying her company. She was remarkable to me.  
I think this was the first time she had genuinely opened up about her diagnosis and I was proud of her for being so honest and aware of how she felt and I was honoured that she had chosen me to open up to, I knew it was hard for her to do that and so I greatly appreciated it but I could tell she was nervous, each time she said something she followed it up with how ridiculous it sounded but to me it was never ridiculous, her feelings were just that, they were hers and who was I to say she was wrong to feel them when I’ve never been in her position.

“I’m not going to judge you for how you feel,” I told her without hesitation.

“You wouldn’t would you? that’s what makes you awesome” She smiles at me and my heart jumps in my chest.

What was that? I had no clue but suddenly it began to pound and I felt nerves building up in my body.

“That and you always know the right thing to say”

By this point, she’s got her arm rested on the top of the sofa and her head leaning on her hand, looking at me with an expression that I’m not sure of but it’s making my stomach flip. I was still somewhat convinced that it was the wine in my system but I couldn’t be sure and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever had these feelings because otherwise, I would know what they meant.   
I could feel this air building between us, it was agitated or heavy, it wasn’t sad or low, it was intoxicating, it was intense yet calm, it was almost like laying down looking at the stars, beautiful and mind consuming. 

“I promise you, you will never be alone I will always be right here for you,” I say and suddenly her lips are on mine and my chest explodes.

 

********

“She kissed you?! and you never told me?!” He raises his voice and I flinch a little.

“She asked me not to, we were embarrassed and I didn’t think it was serious!” 

“So you thought it would be ok to just keep a secret from me because Chloe asked?”

“She said it didn’t mean anything so I didn’t think it was a big deal”

“Of course it’s a big deal!” He shouts at me and I jump a little. He stands up and groans loudly pacing the room.

“This still doesn’t explain anything,” He says throwing his hands in the air.

“Well if you would sit back down and let me finish,” I say slowly and he looks at me for a moment, clearly deciding whether or not to do as I asked and eventually he sits back down but further away from me this time.

******

“Chloe! are you ok?” I ran outside to find her hurling her guts into a giant plant. I guess she had a bit too much of that champagne. Our engagement party had been in full swing for a while now but Chloe hadn’t seemed herself all night, she was quiet and uninterested and when she did speak it was usually something cryptic or sarcastic and if I know Chloe, as well as I, think I do, she only amps up the sarcasm when she’s upset about something and is trying to joke it off. This was different though, she seemed down in herself, every-time I looked at her she was throwing back another glass of champagne and soon enough she was completely drunk. She got up to make a speech which was not as endearing as it probably should have been but eventually she climbed off the chair she had been standing on and ran outside so I followed her. I was worried about her, I had never seen her quite like this before.

“Ugh, I think it was something I ate” She slurs a little as I lift her upright.

“What? didn’t sit well with that bottle and a half of champagne you had?”

“You should go back inside, enjoy your party,” She says and I can see her eyes closing ever so slowly.

“Ah no, I wanna make sure you get home safely” I start to lead her away though she’s tripping all over the place.

“You’d leave your own engagement party to take me home? That is the nicest thing in the whole world!” She shouts a little.

“Well don’t worry I comin’ back but just wanna make sure you’re in bed”

“I DIDN”T GET TO FINISH MY SPEECH!” She shouts and frightens the life out of me, she turns to me and I have to catch her so she doesn’t fall over.

“No! it doesn’t matter”

“It does, I wanted to say that I totally get why Mark is so crazy for you”

what is happening?

“Because I love you too,” She says but I’m not sure how to take it, she can barely stand let alone speak. Though for some reason it makes my stomach flip. She hugs me and I wonder what she meant, what way she meant it.

 

******

I take a breath for a moment and just watch Mark, he hasn’t looked at me once, just stared into space, not moving or making any facial expressions, he’s just listening, his tears have stopped falling but I can tell he’s still upset. I look up at the clock and it’s one in the morning. I guess neither of us realised how long we had been sitting there. I stand up and grab water from the fridge and put a bottle in front of Mark but he doesn’t touch it, he doesn’t even look at it. It’s so quiet and dark in the room, the only light is coming from the lamp in the corner and it’s only amplifying the gloomy atmosphere.  
I hated this, I could see the pain written all over his face as I spoke and my own was becoming apparent to me as well, sure it felt good to get it all out and be honest but at the same time, this meant I was losing someone who at one point meant a lot to me and we had a lot of history but that was all it was going to be, history. I know it might not make much sense but it was sad for me to be ending something that was once the biggest impact on my life and to let go of someone who made my life a little more exciting at times.

“Mark?”

“I’m listening”

 

******

“Finally! I have been worried sick especially when you didn’t respond to my messages, did you even get them?” I was so relieved to see her walk in the door that morning. We had gone out the night before and I hadn’t seen or heard from her since she had left with some guy that I saw her kissing which by the way made me feel very uncomfortable but I told myself I was just concerned for her safety. 

“Course I did”

“So why didn’t you respond?”

“Couldn’t be bothered? was havin’ too much fun!” She says a little snarky.

“Why are you doing this?"

“Why does anyone have fun? to have fun, that’s what having funs all about!”

“I understand what fun is”

“Really?”

“Yes really, but when you kissed that guy last night in front of me I got the feeling you were tryna make a point,” I said and I meant it. She lowered her eyes looking a little defeated. I couldn’t understand what point it was that she was trying to make but I wasn’t too happy about it to put it lightly. I could feel her eyes on me the whole night and honestly, I was the same, I couldn’t stop watching her, at the time I figured it was me just being overprotective but I couldn’t really ignore the sickening feeling I had in my stomach when she left with him.  
I had spent all morning texting her because I wanted to know if she was ok, when she was coming home, I wanted her to come home, I wanted her home with me and not with him but I couldn’t really understand why because I was so used to Chloe doing things like this but last night was different, it felt different and now she was being moody, sarcastic, flippant and a little rude. I couldn’t quite grasp what it was I had done to make her mad at me but I didn’t like it, I hated that she hated me and it was becoming annoying that she wouldn’t just tell me what was going on.

********

“I’ve always been afraid of failing, afraid that my best isn’t good enough, that changed the day I met you, you made me brave, you…you helped me follow my dreams, you loved me for who I am. There have been times where our love felt impossible but that only made us stronger. You are my best friend, my partner in crime and my one true love and for the first time, I have this beautiful, exciting future ahead of me. It’s the first day of the rest of my life with you” I stop reading when I see Chloe has started to cry and my heart breaks.  
I had written those as my vows for Mark and had wanted Chloe to listen to them but the thing is, reading them out to her, looking at her eyes, they meant something, it made me feel something, something I couldn’t put my finger on but what I did know was my hands were shaking and my voice was timid, my mouth was drying up on me and a lot of the time I had to force the words out. I was extremely nervous, and Chloe well at the time I thought she was just emotional but now I see, she was hurting, it was hurting her to listen to me talk about somebody like that and it wasn’t her though truthfully at that moment, I think I was talking to her. I think maybe that’s when all of this started, it sparked something in me and I didn’t realise it, until now.

 

*******

“You changed them” Mark whispers.

“what?”

“Those aren’t the vows that you read out on our wedding day”

“I know, it….it didn’t feel right reading them”

“Why? because you’d rather keep the better ones for Chloe”

“No Mark-“ I try but he cuts me off yet again.

“You see I can’t understand why you would marry me knowing that you were in love with my sister”

“I didn’t know Mark, I had no idea how I felt, I was confused and frustrated and I had no idea what I wanted”

“Sounds like you’re pretty clear on it”

“you’re wrong actually, I”m still confused, I have no idea what this means, I have no idea what's right or wrong, I have no idea where I’m going or where I’ll end up but I do know what I feel,”

“Still doesn’t explain why you went through with the wedding”

“Have you any idea what it’s like to be confused about who you are? for thirty-two years I have been the same person and now all of a sudden I’m someone else and I had to try and figure out who that was and it’s terrifying to think that maybe your whole life has been a lie, to realise you’re not the person you once thought you were and yeah you’re right and I probably could have postponed the wedding but what was I supposed to say to you?”

“The truth”

“Yeah like the would have helped, I needed to figure this out on my own and I wouldn’t have been able to do that if you had been waiting on me”

“What about Chloe?” 

“What about her?”

“How does she feel? does she even know?”

“No she doesn’t know, we haven’t really spoken much”

“Do you know if she….uhm if she…” He couldn’t finish his sentence.

“She told me, actually in the Christmas card she wrote me, she told me that she was in love with me”

“Christmas? you’ve known since Christmas?!”

“I’m sorry”

“No you’re not, you knew all this time and you said nothing!” He shouts and the tears start to fall from his eyes again.

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to! hiding this from you has been killing me but I needed to be sure of how I felt before I said anything”

“And this is it? this is what you realised? that you’re in love with Chloe?”

“Yes…not that it matters now, she seems pretty taken by Lara”

“Lara?”

“Yeah they’re gone out together, but Chloe seemed to like her a lot so”

“Heartbreaking for you” He snipes at me and I just bow my head.

“That’s not what I meant-“

“I can’t do this, I’ve had enough I need to go” He stands up and makes his way to the door.

“No Mark wait! can at least try and sort this” I follow him to the door.

“Nah not now, I just need some space,” He says and walks out the door leaving me there in the dark. It was three in the morning now and my body was tired, I couldn’t hold it in any longer so I let the tears fall down my cheeks. My lungs were heaving, trying to draw breath that just didn't seem to be coming, I couldn't get enough air in and the more I couldn't fill them up the worse it got. I was panicking, grasping at air and trying to keep myself upright.

“Elly?” I hear a soft voice coming from the front door and I turn to see Chloe standing there looking at me very concerned.


	12. The Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly's P.O.V

I remember the moment when I realised that she was special, the moment I realised that she was more than her jokes and her sarcasm, that she was more than the mistakes and crazy things she had done, she was more than the money she had borrowed off of her mum.   
I was just like everyone else, assuming she was nothing but immature and reckless which to a degree was right but there was more, there was something deeper than that and most people didn’t bother to take the time to find out what that was, but I could tell, there was something behind those eyes because when you looked into them, they weren’t as shallow as she made out, they had something beyond them, deep and dangerous, alluring and daring asking you to take a risk to be another version of yourself, to do something outside of your comfort zone but she was telling you that if you did take the risk, you’d be safe because she'd be there and I believed it.  
It wasn’t when she told us she had been diagnosed with Huntington’s, though that’s when most people started really paying attention, it wasn’t then, because even with that diagnosis, she never changed the way she lived, sure she was a little down and if anything she was a lived with a little more risk but no, when she told me what she was doing with the money from ‘cash for company’, she was spending time with these men, putting herself in an unsafe place just to gather money to pay her mum back. I realised that 'Chloe' wasn’t the only thing that Chloe thought about, she was doing anything she possibly could to get that money because she was ashamed of the position she had put her mum in and that’s it, that’s when I saw who she really was, just because she was reckless and lived on the edge, didn’t mean she didn’t care, she quite clearly did and she had done so much for me and confided in me which I knew was difficult. I realised then that her whole life Chloe had avoided getting attached to people because she didn’t trust them, she was the one who did the caring and that was the only way she felt safe, she needed to be the one in control so I can guess that there’s plenty of people who had thrown her to the side for their own benefit and that would scare anybody off.  
She said she was living on borrowed time, that she didn’t think anyone could love her because she had a limited life span but what she didn’t realise was that limit on her life meant that people should embrace more while they still could and I, well I love her now and I’m pretty sure I loved her way back when, before we even knew she had that time limit, it didn’t matter to me, it only made her life and her presence more precious to me and maybe to a lot of other people.   
That’s what I loved most about her, that even after everything that has happened, she hasn’t changed, she stayed being herself, living the way she always had maybe with a little more maturity but her immaturity was what made her who she was so I was hoping that it didn’t go too far because it’s what makes her who she is, not her diagnosis that was merely a blip, but her way of living, her sarcasm, her wit and her ability to be professional when she can, that’s who she is and if I could, I was going to do anything and everything to make sure that she knew that.

 

********

There she was, standing in my doorway looking beautiful as ever and I was over here having a mild panic attack. That’s embarrassing.

 

“Oh hey! what’re you doing here?” I say quickly wiping my face, I go to walk away but she runs in front of me dropping her bag on the floor and wrapped one arm around my back to steady me. She guides me gently over to the sofa and rakes her fingers through my hair until I relax a little. What she doesn’t realise is that’s the thing that calms me, her touch.

“I just saw Mark, he seemed pretty upset so I just wanted to check you were ok” I don’t answer her, still trying to catch my breath.

“Elly? What’s happened?”

“I told him,” I say and she looks at me wide-eyed. She shakes her head quickly and grabs the water I had left on the table and hands it to me so I take a swig at it and breathe in. She brushes her hand through my hair again and I lean into her touch. It’s funny how the simple act of her touching my head was enough to calm me down, I don’t think Mark ever had that effect on me.

After a silence that seems to last forever, I take her hand from my head and hold it on my lap.

“Take your time, just breathe you don’t need to explain anything yet” She says softly and I close my eyes and breathe deep, just for a moment, I hold it in, holding on to her presence, her air, letting it take over me, then I open my eyes and she’s looking right at me, not through me, at me and for the first time in weeks, I feel at peace.

“I’m ok,” I say and she frowns at me.

“No honestly, I’m ok now, I just lost it for a moment”

“That’s ok, you’re allowed to fall sometimes”

“Chloe…I…”

“I couldn’t do it anymore”

“Couldn’t do what?” 

“Be married to him, I couldn’t keep lying”

“You told him about that night?” She asks and I can feel her hands begin to shake with nerves.

“No…I didn’t get that far”

“I’m confused”

“He came in to apologise for leaving and for pressuring me about moving in, but then he started talking about having children”

“But you love kids”

“You’re right I do, but he wouldn’t stop going on about it and I guess I got a little agitated because I felt trapped, I didn’t want that, I don’t want kids with Mark, I don’t want a family” I was racing through my words.

“Elly we both know that’s not true, you’ve always wanted a family of your own”

“Yes but not his, not Mark’s and he didn’t like that, he wouldn’t let me speak and it just got too much for me, I couldn’t help it I just lost it and I had to, I had to tell him” 

“I’m not sure I understand” She says and I stop and look at her, I watch her eyes searching mine for an answer and honestly I’m not sure if they’re giving it all away or not but my eyes, they fall on her lips and I can’t help what comes over me, I don’t care anymore, I’ve told Mark, I’ve told myself and now she’s here. She watches me carefully but I’m watching her lips and I lean forward and capture them between my own, I feel her kiss me back and she puts a gentle hand on my cheek. It doesn’t last long but she doesn’t pull away, I do and I rest forehead against her and catch her eyes.

“Elly wh-“

“I love you” I whisper against her lips.

“You….uh….come again?” She says and pulls away from me and I’ll admit I’m a little hurt by it.

 

“I said I love you”

 

“Uh, you mean…uhm”

“Chloe, I’m in love with you,” I say seriously and take both her hands in my own and squeeze them tight, she never breaks eye contact with me and I see a small smile make its way onto her lips.

“How can…I mean…are you sure?” She stutters.

 

“Absolutely, and I know it took me some time, a long time actually and I understand if you need time to process that or if you need space or whatever and I know it seems sudden but I couldn’t hold it any longer, I couldn’t keep it to myself I was losing it and I needed you to know even if you don’t care or if I’ve left it to late but I-“

She stops me with a hard kiss and I gasp at the feeling of her lips on mine, I let her deepen the kiss and I feel her smile against my own and I can’t help but mimic her because it’s contagious, her smile, her eyes, her presence, her touch, it’s addictive and I can’t help but love every second that I sit here with her having finally told her. She pulls away and leaves a quick kiss on my lips and laughs a little, a laugh that I will never be able to forget. Suddenly the room doesn’t feel so dark anymore.

“Wait.. so you need to tell me what happened”

“I just did”

“What that’s it? you just blurted it out?”

“Well yes and no, he wouldn’t shut up so I eventually I shouted at him and told him I didn’t want a family with him because I was in love with someone else”

“Then?”

“Well he didn’t say anything for a while, we just kind of sat in silence and eventually he asked me who so I told him”

“What did he say?”

“Ah well he didn’t believe me at first which I can’t blame him for but he asked me how so I told him what had been going on”

“But not about that night?”

“No he stormed out before I could get there,” I say, I let go of her hands to take some water again, my mouth was so dry from talking. I watched Chloe, she just sat wide eyes, I could see she was trying to make sense of it all and I couldn’t blame her, this was definitely strange and sudden for everyone but I’m pretty sure Chloe had convinced herself that I could never love her back, I did tell her that so it would make sense that she thought that way but now I was telling her different after everything I had put her through, here I was declaring my love for her, that had to be confusing for her.

She looks at me with a small smile on her face and reaches over to take my hands ever so gently.

“Are you absolutely sure?” She asks nervously and I shuffle a little closer to her, my eyes never leaving hers.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life” I smile and she leans in to give me a small kiss, a feeling I don’t think I’ll ever get used to.

It takes me back to that first night I spent with her, she was so gentle, so tentative and aware of me, so aware of making sure I knew that I could pull away, nothing ever felt forced or rushed, she was calm, relaxed and made sure I was comfortable which I greatly appreciated because apart from anything else, I had never slept with a woman before and although I was sure of what I wanted, I was a little insecure about the main act itself, I didn’t know Chloe in that way and I didn’t know women in that way so it was going to be difficult for me to manoeuvre around that but I think she knew, she can always tell what it is I’m feeling but even if she didn’t she sure went out of her way to be extra sensitive so that I felt safe and secure and not once did I feel inadequate.   
Even now, she knew I loved her, knew I wanted her but she still made sure to ask if I was ok, if I was comfortable and let me know that the decision was all mine but I didn’t need her to be so gentle, I knew what I wanted, I knew she was the one I wanted and I wanted her, to kiss me, to love me, to touch me, to hold me, to be with me. I wanted her and I was sure.

“What changed?” She asks after a moment.

“Nothing changed, I just realised that this whole time, I had been running and I didn’t want to anymore”

“Well, then what made you realise that?”

“Lara actually,” I say and she cocks her head to the side in question.

“So the morning you met us in Harrold’s, she took me out to a park and made me tell her everything, but at that point I still couldn’t understand my feelings so she asked me how I felt around you, what way you made me feel and I told her, but the more I spoke the clearer things became and I realised I had been ignoring so many signs for so long”

“That must have been so confusing for you,” She says and rubs the back of my hand with her thumb. After all the tension I had put her through, she was still concerned about my feelings and how I felt.

“Hm….How was your night with Lara?” I ask suddenly and she laughs a little and the drastic change of subject.

 

“Uh, great actually I had a lot of fun”

“I’m glad, you two seem to get on really well,” I say and she furrows her brows at me, I guess my tone wasn’t as subtle as I was trying to be.

“Something wrong?”

“No, I just think it’s nice that you guys all of a sudden great friends” I look down at my lap.

“Elly…..are you…jealous?”

“No!” I gasp and she smirks at me.

“Ok fine! yes I am a little, and I know it’s not really my place to be, I mean you’ve every right to date who you want and I wouldn’t blame you I mean I’ve done nothing but stress you out but-“

“Elly!” 

“What?”

“Shut up” She giggles a little and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

“You have no idea how jealous I would get seeing you with Mark and I had no right then but we can’t help who we fall for” She smiles at me and I know she’s right.

“So then…I’m not crazy?”

“No, you’re not…well actually yes you are, crazy to think that anything was going on between Lara and I, we are waaaaay too alike and I love myself but not that much!” She quips and I laugh at her.

“Well ok then”

“Besides, she’s not really my type,” She says and I give her a questioning look, did she even have a type? 

“I prefer teachers” She winks.


	13. Imagine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe's P.O.V

Imagine the world as it is now.  
All the people, all the places, the food, the machinery, the technology and all the lessons that you have ever learned. All the mistakes you’ve made and the decisions you’ve made.  
Now imagine all those things with you in one room.  
Every person you’ve ever spoken to or smiled at or said hello to, even those who you may not get along with. Altogether, in one room.  
I would imagine that the room would have to be rather large because when you think about it, you couldn’t count on one hand the number of people that you encounter on a daily basis, even if it is just the cashier selling you a bottle of coke, you have still encountered their presence.  
The world is made up of seven billion people and growing, and living in this country, we encounter twenty-four million of that seven billion and you couldn’t possibly put twenty-four million people in one room, then again, you as one person have not encountered all twenty-four million Australian people in one room, I would imagine the heat from the number of bodies would be unbearable and I’m not sure we could have toilets for that amount of people. But that’s beside the point really.  
Now stop for a moment, imagine that time has stopped moving with you and find one person in that room of people that you have met.I’m going to bet that the face you have picked out is the person that means the most to you right? I bet that no matter where you go, that person will be with you always.   
Now think for a moment, all the love you have for that one person, the awe you have surrounding them, it all replaces the other people in the room, You could have the entire population of Australia in one room yet your heart finds its way to that one person, you’re connected to them and no matter who else you meet in life, every fibre of your human form is connected to that person because in your eyes the world is filled with only you and them. I bet you’ve noticed by now that the room to you appears empty, you hear no voices and see no other face but theirs because nothing and nobody in the entire world matters more than that one person.  
Here’s the thing, my whole life I have searched for something, I travelled all over the world looking for something that seemed to be missing, a puzzle piece in my soul and I could never find it, no matter what country or continent I was on, I never found it, until now.  
You see the day I met Elly and although it was somewhat of a dramatic meeting, something within me clicked, it turned and opened me up like key into a lock and since then I’ve been able to think of no one else, despite all those I went home with or even Mel, Elly was always the one in my mind, if it was me standing in that room that you’re in now, with twenty-four million people, I would only see Elly, I would only hear Elly and if nobody spoke or moved, if time stood still I would still be able to find my way to her because the thing is, when you find your soul mate, you can’t lose them.  
Now I don’t believe that your soul mate has to be someone you’re in love with it, it can be your best friend, or your grandparent, anyone that you wish it to be, but for me it just so happens that my soul mate was the love of my life and I think that’s why it was so easy for me to open up to her, to allow myself to trust her and be committed to her, because I know deep in my heart that no matter what happened, she wouldn’t go far because we were more than just friends, we were more than two people in love, we were something like a shooting star, they shoot through unexpectedly, so quick you barely see it coming but when you do see it, well that’s magic isn’t it?

 

********

We had been sitting on the couch for some time now, the sun was starting to rise behind the curtains and at some point, Elly had manoeuvred herself so that she was resting with her head on my chest and I had my arm around her shoulder, gently brushing through her hair with my hand. She had been so panicked when I had got there so I was glad for the moment that she was relaxed. This was stressful for me but for Elly it had to be even worse because not only did she have to figure out her feelings for someone, she also had to figure out what that meant for her, at least I knew who I was, I knew I was bisexual, Elly had assumed her whole life that she would only be attracted to or date men so that was obviously an extra shock to the system and I for one understood that.  
I wasn’t even sure what time it was anymore but to be frank, I didn’t care, we could sleep when it was over, nobody likes to be alone when things like this happen and I knew Elly, she wasn’t someone who liked to be left when she was upset, so I stayed and by now any drink I had consumed was gone out of my system so I was able to be more attentive.

I go to stand up, I figured tea would be the best option here, I know that’s what I go to when something bad has happened.

“Where are you going?” Her small voice comes out as I pull my arm from around her shoulders.

“I was just going to make you some tea,” I say and she shakes head and pulls me back into her.

“Stay,” She asks so I do just that. She sits up and pulls her hair back into a ponytail and rubs her face.

“I think we should talk”

“About what?” I felt suddenly nervous.

“Well us, I know how you feel and now you know I love you, but I just want to know if this is something you want or if I’ve left it too late?”

“Elly I wouldn’t have waited if I didn’t think I wanted this”

“So you do want this? you want me? us?”

“Yes of course I do but-“

“But? what but?” She jumps in clearly nervous and I laugh a little, I get the feeling she was a little anxious because it had taken her so long to get here that she was afraid it would fall right out of her hands.

“Buuut, I think maybe we should do this properly”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning we should take it slow, don’t jump in right away, go on some actual dates and see how it goes, besides we’re going to have to let this sink in with everyone else, especially Mark so I don’t want to rub it in his face” I say and she nods at me.

“Yeah you’re right”

“I know how shocking!” I roll my eyes and she laughs a real laugh and it was so good to finally hear that sweet sound again.

“Stop, you’re right a lot of the time” She waves her hand to dismiss my comment. She slowly stops laughing and just watches me, she had been doing that all night, just looking at me and honestly I couldn’t help but do the same because in all this time I had convinced myself that it couldn’t happen, that she couldn’t love me yet here I was after listening to her tell me that she did. It was surreal to me, I believed her, don’t get me wrong but it seemed almost like a dream that I don’t want to wake up from.

“I should go, gotta change out of these clothes and do my job!” I say and I stand up off the sofa. I didn’t want to leave but despite all of this, we both still had things to do.

“Yeah sorry of course” She stands up with me and walks me to the door.

“Will you be ok?” I ask

“Course yeah, you have work and I have to look for some, can’t stay here all day” 

“I should probably find Mark at some point today as well”

“Oh yeah, do you want me to go with you?” 

“Nah it’s best I do it alone, though I doubt I’ll do much of the talking,” I say and she lets out a big sigh.

“Well just call me if you need anything,” She says as I open the door, she stands and watches me, twiddling with her hands somewhat awkwardly but eventually she looks up at me.

“What?”

“Uhm…Do you think I could….well would you mind if I-“ she stutters a little but I know what she’s asking so I nod and she wastes no time in leaning in a leaving a lingering kiss on my lips. She pulls away and smiles sweetly at me making my heart skip a beat.

“Ok, I will see you later,” I say and walk down the drive.

 

*******

I think I would have gladly stayed in work all day to avoid going home and seeing Mark, what was I going to say to him? his wife had just left him for me and I had idea how he was going to react when he saw me though if I could guess I’m going to assume that his head would hit the roof. Though the only thing keeping me from doing a runner was the fact that even at the end of all of this, I would have Elly so no matter what, there was some good at the end of it and you never know, maybe Mark would get something out of it too, like David said, people may be heartbroken for a while but eventually they find their way back and find someone new, I hoped at that moment he was right.

“What the hell are you playing at?!” I turned around at the desk to see Aaron making his way towards me looking pretty angry. I saw a few quests turn their attention towards us so I immediately opened the door to the staff room and he followed me in.

“What is your problem? I’m at work!”

“Oh I’m sorry to ruin your day, but your brother is at home pulling his hair out because apparently, Elly has told him she’s in love with you!” 

“Would you lower your voice!” I groan at him.

“What the hell is going on Chloe?”

“Look, I know as much as you do, I was out last night and on my way home I saw Mark running out of Elly’s house so I went to check on her”

“Oh rather than check on your own brother”

“You think Mark would have spoken to me?” I asked pointedly and his face softens a little because he knows I’m right.

“All she told me was that she realised that she wanted to be with me and that was it ok”

“How can you do this to your own brother?” he says and it angers me.

“Do you actually think I wanted this? that I wanted to fall for Elly and break up their marriage?! no I didn’t but you can’t help who you fall for and I am not an exception to that”

“I suppose you right,” He says and I watch his face relax a little, he came in here all guns blazing but I know Aaron, he reacts sometimes before he thinks but he levels out pretty quickly.

“Look, I didn’t want any of this, I was set on the fact that they were married and I was dealing with that but if Elly has found that she no longer wants to be married to Mark then there’s nothing you or I can do about that, that’s her decision and her feelings”

“I guess but doesn’t it seem wrong to you that she would marry him and then a month later call it quits” He says and I take a moment to gather my thoughts, I knew once Aaron understood, he wouldn’t be so judgemental and I also knew that he could be quite fair-minded when he wanted to be.

“Do you remember what it was like figuring out who you were?”

“Yes but-“

“And do you remember all the crazy things you did to avoid it?”

“Yes but Chloe I didn’t MARRY someone”

“Maybe not but your journey is different to Elly’s,” I say and he stops, processing what I’ve told him.

“Look I am sorry for the way this happened and so is Elly, in fact, she’s in pieces herself but I am not sorry for loving her, I’m not sorry for giving her more than what Mark could”

“You should talk to Mark”

“And I will, but right now I have to work so could you please go,” I asked ushering him out of the room.

“Fine but I will call you later,” He says and I nod at him while shoving him out the door.

My head was a mess, yes I was happy but the next for days or even weeks were not going to be easy and I knew that so I did what I do best and threw myself into work. Just waiting the rest of the day out before I had to go home.

 

******

I had sent Elly a message to let her know I was going to speak to Mark and despite all of her pleading to come with me, I was walking into the house alone, this was between my brother and I and it was only fair that it remained that way. I walked into the house gingerly and placed my bag on the counter.

“Here to pack your stuff?” I jump at the sound of Mark’s voice and see him walk into the room.

“Jesus Mark!” I say but he ignores me, just walks around and starts cleaning up.

“Mark, we need to talk”

“No, you need to get out of my house”

“Please? being like this isn’t going to solve anything” I say and he stops and turns to me, I could see on his face that he’d been crying again and it broke my heart.

“Fine, then tell me this, what kind of sister goes after her brother’s wife?!” He shouts and I jump back.

“Mark I-“

“No you don’t get to say anything, you took my wife from me!”

“She’s not your property Mark and I didn’t steal her, she made the decision herself, I had nothing to do with it”

“You expect me to believe that? you’re the biggest flirt in this town Chloe!” That one hurt a little.

“Love isn’t something you can control Mark! you should know!”

“Meaning what exactly?” He asks and I take a moment to compose myself.

“You have never let go of Kate, she’s always there in the background and Elly knows it, not to mention the fact that you ran off like a child when things seemed a little tough on more than one occasion so you cannot stand there and judge me or Elly, you can’t help but still love Kate more than anyone even though she isn’t here and I can’ help that I fell in love with Elly”

“Kate has nothing to do with it”

“She has everything to do with it! you push Elly away time and time again because she isn’t like Kate and it shows, so it wasn’t hard for her to fall out of love with you because you had pushed her out way before that”

“You think that justifies you taking my wife?!”

“For the last time I did not TAKE her, she has her own mind, she made that choice herself but if that’s what you need to tell yourself so your ego hurts a little less then fine!” I shout back at him and the room falls silent for a moment, he’s puffing his chest in anger and it’s obvious but what can I do? tell him it’s all my fault and he’s been nothing but perfect? then I’d be lying, it’s so harsh but isn’t it better to tell the truth?

“Mark, I am so sorry that it ended up like this, I never ever wanted this and I never once made a move on Elly, I never pursued anything, all I did was tell her how I felt” I say and he stays silent, he doesn’t even look at me he just stands watching out of the window above the kitchen sink.

“Just get out Chloe”

“What?”

“I said get out!” He shouts looking at me over his shoulder so I pick up my bag and text Elly straight away.

I need a drink.


	14. She loves me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe's P.O.V

I was nervous, why was I so nervous? how many times had Elly and I gone out together, how many times had we hung out? I couldn’t stop shaking, my leg was bouncing up and down and I couldn’t sit still, you’d swear I had ants in my pants. This was awful, sitting waiting on her to arrive I really didn’t like it, my palms were sweaty and my mouth was dry. I hadn’t even been sitting here for very long actually, maybe fifteen minutes? but I was anxious and nervous from the moment I walked in.   
We’ve hung out more times than I can count but this time she isn’t meeting me as my friend, this is different, good different but it made me so aware of myself, I kept fixing my hair and my outfit, I checked my face in the bathroom three times already and I still wasn’t sure how I looked. I was self-conscious, I'm not so sure why, but even at the thought of seeing her, I was shaking, the thought of her, the idea of being near her, being around her, it was driving me crazy.  
All of this is so strange for me, sure I get awkward, but I’ve never really been nervous around someone or even at the idea of seeing them, though those people never really meant much to me, well certainly not as much as Elly does, the feeling was alien but I liked it in some ways. It was nice to be so taken by someone, to feel so strongly for them, in some ways, although it was tough at times, in some ways I loved being in love, for real this time.

There she is.

Making her way over to me with a smile plastered on her face as I’ve never seen before, in a red dress, she’s so striking, though she’d look beautiful in anything. She walks over to me and places a small kiss on my cheek before sitting down. An electric shock shoots through me and my heart starts to race. 

“Hey!” She says, so brightly, but my mouth is dry, I can’t speak and I’m just staring at her.

“Ah, Chloe?” She pulls a face. I shake my head and gather myself a little better.

“Soz, I got a little lost there, you look stunning” I laugh and she gives me a shy smile and hides her face.

“Well thank you so do you”

“I’m in my work clothes” There goes my confidence again.

“Makes no difference, you always look amazing” She smiles and it was my turn to be shy. I take a sip of the cocktail I ordered and she just stares at me.

“What?”

“Tell me what happened?”

“Ugh, do we have to?”

“Yes, you’re clearly upset, I wanna know what’s going on,” She says and takes the hand that rested on my lap. My heart pounds against my chest.

Is this what a heart attack feels like?

“Fine” I sigh and she nods in victory and moves forward a little on her chair so she’s closer to me. That perfume, I recognise it.

“Well, he kept saying that I stole you and I kept telling him that I never made a move on you but he uhh….”

“He what?” She asks and squeezes my hand a little.

“He said he didn’t believe that because he said I’m the biggest flirt in the town,” I say and she scrunches up her face.

“What does that mean?”

“I’m pretty sure he was calling me a slut”

“Chloe-“

“No it’s fine, he’s just upset”

“No it’s not fine, he’s clearly hurt your feelings”

“He hasn’t, it just rubbed me the wrong way I guess, just I knew he thought it when he found out about ‘cash for company’ but I’ve never actually heard him say it”

“Well like you said, he’s upset but that doesn’t make it ok,” she says rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb.

“What else did he say?”

“Nothing much, just asked me to leave after that and that’s when I texted you”

“And I’m glad you did”

“Well thank you for coming, I know this isn’t easier for you”

“It’s not easy for either of us but having you here makes it better and the only way we’re going to manage it, is together right?” She says sweetly.

“Yeah you’re right”

“Now I could really do with whatever it is you’re drinking” She winks and I roll my eyes at her. I get up and go to the bar to get her a drink, it was good to finally relax with her after everything that had gone on in the last week. As a matter of fact, we have done anything like this in a long time.

“Can I get two more sex on the beach please?” I turn my attention around to Elly while I wait and I watch her, she certainly doesn’t seem stressed, she looks tired but a lot more relaxed than when I last saw her and nothing brought me more comfort than to see her looking and feeling better, to finally see a smile on her face. She makes eye contact with me and gives a quick wink and my knees go weak, I'm not sure if I can stand any longer, can I even feel my legs? but I'm distracted by Bea walking in.

“Here you go!” I turn when I hear the barmaid address me and I take the cocktails back to Elly.

“Oh hey Chloe”

“Hi, sorry do you want a drink?” I ask Bea placing the glasses on the table, she had placed herself in the seat that I had left so I sat next to Elly and she put her hand on my thigh and gave me a small smile to let me know she was glad I was there. I had picked up on that little tell a few months ago, she would do it when she was stressed and I would sit down beside her, eventually, I figured out that it meant she wanted me there so I always knew when she was comfortable or not. 

The touch made my face feel hot, God, I really was losing it.

“Awh no I’ll get mine in a second don’t worry,” She waves her hand at me. There’s a short silence between us as Bea studies our behaviour, she’s figuring out what’s going on and I’m pretty sure it’s easy to read.

“So, I want details,” She says and Elly laughs a little. I pick up my drink to take a sip and nod at Elly to let her know it was ok to tell Bea.

“So, I spoke to Mark”

“And?”

“Well it didn’t go well as you can imagine, for either of us, he’s very upset” 

“OK and what about you guys?” She asks somewhat hopeful, not seeming to care much about the conversation with Mark.

“Well we’re just-“ We speak at the same time and I laugh a little and I catch Bea with a smirk on her face.

“We’re just going to take things slow, see how it goes,” Elly says and puts her hand back on my thigh and I think at this point I can hear it, I can hear my heart racing, I adjust my collar, trying to let the air into my skin because Jesus it was hot in here.

“Oh thank god!” Bea says throwing her head back.

“You two have been driving me mad with this and I tried to tell you both it was what was right but you were being too nice about it!”

“Well we weren’t going to be the only ones affected,” I say and Bea rolls her eyes.

“Mark’s a big boy he can handle it, besides, if you love someone what’s the problem?”

“It’s not that simple Bea,” Elly says pointedly.

“Yes it is, you should live your life for you and how you want and do the things you love”

“She does have a point,” I say 

“Yeah, you would think so wreck it Ralph” She teases me and I shove her in the side and laugh.

“Hey I always clean up my mess”

“LIES!” Elly and Bea both shout at me and burst out laughing.

“Whatever, I still think Bea is right”

“I knew she was the right choice” Bea winks at me and I see Elly roll her eyes.

That’s my thing!

“Oh whatever, I’m going to the bathroom, do you want me to grab you a drink?” She asks Bea. 

“Please” As Beas answer, Elly gets up and walks away from us, I watch her walk away, her dress swaying draws my attention to her legs, to her figure, to the way she walks and my head spins.  
Bea looks over her shoulder to see is Elly is gone when she reaches the bathroom she shuffles over a little closer to me and stares at me.

“What?” I ask a little muffled with my mouth glued to my straw.

“Look I know what I just said and I meant it..”

“Ok?”

“But Elly has been through a lot and this isn’t going to be nice either,” She says lowly.

“I know”

“So all I ask is that you look after her and if you hurt her I will probably have to hit you” 

“Bea, all I want is exactly what you want, for Elly to be happy so I would never hurt her, I love her,” I say honestly. I will admit Bea is making me slightly more nervous.

“I believe you,” She says just as Elly makes her way back over to the table and we fall into easy conversation.

 

**********

 

“Chloe those are not the words!”

“They so are, your ears are broken!”

“Can you even break your ears?” Elly asks me a little seriously and we can’t help but burst out laughing. We were a little tipsy or a lot tipsy.

Bea didn’t stay with us for very long, she finished her drink and left right after but Elly and I decided to stay, I wasn’t in the mood to go back to the house and she wanted to let her hair down for the night so we stayed and drank and laughed and just talked, really talked, for the first time in a long time, no stress, no talk of Mark, no if’s or buts, nothing serious, it was just us spending time like we used to and I have to say I missed it even more than I realised. Elly was really the only person that I could spend time with and not worry about the things I was saying or doing, I was always very aware of myself around other people but with Elly I don't have to and not having that the last few months have been a lot more difficult than I care to admit and for a while I worried if we would ever manage to get back to that place were we could be ourselves with each other or if I would ever find someone like Elly who allowed me the room to be myself because in all this time I’d never found anyone so does more than one person like that exist for me? I didn’t know but I wasn’t sure I wanted it to be someone else, I always wanted it to be Elly and here we were, back in that place and I was happy.

We stop at the door and I fumble around in my bag to find my keys, not because I was drunk, because I wasn't, I was losing my ability to function being around her, thought the drink didn't help either. We had decided to come home for one more glass because why the hell not, we were having fun and it was about time so why stop. I eventually found them and pushed the door open and stumble inside with Elly following me.

“Ok, you know where the wine is,” I say and she nods and I throw my bag on a chair at the island, my eyes fall on a piece of paper sitting on the countertop and I open it.

 

“Gone to stay with mum”  
It was Mark’s handwriting, he had obviously decided to up and leave like he always does though this time I couldn’t blame him.

“Elly-“

“I see you found Mark’s note” I turn to see Aaron in the doorway leading out to the kitchen.

“Yeah what’s going on?”

“Well I came home earlier and he was packing a bag, he was furious, I asked him to stay, to try and work it out but he couldn’t, or didn’t want to so he left”

“When is he coming back?” Elly asks and Aaron looks at her with some disdain.

“Oh, so you care now?”

“Aaron!”

“What?”

“Stop it, that’s not fair”

“No Chloe it’s fine I get it,” Elly says but I can tell that stung her a little.

“Look Aaron I get it ok, you’re mad at me but there was nothing I could do, I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this and I definitely didn’t mean to hurt Mark but I can’t take that back and honestly I don’t want to” She says and I admire her honesty. Aaron stares at her and says nothing for a minute, they’re just staring at each other.

“Whatever, I’m going back to bed, don’t make a mess,” He says and turns his back and walks away. I watch Elly, she lets out a sign and buries her head in her hands, I stepped towards her and run my hands down her arms, she eventually drops her hands and they land in mine.

“He hates me”

“No he’s just ticked off but give him time,” I say and she nods at me. We stand there for a moment, her eyes locked with mine, just looking and I could swear that if I looked any deeper, I would get lost and never find my way back but honestly, I’m not sure I want to. Her perfume, I can smell it, I recognise it, it reminds me of something, then she leans in slowly and kisses me and suddenly I remember that scent, it was the feel of her skin on mine, her touch, her kiss, her body, she wore it that night, the night all of this started, the night she kissed me, the night we slept together and all of a sudden I lose control, I put my hands on either side of her face and deepen the kiss, she wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me in tighter and I know she’s as invested as I am. She starts moving, pushing me back towards the couch, leaving the wine discarded on the counter and I let her push me back and she pushes me to sit down, straddling me, but she never breaks the kiss. There’s something about this kiss, don’t get me wrong, all of her kisses are fantastic but this is different, this one is real, it’s not a secret, it’s not a bad idea, it’s not an affair, she’s kissing me because she wants to because she loves me.   
She keeps kissing me, neither of us drawing for breath. I feel her tongue run along my bottom lip so I part my lips a little further and let her deepen it further, sending shivers down my spine, her hands are tangled in my hair, mine rested on her hips and I’m content in this moment, to sit here, with her sitting on my lap, kissing me and not stopping, I was in a bliss that I couldn’t quite describe, this was the first time she and I had done this without any issue, without any worry about someone finding out about it, no worries or cares and it only adds to the goosebumps that are littering my body right now, having this moment with her for the first time since we spent that night together and my heart, well that isn’t sure how to beat anymore, I’m sure it’s stopped.

She pulls away from me slowly and rests her forehead against mine, her eyes opening gently and finding my own.

“As much as I love doing that, and I do-“

“We should stop” I finish her sentence and a smile finds a way to her lips.

“Yeah, just we said we’d take things slow,” She says sitting upright and fixing my hair. I lock my hands around her back and relax at her touch.

“It’s ok, I agree with you” 

“I should go,” She says and goes to stand but I keep my hands locked and she giggles.

“Chlo”

“Just because we’re taking it slow does not mean you can’t stay,” I say cheekily and she rolls her eyes at me again.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely”


	15. I know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe's P.O.V

Silence.  
All I heard was silence, it wasn’t deafening or loud, it was quiet, peaceful and I was enjoying it. You see in the last few months everything has been completely overwhelming, too much for any person to take on but I don’t just mean the physical situations, the real-life ones, I’m talking about my mind. With so much happening around me my head was full of noise, full of thoughts and feelings, full of questions and not one answer for them. I spend most of my time with my head buried in my work just to drown out the noise because I’m very good at handling myself when things go wrong and I will always try to find a solution but the one thing I could never get control of was my mind, I always let it take over because I was never sure how to stop it and sometimes it would just get too much for me and so I’d just go out and party because there’s nothing like a noisy nightclub to drown out your mind right? but I guess that’s the wrong way to go about things isn’t it? to try and erase something rather than take it out and deal with it but how do you deal with thoughts that are so tangled like your earphones when you leave them in your pocket, it’s a mystery to me and most of the time I don’t bother untangling my earphones, I just unravel them enough that they reach my ears, quite like my thoughts, I only ever deal with them enough to get me through the day or the week but I never go any further.  
My point in all this is that few a while now, my world has been the noisiest it’s ever been and there has been very little that has been able to stop it, I’ve been so overwhelmed that I haven’t really been paying attention I’ve just been letting life sort of pull me around with no real prospect. But here’s the thing, somehow, in the space of eight hours, the noise, well it’s gone and I think I know why.   
I’m lying in my bed and I can hear nothing only the sound of birds chirping, no questions, no thoughts, no noise, just peace. There’s someone here, their arm wrapped around my waist, body pressed against my own and I’m in heaven I think. The smell of that perfume in embedded in my skin and I’m allowing it to intoxicate me because it was the sweetest reminder of who it was that was next to me in bed, the person that was taking away all that noise. All of a sudden having her in my bed put all the pieces together for me and I had slept like a normal person for the first time in a long time and even if it’s just for a moment, everything was quiet.  
Do you know that feeling of waking up next to someone you love? The feeling of bliss, safety and comfort, the feeling of someone’s arm wrapped around you, their body pressed against yours and you feel like your home. I have never really experienced that, sure I’ve woken up beside many a one night stand and let’s face it the last person I woke up next to had the moral compass of a hungry snake so it’s safe to say that I certainly did not feel like I was home. This though, I would be so inclined to tell you that this moment was probably perfect.

I turn over ever so gently because I’m sure she’s still asleep, I turn to face her and I watch her sleep, I’ve never seen anyone look so beautiful while they slept, she looked so peaceful and I didn’t want to wake her so I just lay there and stayed with her in the quite. I let my eyes map out her face, moving over every curve, every bump, every line that there was. Her lips, I knew those lips, six months ago I had only a blimp of a kiss to go on but now, now I know them well, I knew how they felt, how they tasted and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to the feeling. Her skin was flawless, tanned and soft, as though someone handcrafted her until she was perfect. Her chest rose and fell with each breath she took, it was slow and controlled, relaxed and I couldn’t help but match her rhythm because that’s what she did to me, she drew in so much that I would follow her anywhere and everywhere, my breath matching her breath the way my soul matched her soul. 

“Is there something on my face?” I hear a mumble from her lips and she takes a deep breath in before letting her eyes flit open.

“Other than beauty? nope, nothing” I say and she smirks and me.

“Such a charmer”

“Thank you” I wink and she shakes her head a little, uses her hand to roll me on to my back and positions herself so that her head is on my chest and her leg wraps around mine.

“I don’t think I’ve ever slept so well,” she says immediately followed by a yawn.

“me neither”

“Must be the company?” She says moving her head to look up at me. I lean down and kiss the top of her head. We lay there in silence for a while, not saying anything, just being with each other but my mind starts to drift a little.

“Elly”

“Hm?”

“Are you still sure? I mean do you still want to do this?” I ask and She sits up and turns to face me.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know I just want to make sure you’re still sure, I mean it’s a big decision you know?”

“you’re right it is a big decision, which is why it took me so long to finally make it”

“Sooo?”

“So of course I’m sure, I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t and I know it might be a bit confusing for you considering I changed my mind a lot but just trust me when I tell you that I want this,” She says brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. She seemed to like doing that.

“Can you trust me?” She asks.

“Absolutely” I answer, she smiles a little and leans forward and kisses me softly.

“Right move, you have to work today,” She says and shoves me.

“Jeez ok, I’m moving!”

 

*********

 

There’s nothing I hate more than a slow day in work, it’s like pulling my teeth out of my head, extremely painful and it feels like it’s never going to end. I feel like I’ve been here for three days and it’s not even lunchtime yet, all I wanted was to get home, I was impatient, it might have something to do with seeing a blue-eyed woman and I couldn’t take the waiting, it was killing me.

“Chloe?” I’m brought back into the room by a hand waving in my face.

“Oh sorry!” I say and Terese looks at me confused.

“Can you pass me that folder” She points to the black folder in front of me and I hand it to her quickly.

“Sorry my head was somewhere else there”

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah everything is fine sorry it’s just a slow day”

“Tell me about it but be glad because next week is going to be busy!” She says and walks away from me, I slump down in the chair behind me and whip out my phone, there was absolutely nothing happening around me so I sat and scrolled through my phone for a while, pretty soon I found myself in a deep hole of Trump news and conspiracy theories, so deep I’m pretty sure I could apply to be an agent for the CIA. This is what happens when I’m left to my own devices and severally bored.

“Rushed off your feet I see” I flip my head up at the sound of a voice I knew all too well.

“Elly, Hi! sorry I was down a wormhole” I say putting my phone away and standing up, I found myself becoming a little nervous and I adjusted my clothes and hair.

“Anything interesting?” Elly asks.

“Not really…uhm what can I do for you?”

“Ooh so formal” She winks at me and I feel a blush come over me, thank god for foundation.

“Sorry I’m in work mode” I bow my head shyly.

“That’s ok I quite like seeing you in work mode,” She says with a smirk and I shift nervously in my spot.

“Anyway, I came to see if you could take lunch?” She asks abruptly and I check my watch seeing that it was maybe ten minutes too early but that wasn’t going to stop me, I clearly wasn’t needed right now.

“I reckon so, why what did you have in mind?” I ask her and she stands up straight and looks suddenly nervous.

“Well, I was wondering…..I mean…Uhm I was thinking…or hoping-“ She stops and puffs her cheeks and blows out a deep breath.

“Oh my god,” She says and I laugh a little at her flustered state.

“What? just say it?” I say, she looks at me and takes a deep breath.

“Well, I was wondering if you’d maybe want to go for lunch with me?…like uhm..on a d-date?” She stutters and my heart melts in my chest. She’s so nervous and sweet and it makes my heart swoon. She looks at me waiting for an answer like she’s about to explode.

“I’d love to” I answer her softly and she lets out a sigh of relief.

“Oh thank god, that was awful”

“Wow am I that bad?”

“No! no of course not, I’ve just never really done that before…well, I have but…y’know”

“I get it, it’s fine”

“You do?”

“Duh, do you not remember the weeks after I told you how I felt, I was a nervous mess,” I say dramatically and she laughs.

“You were not”

“I was so…anyway, are we gonna eat or stand here all day?”

“Yeah let’s go,” She says and I pick up my bag and sling it over my shoulder. I make my way around the front desk and she extends her arms for me to link.

********

 

“How did you find this place?” I ask.

Elly had taken us to a small Mexican restaurant just outside the town, it was hidden down a small alleyway but it was beautiful and authentic on the inside. I’m a sucker for different cultures so this was really working for me, the smell of spices and the low sound of Mexican music playing in the background reminded me of a quick trip I had taken to Mexico on my way to Cuba. I didn’t spend much time there, only overnight but the feel of the place itself was so vibrant and the food was out of this world and I always wanted to go back but obviously since I came home I didn’t get the chance.

“I don’t know really I just looked it up, I know you love Mexican food so I figured it was a good choice”

“An excellent choice” I wink and I watch her cheeks go red. We fall silent and the air between us if full of feeling, full of things wanting to be said but it was comfortable, I was nervous for sure but that didn’t stop me soaking up the moment because it was all so new, I never would have thought that I would end up on a date with Elly Conway and yet here I am. 

“So I was thinking, since you have to be back in work and there’s far too much on this menu that maybe we could just order a bunch of tapas, that way it’s quicker coming out and we get to try a few things” Elly says eventually, her head buried in a menu.

“Another excellent choice Ms Conway,” I say and I hear her laugh a little behind her menu.

“God I haven’t heard that in a while,” She says and looks a little sad.

“Elly you will find another job, you can’t lose faith,” I say and take her hand across the table, her eyes fall onto our hands and she gives a small smile.

“We’ll see…anyway, forget that, we are not here to talk about my sad excuse of a career”

“What is it for then?”

“Well, it is a first date, though I can’t really remember what happens on those”

“I don’t see why things have to change, you and I are already past that awkward part of a friendship so why go back”

“This is different”

“No, it just means more, so why don’t we just let go of all those ‘first date’ pressures and just eat for fine ass food and hang out like we always do”

“Yeah you’re right, sorry I’m just super nervous,” She says and pulls her hand away and rubs it on her lap. It was weird, the tables had turned between us, generally it was me who was nervous wreck around Elly, acting like a dork and over talking but today I felt relaxed and she was nervous, I suppose after all the drama and all the hurt over the last few months I was just glad to be here in the first place, it had taken so long to get here that now all I wanted was to embrace the moment.

“You have no reason to be, so just chill man!”

“Chloe” she laughs at me.

“That was funny admit it” I quip and she shakes her head and laughs.

“Absolutely not-“ She says and is cut off by the waitress coming to take our order. Elly proceeds to order a ridiculous amount of tapas and I don’t think I’ve ever been more in love than that moment.

 

**********

“I don’t think I could possibly fit any more food into my body if I tried,” I say pulling my skirt away from my stomach.   
We had spent the last forty minutes in the beautiful restaurant eating and talking, she told me about some of her crazy antics from college, how she met Lara and some about her mum but she never said much about her, I gave her some of my ridiculous travel stories and my days as a complete wild child, though she reckons they haven’t gone anywhere. I don’t think either of us had been this relaxed in a long time, we were away from the people at home, in some ways it felt like we were in our own little world and I like it, our own bubble which in my head was super pink. The red tinted lights were landing on Elly in just the right way and I was mesmerised, she looked so beautiful in any light really but this was something else, I found myself losing the ability to keep my eyes off of her because she was addictive and I was definitely hooked. We sat in a peaceful silence just taking in the air, Elly’s nerves had long subsided and she was slumped in her chair breathing through all the food she had eaten.

“You and me both” She breathes out and looks at the ceiling. She sits up suddenly and looks directly at me, her eyes swallowing me up like a high wave.

“Thank you, for agreeing to come with me today,” She says with a soft smile.

“Thank you for asking” I answer and I get lost in her eyes for just a second.

“We should get you back to work,” She says snapping me back to reality and I feel a wave of disappointment hit me.

“Yeah you’re right..let me just get the bill-“ I go to stand up but she jumps up and stops me.

“No! sit down, I asked you here, I’m buying”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely” She nods so I do as she asks and I sit back down and wait for her to come back.   
It doesn’t take long before we’re back in the car and headed to Lassiter's, honestly, I would have gladly called in sick for the rest of the day and spent my time with Elly but that would defeat the purpose of taking things slow wouldn’t it? We drove in a comfortable silence, too full of food to talk and I was too busy watching her to really want to start a conversation, I loved watching her move, seeing her eyes so focused on the road ahead, the way the muscles in her arms twitched when she turned the wheel or switched gears, there was something alluring about the control she had, her demeanour as she drove us home was attractive and I would rather admire her right now, we had spent a lot of our time talking today so now I wanted to soak up as much of her as possible before I had to throw myself back into reality.  
We finally reach the hotel and I let out a sigh of disappointment, I didn’t want to go but real life was calling, I turn to look at Elly and her face looks exactly how I feel so I know I’m not alone and I’m quickly made aware that taking it slow was going to be a bit more difficult than I originally thought, even though I knew it’s what was best.

“Thank you again for coming,” She says and I hear her voice crack a little, those nerves from earlier showing up again.

“I had a great time, that place was amazing”

“Hey what about the company?”

“The company was even better” I smirk and she laughs a little but her face falls quickly and I can tell her nerves are settling back into place but I’m not quite sure why.

“I better go before I get fired,” I say and I go to open the door but she puts her hand on my arm to stop me so I look back at her and her eyes are glistening.

“Chloe,” She says and I wait for her to continue but she doesn’t speak a word, she just pulls me to her by my collar and kisses me softly and I can’t help but smile into it. She let’s go of me eventually and looks straight at me.

“I know we’re taking things slowly but…I just want to say…uhm”

“It’s ok…I know” I say because I can tell she’s too nervous and I do know what she’s trying to say so I figure that stopping her was the best option. We wanted to take things slow and I hated seeing her so nervous.

I kissed her gently on the cheek and she gives me a shy smile as I leave the car and step back out of that pink bubble.


	16. Dark Side pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly's P.O.V
> 
> Slight change in Elly's backstory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys,   
>  Big apologies for the unplanned hiatus.  
> This chapter is a little personal for me and important to me so let me know what you think!

Dark,  
That’s all I could see, nothing but darkness,  
But I could hear voices, I could see no one but I could hear voices and I was moving,  
Lying down, but I was moving like I was being wheeled around on a bed,  
My heart was pounding  
My body was numb, I couldn’t move any part of me  
My breathing became fast and heavy,  
I was sacred  
Where was I?  
Who was around me?  
I was starting to panic because I had no idea what was going on. I was outside I could tell that much, it smelled like damp wood, trees, like a forest and I could feel a breeze on my face, voices shouting around me in panic but I couldn’t really hear what they were saying, that’s when I heard it, that familiar voice that send cold shivers down my spine in a flash and all of a sudden I was frightened, I knew that voice.

Finn.

Suddenly I started trashing, trying my best to get away from where I was but my body wouldn’t move, I couldn’t leave, I was trying my best, throwing my body around but nothing was working and I could hear his voice getting closer and closer, I was trying to scream but nothing was coming out.

I felt a sharp sting whip across my face and I jump up right.

“Shit!”

“Elly! Elly, it’s me!” I see fingers clicking in front of my face and I look up and see Chloe kneeling in front of me.

“Wh-“ I search around the room, those curtains, this bed, I know where I am, I’m in Chloe’s room, I look back at her and she’s looking back at me with wide eyes.

“Chloe?”

“Yeah, Are you ok?” She asks and I nod slowly.

“I think so, what’s going on?” I ask rubbing my face.

“You were having a nightmare, a bad one actually, you were kicking and screaming,” She says worried, brushing her hand through my hair.

"Did you slap me?" I ask, noticing the pain in my cheek.

"I had to, you wouldn't wake up," She says and I can practically hear the panic in her voice.

“Shit” I breathe and look around the room again trying to process what had just happened, how can something seem so real? It takes me a moment to bring my mind into the room and understand that I was, in fact, ok and it came to my attention that Chloe was still sitting on me, knees either side of my legs. I look up at her and she still had a look of concern on her face.

“I’m fine,” I say but she just cocks her head, she doesn’t believe me.

“Honestly I’m ok now”

“Elly that was really bad”

“I know but-“

“But nothing, how long have they been like this?” She cuts me off and keeps playing with my hair.

“Uhm, maybe a month?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well we weren’t on the best terms and then this happened so I just wanted to focus not that,” I say gesturing between us.

“You still could have told me”

“I’m sorry”

“No I don’t want you to be sorry, I just want you to know you can come to me no matter what” She says and lifts my head up by my chin and I smile at her a little, it’s so comforting to know that someone has my back, god knows that sometimes these nightmares can rule my life at times when they get bad so at least I have someone to help me through that, I rarely told Mark about them, I’m not quite sure why, but I just never felt comfortable discussing them with him.

“I do know, thank you,” I say and she nods at me.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asks and I shake my head. Who would want to discuss a nightmare when there’s a beautiful woman sitting in their lap?

“Can you at least tell me what it was about?” She asks and I think about it for a moment, I turn my attention to her, her blue eyes pulling me in, telling me it’s ok.

“Finn,” I say and she just looks at me.

“Well, he can’t hurt you, he’s still in a coma,” She says and cups my face with her hands and kisses my forehead, a small gesture that sends my stomach into a spiral.

“Now C'mon, let’s go eat” She goes to move but I grab her waist.

“Wait, I want to appreciate this moment for a second,” I say and she laughs a little and moves back to sit back down on my lap.

“You’re beautiful in the morning, do you know that?” She says and I feel my face instantly heat up.

“Thank you,” I say and she says nothing, just bend her head down and kisses me lightly.

“OK! please food” She goes to move again but I grab her back again and she groans at me.

“Chloe, can you just ignore your stomach for like five minutes,” I say leaning in and kissing her collar bone, I hear a small groan leave her lips and I know I’ve won.

“Ugh fine!” She says pushing me back and kissing me.

 

*******

 

I couldn’t shake it, I wasn’t so sure why, I had been dealing with nightmares my whole life, whenever I was stressed or upset or something had happened, my mind would torture me at night and I wouldn’t be able to sleep properly but I haven’t had any in about a year and I was starting to enjoy being able to sleep like a normal person, that was until the siege happened and all of a sudden I’m back to square one.  
In all the time I’ve dealt with these nightmares, I have tried everything, I slept with all the lights on, with the TV on, slept with headphones in and at a desperate time I tried not sleeping at all but none of these tactics were in any way helpful, if anything, they just made it worse really, eventually I gave up trying and slept through them which meant that for a day or two after, I was stuck with the horror in my head but this was different, this one was so vivid that I was afraid that what I saw was, in fact, real, like it was warning me about something or trying to send me a message, but that’s ridiculous is not it? to think that my dreams are telling me something, I mean it’s a nightmare, it’s my mind playing tricks on me but that didn’t stop me from spending the day watching my back. I’ve heard so many people say that sometimes your dreams are warnings or signs for you to take note of and for the most part I ignored that because if I bought that line then I would be too afraid to step outside my door almost ever and I didn’t want to live that way.  
When I was a lot younger I had nightmares just like every other child, about scary monsters and scary people but when you’re a child those things are somewhat normal so you don’t think too much of them and eventually they stop happening but the thing is, for me, they never stopped, any time I was sad or upset or annoyed or under any stress, I would have nightmares and not just your run of the mill nightmares, they were horror movies, spine-tingling and I always managed to wake up pumping with sweat like I’d run a marathon and they only stop when eventually the stress subsided, sure I thought about therapy but only when I got much older because, through my teenage years and my college life, I saw therapy as a joke, something to be embarrassed by only now it seems ridiculous doesn’t it? to be embarrassed about helping yourself overcome something?  
Anyway, a year or so ago, they seemed to have disappeared out of thin air, I wasn’t sure if it was because my life was starting to balance out or what but it wasn’t something I questioned too hard because I was just glad that they weren’t there and as far as I was concerned I would never be rid of them, so I let it happen without question and slept peacefully for the most part, but then there was the siege and I guess that reminded me of Finn and all the problems and trouble and danger he put me through and everyone else, at least that would be a good explanation for last nights dream otherwise I have nothing. They’ve been on and off since the siege, talking to Chloe and Bea about them has been quite helpful and sometimes Mark, who still hasn’t come back yet but for the most part they were tame, nothing too serious but last night, well that was something I had never experienced before and quite frankly I hope I don’t again because it was making me feel all sorts of awful right now.  
It was, however, extremely helpful to have Chloe there, though she did slap my face, I guess I can forgive that though because I do know how difficult it is to wake me up if my nightmare is particularly bad and I guess this was one of those. I played it down to her as best I could because I didn’t want her to think I was a complete nutcase, I mean anyone else she has dated has been peculiar and Mel, well, she was as crazy as it gets so I didn’t want to make her think I was anything like those other people. Mind you I never cared much what people thought of me but Chloe, I cared what she thought, which was super new to me along with being with a woman in the first place, that was minor compared to all the new feelings I had that I had never quite experienced. So like I said, I played it down, let her think I was over it in seconds flat but I knew somehow she didn’t quite buy it but I really wasn’t ready to talk about it at that moment either because I hadn’t quite processed it myself.

So here I was sitting in my house processing when I’m gently interrupted by Susan walking through to the kitchen.

“Afternoon,” She says and I smile at her, my mind still not fully processing that’s in the room.

“Oh hey!” I answer her swiftly as she makes her way to the fridge.

“How’s your day been?” She asks and I say nothing because how do I answer that right? she walks over beside me when I don’t answer and looks at me.

“Elly?” She asks and I look at her.

“Sorry I’m fine, How are you?”

“You look, tired sweetheart, have you been sleeping?” She asks I shake my head and she sits down at the table beside me.

“Nightmares?”

“Yeah?”

“Has something happened?”

“Mark and I…we’ve split up,” I say and I hear a gasp leave her mouth.

“What? but you only just got married”

“I know, I guess we weren’t quite right for each other really”

“What do you mean?”

“Ah I don’t know, do you mind if we don’t go through all of the details now?” I ask because I don’t want to tell her just yet and not for fear of being judged or out of embarrassment but Chloe and I, we weren’t serious yet, everything was new and raw and I didn’t want to go shouting about dating my husband's sister until I was sure it was real.

“Of course but if you’re not sleeping then you need to talk, you know what happens to you when you hold on to stuff” 

“I know and I’m not, Chloe has been a great help”

“Well that explains why you’ve been with her so much, but what about Mark, do you think it can be solved I mean you two have had some trouble in the past but you always found a way around it”

“No, not this time,” I say and she gives me a sad smile but doesn’t push it any further, for as long as I have known her, Susan has been like another Mum to me because lets face it, my actual mother is a…well she’s not the best but Susan has always known how to handle me, how to talk to me, how to help me and she knew that no matter what, I knew my own mind and never pushed me in any way, I mean she was the reason I started teaching and fell in love with it.

“Are you ok? or is that a stupid question?” She asks and I laugh a little.

“I’m ok, I mean, like I said, Chloe has been great and Bea and also Lara,” I say and she perks up.

“Oh, I love that girl how is she?”

“Great yeah, actually I meant to call her the other day but I guess time got away from me”

“Well, she’ll understand,” she says and stands up from the table.

“Anyway, I just came to pick up a few things, I have a meeting with the board of education today,” She says and I quickly jump off my chair and follow her.

“What? are you getting your job back?”

“Who knows? but I better run, will you be ok?” She asks and takes my hand.

“Yes, I will, and thank you,” I say, she kisses my forehead and goes to leave.

“Goodluck!” I shout after her as she shuts the door behind her. 

I felt a little guilty, for not telling her the whole story, but I couldn’t just yet and I think she knew that and I also knew that when I was ready to tell her then she would listen, though I don’t think she’d be too pleased with the cheating element of everything and to be frank neither was I, cheating was never something I was ok with but I guess you don’t really know yourself until you’re put into that position do you? besides, I think everyone is allowed one major mistake in life at least.

I wanted to ask Susan, about my nightmare, about seeing Finn and hearing him but I also know that he had just as bad an effect on her as he did on me so I didn’t want to drag any bad feelings up for her so I kept my mouth for the time being. 

I picked up my phone and texted Lara because God did I owe her an explanation.

 

*********

“You had better have a good reason for ghosting me for days!” I hear Lara behind me and I stand up and turn to give her a hug that she returns.

“I’m so sorry, sit down and I’ll explain it” She sits in front of me and looks down at the coffee I had ordered for her.

“Is coffee safe or do I need something stronger?” She asks and I laugh at her.

“No coffee is fine!”

“Right, did you finally grow a pair and tell Chloe you love her?” She asks bluntly and I praise God for her abruptness because I was so unsure of how to word all of this mess.

“Yes I did actually”

“Thank god! though I am a little disappointed I thought she and I had a lil som’ som’” She says and I glare at her but she only laughs.

“Relax I’m joking, please go on,” She says sipping on her coffee.

“Well, I spoke to Mark first, I hadn’t really planned to, we sort of got in a fight and I just blurted it out”

“Do you two ever not argue?” She asks and I’m taken aback because I actually don’t have an answer, it seemed to me that all Mark and I did in the last while was argue.

“I guess not”

“So you just straight out told him you were in love with his sister”

“Well no, I told him I was in love with someone else and he kept asking who so I had to tell him”

“Ok and what about Chloe, what’s happening there”

“We’re just taking things slow”

“Have you guys been on a date yet?”

“Yes we have”

“Ok well now I need details, cocktails and details, that what I want”

 

**********

I had spent about two hours now talking to Lara about the madness that had happened since I had last seen her and she was quite amused by the whole thing, to say the least but I was glad I was able to talk about it in such a light-hearted way, god knows that if it was a with anyone else it would be intense so I was grateful for her humour.

“Can I ask you one thing?” She says after a brief silence.

“Always”

“How have your nightmares been?” She asks and I for a moment forget that Lara was the one that was there through the worst of it all. I look down at my hand to the small scars that are on my knuckles.

She and I shared a room at university during a time when I drank a little too much, partied a little too hard and had excessive nightmares, nothing major in the grand scheme of things but on one particular night, I had been out doing god knows what, to be honest most of that night is it in a black hole somewhere but I do remember having an awful dream that caused me to start punching in my sleep, punching the wall beside my bed until I busted my knuckles, Lara was the one who woke me, if I’m correct she threw a bucket of water over my head which did the trick though it did mean I had to spend the rest of the night in her bed.  
Needless to say, that was the point when Lara realised how bad things were and put her for down. She stopped me going out and drinking, made me take up meditation and dragged me through some of the most horrific feelings and thoughts I have maybe ever had and it did help, for a long time it kept the dreams at bay or even tamed them at least but I don’t think either of us at the time really understood what had happened really and I never actually told her what the dream consisted of.

“They’re ok”

“Elly”

“Ok they’re bad, well no..they’ve been ok until last night”

“What happened”

“Well I’ll put it to you this way, Chloe had to slap me to wake me up”

“Did you tell her what happened? does she know how bad they can get?”

“No she doesn’t and I’d like to keep it that way”

“Ok Elly, there is nothing wrong with your nightmares and I know for a fact Chloe isn’t going to judge you for that, you need to tell her everything so that she understands and she can help you with all your weird guided meditation”

“Hey, you enjoyed those” I quip.

“Sure, but seriously, you need to talk to her, I don’t need you opening those knuckled again,” She says pointing to my knuckles.

I know she’s right but it just seems too real.


	17. Do you believe it?

“Bea, have you seen my purse?” I shout from my room and she appears in the doorway.

“Surely it’s somewhere under all this mess”

“Eh, I made this mess trying to find it!” I say and push past her and make my way to the kitchen frantically pulling and moving everything in sight.

“What is the rush?” she says following closely behind me.

“Ugh I’m supposed to be meeting Chloe in like fifteen minutes and I can’t find the thing anywhere!” I say running my hands through my hair. I had spent the majority of my morning stressing about what I was going to wear and now I was running around looking for a purse because who the hell goes on a date without money. Bea goes to the other side of the room and starts searching around the sofa when the doorbell rings.

“Can you get that?” I ask her with my head buried under the table. I hear her move to open the door.

“Uh…Elly?” She calls and I drag myself out with a huff, I flick my hair out of my face and turn to her.

“Yeah?” I ask and she steps aside to let me see who was at the door.

“Mark?”

 

**********

Do you know that feeling when you’ve run so fast and you trying to catch your breath? your heart pounding and your chest reaching fro air, the adrenaline still sprinting through your veins, blooding pumping, all pulses in your body working overtime and you’re not sure if you’re going to pass out or not?

That’s how I felt.

I was lying wrapped in nothing but a sheet, my body curled in behind hers, skin on skin, she was sound asleep, her breathing slow and controlled, but my body just couldn’t relax, how could it? I had just spent the night with Chloe, let her touch me, kiss me, feel me and I had done the same her, I don’t think I’d ever felt for alive than I did at that moment. I wasn’t sure why I had done it, I wasn’t sure what had been going through my mind, yo see I had found myself staring at her lips and not really retaining the information she was giving, I had found myself a few times looking at them, wanting to know how they felt, how they taste, what they said or what they really meant.   
The next thing I knew I had kissed not just her lips, but every inch of her body and I was exhilarated, it still hadn’t occurred to me, while I was lying there that I was in fact about to be married, or that this was my fiancé’s sister, all I knew is it was her and I in that bed and there was nothing else I much cared about. Yet my heart was pounding in a way that I had never experienced before, a way that I didn’t quite understand, it seemed to me that every time I was around her my heart would beat like that, I would feel like a school girl again, like that reckless teenager in university who jumped into pools drunk and got thrown out of clubs, I felt like being around her was this great risky adventure and it was addictive, I was somewhat of an adrenaline junkie around her, for lack of a better term but that’s exactly how my heart raced, too fast, too furious, too unnatural for it to be healthy.  
Though I wasn’t too sure where it had all come from, maybe it had been there all along and for a time I just didn’t realise it, or maybe I ignored it and then at some point I denied it until I couldn’t feel it but this night, it was like a wave had hit me, a tsunami of emotion, feeling and adrenaline, that university came out and I plunged myself into the deep end, thinking of nothing but the feelings I had at that moment, not I was sitting in silence, her body wrapped against mine and I was still trying to recover, though I wasn’t sure that I ever would. She was so peaceful, her face relaxed, her breathing a perfect rhythm, her hand clutching my own. I looked down her body, taking in every curve that she had and I could still feel it against my fingertips.

But why? why did I do it? what was it that I couldn’t resist? what was it about her that allowed me to forget my commitments and morals just to touch her?

 

**********

“Mark?” I say again, he doesn’t answer, he just stares at me, his eyes tired and raw. I look to Bea who shoots me a questioning look but just shrugs her shoulders.

“I’ll give you guys some space,” She says and brushes past Mark and out of the house. He takes a step in, the room silent and it seemed to me that he had brought back that darkness that he left with when I last saw him. He leaves the door open and doesn’t move.

“I came to get my things,” He says.

“Can we just-“

“No, we can’t” He cuts me off and makes his way to my room with a bag. I follow him and he quickly starts packing up all the little things he had left around the place, all the time ignoring me. He makes a swift move into the bathroom and back to the kitchen, again I follow him.

“Mark please”

“Fine, what do you want to say?” He says with a gasp, throwing his bag down on the table.

“I want to sort this”

“What’s there to sort Elly, you don’t want to be with me anymore, that’s it” His voice cracks.

“It’s not that simple”

“Isn’t it? or are you going to tell me again that you love Chloe?” He says and I’m taken aback at his bitterness.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask taking a step toward him.

“Nothing,”

“No, tell me?” I say taking another step but he doesn’t answer me.

“Are you saying you still don’t believe me?” I probe him.

“No, I think maybe you could, but I don’t think it will last,” he says quite bluntly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, you may think that this is what you want, or what’s right but you won’t belong figuring out that it’s not,” He says and looks directly at me. He was serious.

“And what makes you think that?”

“Well this is Chloe we’re talking about, she has never been able to commit to anyone”

“People Change” I answer without taking a breath. He lets out a small laugh that’s both intimidating and completely crass.

“Do you really believe that?”

“What is your prob-“

“You and I both know what Chloe’s like Elly, she uses people for whatever ridiculous plan she has up her sleeve and when she’s done she leaves, she’s a heartbreaker, always has been”

“It is not that simple and you know it! you also know how much she’s changed since she got here”

“Yeah but I also know that under all of that is the real Chloe, someone who can’t commit, who is immature, reckless and selfish!” He’s shouting at me now, puffing his chest out. I take a step toward him until we’re only inches apart and I can hear his breath pounding out of his lungs with  
anger.

“No Mark, the real Chloe is kind, careful, loyal, funny and would do anything for other people,” I say slowly and quietly and he huffs at me as if I told a bad joke.

“Not to mention the fact that she loves me…..unconditionally,” I say and he looks at me like he doesn’t believe me.

“Yeah right” He snorts and backs away, throwing his bag over his shoulder, that’s how I know I’ve got to him because he’s running away. He makes his way to the door but stops and turns to look at me.

“Just answer me this,” He says and I nod at him.

“Why do it?”

“I don’t know Mark, I didn’t fall in love on purpose, it hit me like a train and I never saw it coming, but it did and I truly am sorry,” I say, he doesn’t answer me, just turns and walks out the door. It takes a moment for my head to come back into the room and I quickly remember where I’m supposed to be.

 

*********

“Chloe!” I shouted, running towards her in the waterhole, she waves back at me and puts her cup down quickly before standing down off her chair and giving me a quick hug.

“Jeez, why do you seem like you’ve run a marathon” She laughs a little and sits back down, I breath deep trying to catch my breath and sit across from her.

“I am so sorry, I had the most insane morning, I couldn’t find my purse so-“

“Woah, slow down for a second, breathe!” She laughs and I take a moment to gather myself.

“Where were you?” She asks eventually.

“Well like I said I couldn’t find my purse and Bea was helping me look for it and then Mark showed up,” I say and her eyes go wide.

“What? what happened?” 

“He just came to pick up some things but we kind of got into an argument”

“Has he upset you?” She asks placing her hand over mine gently, I look down and smile at the gesture.

“No, he hasn’t,” I say gently, feeling somewhat relaxed by her touch. She raises her eyebrow at me, she doesn’t believe me and I have to laugh at how quickly she picked it up.

“Ok maybe a little”

“What did he say?” She asks lifting her cup.

“Really? don’t you want to go out with me instead?” I asked with a smirk, trying to deflect.

“Of course, but that can wait five minutes,” She says and I grunt at her in disapproval.

“Well, in a nutshell, he said that this isn’t going to work because well….” I stop myself, I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

“Elly?”

“Because uh….”

“Seriously it can’t be that bad? just say it” She probs and I huff.

“He said it would never work because you can’t commit and that you just use people,” I say quickly and I can see her face twitch a little, she’s offended and she has every right to be.

“Chloe”

“It’s fine, honestly, I mean I haven’t got the best track record really”

“Please don’t be upset, he’s just angry and saying things he doesn’t mean”

“Is he though? or is he just telling it like it is, I‘ve only had one real relationship and that was a disaster so it doesn’t look good does it?”

“No I suppose it doesn’t but that doesn’t mean you’re not capable of it”

“I know that and I mean every word when I tell you that I love you and I want to be with you, but that doesn’t mean Mark is wrong when he says I’m selfish,” She says and drops her head a little.

“Ok no, selfish is the last thing I would call you and just because you’ve done some questionable things does not make you a bad person or a selfish one,” I say taking hold of her hand but she keeps her head down.

“Please don’t listen to him, he’s just being his usual uptight self,” I say and it earns a small smile from her lips that makes my heart beat a little faster.

“Yeah you’re right”

“Aren’t I always?” I smirk and she rolls her eyes at me.

“But seriously, don’t listen to him, he’s wrong, I know that and so do you,” I say and she finally looks back up at me with a little spark back in her eyes.

“Thank you,” She says softly.

“Anytime, look none of this is going to be easy, Mark and everyone else will say and do things out of anger but it’ll be ok”

“I know, of course, no do you think we can go? I’m super hungry” She says and I laughed at her, pulling her off her chair by the hand.

 

**********

“I thought we were going to a restaurant?” Chloe asked as I parked the car just outside of a large park outside of town, neither of us had anything to do today and I figured what way to spend that than in the great outdoors with this woman that I was crazy for.

“Well, I thought about that too, but it’s so nice out, I figured a change of scenery would do us with some good,” I say grabbing the bag out of the back that I had put together earlier that morning. I handed her some items and walked her over the open park and set up the everything in a quiet area that was surrounded by big trees, all the while knowing that her eyes were on me, watching my every move, that was how I always knew that she meant what she said, since the day I had met Chloe, I had caught her watching me, felt her eyes one me and she always looked at me in a way that I could never quite decipher but I knew how it made me feel, warm and flustered, that look always set off a spark inside my stomach and I never understood it until this moment, she was doing it again, watching me, giving me those eyes and I could feel that warmth fill my chest all over again, in a split second she had caught my breath and sent a whole wave of new feeling through me.   
I sat down on the blanket that I had laid out and patted the spot next to me, ushering her to sit with me and she did so, we sat like that for I’m not sure how long but it was quite some time, comfortable, peaceful and relaxed, the only noise was her chewing on a sandwich, I swear her stomach is bottomless. At some point she lay back and let out a deep breath, I followed her and lay beside her. she lay there silent for a moment and turned her head towards me, catching me looking at her.

“What?” She lets out a little laugh that makes my stomach flip.

“Nothing, I was just looking” is all I could manage because for some reason I was rendered shy and unable to speak. She smiles at me and turns her head to look up at the bare blue sky.

“Elly?” She says after a moment, her eyes still pointed upward.

“Hm?” 

“What Mark said, you didn’t believe him, did you?” She asks, her voice small and I snap my head towards her, suddenly feeling very nervous.

“What? no of course not, why would you ask that?” I say surprised and she just shrugs her shoulder at me, I twist my body to face her and she looks up at me waiting for me to speak.

 

“Chloe, I wouldn’t be here if I believed that would I?”

“I suppose not no,” She says and I smile at her.

“Now, can forget about that, I’d like to just spend time with you please”

“Anything for you your highness” She rolls her eyes and lets out a little laugh to make my heart flutter.

I’m pretty sure I would stay here forever

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Guys,
> 
> This is a brand new story that I have put together. If you like it please don't be afraid to hit me up or if you have idea you would like me to play with my twitter is: dimminthelight


End file.
